Funny story: I was going to delete all my bookmarks and the files and photos I had saved on my work computer before I left, to both protect my privacy and hide my slacking. And I forgot! I also forgot to give my key back. Hmmmm... Maybe I'll break in and destroy the evidence?

Also, life as an apprentice has begun. Still no word on the impact on this here blog.

I'm writing a post about DC Talk? Weird.

I have "Coloured People" by DC Talk stuck in my head. Why, you ask? Why on earth would I have a song that I obsessed over for a summer when I was 12 because they were the coolest Christian band (and thus an acceptable CD purchase in my home) on the block that I have since completely forgotten about and laughed involuntarily about whenever I thought of? (Whew! Run-on-THAT!) Because I was doing a sudoku puzzle (PS: Pet Peeve: when people pronounce "sudoku" "soodookoo" or "sodakoo". It's freaking SUDOKU people -soodohkoo- not hard to say!) and methodically going through the numbers I was looking for, starting with one. Then all of a sudden my thoughts of "one... one... one..." became rhythmic, just like the echoed counting that starts off "Coloured People." GEEZ. This is kind of an annoying way to end my gloriously last day as The Receptionist!

PS (or should I say PPS, since I incorrectly used a PS in the body of my paragraph?): I've used way too many quotation marks, parantheses, and now, post-scripts in this posting. I apologize. It's DC Talk, they do this to me! Although I do still think that they rocked it with Free at Last, pulling the old trickeroo, making us think it was old people singing a hymn and then rapping it out.

*the tone shifts to witty sarcasm*

Oh, and thanks a lot for not stocking enough toilet paper in the office to last us through your absence. Also, thanks for not leaving any cheques so your cleaning guy won't get paid.

PS: That last post was my 200th post! Woo! A tribute to the intense boredom of being a receptionist.

An open letter to my boss

*Disclaimer: these really are more like friendly suggestions than angry rants for the most part. I promise.*

Dear Boss,

You are a Very Busy Man who runs a few businesses and does a lot. The occasional false expectation or forgetting of something is expected and okay, especially because you generally deal with these issues in a friendly, efficient way. Well, maybe not always efficient, but friendly at the very least. I do have a few pointers for you though:

-Try to keep names straight. In this office there are 3 people working for you (formerly 4), and then you've got a kazillion other businesses with other people working for you. Mix-ups are understandable, but I do like it if you call me by my name and not that of the manager of your pub.

-Try to keep an eye on the clock. You are a very busy, workaholic type who is in every weekend and every evening. I don't know if you ever see your family except when you take them on too-expensive vacations. Whatever, your wife probably knew what she was getting into. However, I signed on for 8:30-5 (or 4:30 in summer months). When you print off 3 tax returns for me to put together 15 minutes before I'm set to leave, please tell me if they're urgent and need to get done tonight, in which case I'll cushion my lunch tomorrow with the extra time I took today to finish, or if they can wait until tomorrow, in which case they will. I don't like rushing to finish a job, and then coming in the next morning to have it still sitting on top of my desk waiting for you to put in the mail... and then to see it there for three days after that.

-If you want me to file something, just tell me! Leaving random documents around the office will not lead to them being put away because I don't know if you're using them or not.

-If you want me to file something and you have the file it goes in, please mention that.

-This job has been done in the learn-as-you-go style, which suits me fine. I was taught the basics when I arrived, and then taught specific tasks, programs, whatever, as the need arose. Great! But try to teach me everything I'm supposed to do at the same time. If you don't tell me that I'm supposed to print off legal-sized copies of the GL and trial balance whenever a tax return is done, I won't. Then after three months when you ask my why it's not there, I won't know what you're talking about. Just the way it works. Thanks for not getting mad at me for not doing things I wasn't told to do though, my old boss used to do that a lot.

That's about it! Today is my last day working for you, and even though you're on a far-too-expensive vacation with your family, I just wanted to say thanks that these are my only complaints about you (the Lord of Accounting on the other hand... oh MAN you've got a rant coming!). I've had a lot of bosses and you rank right up there with the good ones. Not that I'm not incredibly excited to be leaving this horribly boring job behind. Let's be honest.


The Receptionist

A funny thing happened on the way to the office.

