Prime Minister #1: Sir John A. MacDonald

Here is the first in the series of however many Prime Ministers we've had in Canada.  Everything you ever needed to know about Sir John A. MacDonald.  History students, feel free to cite this and all subsequent posts in your research papers.


Name: Sir John A. MacDonald
Alive: January 11, 1815-June 6, 1891
Reign: July 1, 1867 – November 5, 1873 / October 17, 1878 – June 6, 1891
Born in: Glasgow
Party: Conservative
Known for: Being first PM ever of all time, having his face on the ten dollar bill, spending a lot of time and money building Canada's territory, being the first PM to have a scandal - it was called the Pacific Scandal.  He took bribes and then scared the country away from Conservatives for a long time.

Sir Johnny doing his best impersonation of a hipster.  He's got the ironic hair and lazy, indifferent gaze.  
I think it's the high-collared shirt that undoes it.


Rags to riches!  Sir Johnny was born to a life filled with poverty and failed business ventures, only to become a lawyer (even though he quit school at the age of 15) and the first Prime Minister!  People should talk about him more often when they tell disenfranchised children that they can be anything they want: "Look, Sally!  Our very first Prime Minister came from nothing, just like you!  Now if only you were a man like him you could be just as successful as he is..."

Married his first cousin (not uncommon in those days?) who was 6 years older than him - so probably not a sexist, or at least not in the sense of wanting a younger, hotter wife-accessory.

He was a Freemason, so, you know, lots of creepy rituals, right?

In an election debate he was so drunk he threw up on stage.  (PS: He was the first and not last drunkard, lecherous PM, although he did it to escape the heartbreak of his first cousin, 6-years-his-elder wife's tragic decline into death.)

Although he was a conservative, while being a lawyer pre-politics, he was like Mark from Empire Records.  And by that I mean that he would shout things like "DAMN THE MAN!" and "SAVE THE PEOPLES FROM THE EMPIRE!"  Or at least that's what I imagine him as having shouted while he protected all sorts of innocent people from British meanness.  Luckily he was much more competent at helping out than our friend Mark was, because let's be honest, a one-night kegger party is not going to raise the tens of thousands of dollars needed to save a record store from the evil big box record-o-rama.  If that was the case then theatre wouldn't be in the horrendous financial state it's in.

He actually physically attacked a fellow MP once, in Parliament, shouting (once restrained) "I'll lick him faster than hell can scorch a feather!"  Check yourself before you wreck yourself.

He named his private train car The Jamaica.  Whaaaaaaat?

He got knighted on the very first Canada Day ever - which if you think about it is probably why he then won the first election ever.  Everyone was just like "well, the Queen totes just knighted him, so, you know, it'll be sort of like having a monarch still and we're not really emotionally ready to give that up."

He died in office, just like Dwight from The Office has always dreamed of doing.

No comments:

Post a Comment