Funny story yesterday: I came to work but I didn't work. The sequence of events (written in the third person, because I've already told this story a few times and am kind of bored with it so this should shake things up a bit):

-Andrea arrives to the office, reaches into her purse for keys to open up, and can't find them.
-After some frantic digging, she sits down and goes through her purse more carefully.
-Still no keys.
-Andrea sits down beside the office door and starts reading her book (BREAKING DAWN!!!) while she waits.
-She expects someone to show up within an hour-they don't.
-Not knowing what exactly to do, she sticks a note on the door asking whoever gets in to phone her when they arrive and waits by the coffee shop down the street.
-She buys an over-priced tea ($3.05? Are they serious? For TEA???) and reads her book more.
-She barely notices when over an hour passes.
-She goes back to the office to make sure her note's still there-it is.
-She goes back to the coffee shop.
-The last two steps are repeated twice more, except that the third time she goes to the diner next to the coffee shop and buys a cookie, as it's almost lunch time and she's hungry.
-Andrea sighs several times, unsure of what to do, in between getting lost in her book.
-She goes back to the office one last time, around 12:30, and waits a little longer and then goes home.
-20 minutes after she gets home she gets a message saying that someone's finally arrived but that Andrea should probably just take the day off. No kidding.

The end.


I wonder if everyone else here gets as bored as I do, or if they get personal satisfaction from this work. I wouldn't put it past them, I know that there are people in the world that enjoy numbers and spreadsheets and adding up columns to make things work and cheating the CRA however they can (just KIDDING, no one here actually enjoys spreadsheets, that's just crazy talk). I just find it so hard to imagine, not because someone enjoying those things is unimagineable (like I said, I know they're out there), but because it's so dang QUIET and we've been sitting here for such a ridiculously LONG TIME that I just feel like SOMETHING'S GOTTA GIVE.

Apparently that something is my brain. Goodbye brain.


So.... I don't really have anything left to say here... I've only got three days left as The Receptionist, and my spirit's been pretty crushed by the boredom lately. I'm pretty sure that if this wasn't my last three days and I actually had to keep working here indefinitely after this I would become a willing pawn for the Lord of Accounting. So it's pretty good that I'll be escaping that fate (although I'm too bored to care, let's be honest).

I just realized that after this post I'll be three posts away from 200. If I were a TV series this would be a big deal. I'm just a blog, so it's really not that big of a deal, but I decided to stick with it and carry through to 200 anyways. Who knows, maybe by that point I'll get inspired to rant or inform you of wacky news again?

Small observations

Two things I've noticed since my boss left:

I am the only one still wearing "office clothes"

Also, I am very accurate at the data entry these days. This is wonderful, especially 4 days before I never come here ever again.

And so this is my workplace...

So.... being at work while my boss is out of town... It's, well, pretty much exactly the same. Minus my boss running around in a panic trying to find things. So basically it's quieter. And I'm here on my own quite a bit more. In fact, I really don't know what to do with myself these days, so if anyone has a good time-wasting website that doesn't involve the need for sound, please let me know! Otherwise I'd just be watching Flight of the Conchords music videos all the time.

When the cat's away...

Today my boss leaves for two weeks of vacation. I have no idea what this means for the working environment here, but I'm eager to find out...

An Open Letter to People Who Use the Phone

Dear Clients, the CRA, and others who call my office,

It's true, I have only been a receptionist for about 6 months, so my beefs can in no way rival those of lifelong receptionists (or even those who do it for a couple of years), but I do have a few suggestions for those calling in:

1. I know, your call is urgent. You're calling your accountant, which means it's about money, which means it's important to you. However, your whiny, panicked voice will not make me transfer the call any faster. I won't do it slower just to spite you, I'm not that bitter yet, but I already transfer calls at a normal, efficient, human speed, and that's about as fast as it's going to happen without me becoming the office spazz.

2. I understand that some consider it more polite, but when you either a) slowly and methodically or b) in your quick, whiny, panicked voice, tell me your full name and the company your calling from and then ask for my boss using his full name and asking if you can please talk to him, you're wasting a lot of time. You're also annoying me.

3. Thank you to those of you who are quick and to the point: "Joe there please?" or even "Jim calling for Joe." Then I can put you on hold much quicker than the nimwits from number 2 and not waste anyone's time.

4. If you get my boss' name wrong when you're calling, I don't really care. But don't try to pretend I'm wrong. I know my boss' name, as well as the names of everyone else in the office because a) that's my job and b) there are currently 3 other people in this office so any dimwit would know their names. Just acknowledge your mistake and let me transfer your call instead of arguing with me (or apologizing profusely as if I'm going to tell on you-I won't!).

5. If you try to get ahold of someone and they're on the phone, please just leave a message with me or on their voicemail. When you say "oh no, I'll just call back" that inevitably means that you'll call again while they're busy and I'll have to deal with you many more times. Just leave a message! It's what I'm here for.

6. On that note, you also don't need to ask permission to leave a message. Especially if you're whiny/panicked guy. Just tell me your name and number and I'll write it down. It's my job.


The Receptionist


I just watched the trailer for Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince online (without sound, which really doesn't matter because I know it all too well) and I am so excited I think my stomach will eat my heart, just because it doesn't know what to do with itself.