If you find a wallet on the street, what will make you go through the effort of trying to return it? Research says that if it's full of cash you are more likely to give it back! Why? Probably because you don't want to be considered a thief.
If you listen to podcasts, you've heard this line a zillion-bajillion times: "Is there anything you'd like to promote?"
It's the part of the episode where you get to hear the guest talk about their twitter account, improv group, and the podcast they host.
This is a completely fine and expected element of the medium, but recently I listened to an episode of Potterless where the guest wasn't also a creator of some kind, and so when asked what she would like to promote she said things like Harry Potter, being nice, and environmentalism.
I mean... isn't that wonderful? Not only was it a really nice break from the usual self-promotion, which I have nothing against but is also very boring, but it was a good idea.
Okay, maybe Harry Potter doesn't need any more promotion, but you know what does? Being nice and caring about the environment.
Imagine if we all had some cause or idea that we promoted in the same way we might promote an artistic project we are working on?
The best part about this would be the huge a variety of responses! Maybe one person would want to promote giving money to charity and another would promote keeping your home tidy and then someone else would promote oil spill prevention. YES!
It makes me want to go around and ask everyone if there is anything they would like to promote, except I would have to have them read this post first so that I wouldn't hear about their Instagram account.
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Here's a self-care story I came across recently on the podcast The Nod: it was about a woman whose husband up and left her, out of the blue. For a period of time, she was in such deep grief that she couldn't do much of anything. Her big move would be to change in the morning out of the clothes she slept in and into a nice pair of pyjamas that she would then wear for the rest of the day.
These nice, clean pyjamas were both a small act of kindness and a monumental moment of self-care: they accepted where she was at (unable to do things, not leaving the apartment), while still giving her something fresh to change into.
It didn't make her feel better, necessarily, but it definitely didn't make her feel worse, which was vital at a time when everything seemed to make her feel worse.
This notion has stuck with me since I listened to this episode. It's a good thing to remember for those really hard times in life, whatever they may be: if you can't feel better, maybe there is something that won't make you feel worse.
Sometimes, whether due to a sudden loss or onset of a terrible depressive episode, the question "what will make you feel better?" sounds overwhelming. In those moments, the answer is nothing.
What won't make you feel worse seems more achievable. It's a reminder that you can still be nice to yourself, even if you don't have the will to engage with life.
So, if you're currently feeling like nothing can make you feel better, what won't make you feel worse?
Maybe you pour yourself one glass of water in your fanciest drinking vessel and put a garnish on it as if you matter. That probably won't make you feel worse.
Maybe you make sure to take care of your physical comfort by wearing nice, plush, warm socks and having a cozy blanket ready to curl up in at all times. Always being warm enough probably won't make you feel worse.
Maybe you do one round of the apartment, picking up the garbage that has accumulated and throwing it out, because being in an apartment that isn't full of take-out containers and empties may not make you feel worse.
Maybe you write a sticky that reminds you that you are still awesome, even though you feel like crap and stick it somewhere you will see every day. It probably won't break through the hard shell currently separating you from the world and make you feel that awesomeness, but it likely won't make you feel worse to have that reminder.
Maybe it's something else. It's up to you.
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1. You will receive a body.
2. You will learn lessons.
3. There are no mistakes, only lessons.
4. A lesson will be repeated until it is learned.
5. Learning lessons does not end.
6. 'There' is no better than 'here'.
7. Others are merely mirrors of you.
8. What you make of your life is absolutely up to you.
9. Life is exactly what you think it is.
10. Your answers lie inside you.
11. You will forget all of this.
12. You can remember it whenever you want.
I especially love #6 and #8.
Still Life of Fruit
Art studio Quatre Caps has made a series of beautiful, traditional still life images of fruit, where the fruit is packaged. Love it. (Also, if you take this as an inditement of packaging fruit, let's all remember that packaged, precut produce is actually important for accessibility for those with limited dexterity.)
Eleanor Lutz is the truly incredible data visualizer behind the website Tabletop Whale. She recently created an atlas of space. Here is her visualization of our solar system:
For each element, she shares how she made it and the open source code for others to do the same, as well as tutorials on how she has used Python to create her work. You can't see it, but I have turned into a human heart-eyed emoji over here.
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If you've never heard of FOMO, then I expect you've already mastered it. You are off living your life, enjoying what comes without worrying too much about the things that don't, secure in your place in the world.
Meanwhile, the rest of us are sitting here, watching you rock your life, experiencing FOMO: fear of missing out.
Recently I came across a suggestion to help reduce FOMO when it hits: check it against your values.
In this case, the values I am referring to are where you want to focus your time and efforts. Are you in a phase of life where career is paramount? Time with family? Friends? (Which friends?) Is school or personal growth the most important thing to you right now?
Here's how it can help: if your values right now are centred mostly around family or friends, then you can use that as a buffer against career-related FOMO. Instead of feeling left out because you aren't working on that new project (or worse, letting fear drive you to volunteer for it even though it means working lots of overtime), you can know that it's being taken care of while you focus on what matters to you.
If, on the other hand, your focus right now is more career or personal growth-oriented, then your values can remind you that you may be missing out on the party, but you are not missing out on the long-term growth or a vital opportunity that matters to you.
It won't make all the feelings go away, but it will put them in perspective!
The best part of this? If you got the order wrong on your values, it will become painfully obvious! If you are reminding yourself that you X is more in line with your values when actually, your heart cares more about Y, your heart will make it known! Not by whining that you don't want to miss out, but by feeling way off about the lie you are telling yourself.
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It turns out that there is a right and wrong way to make a decision. New research shows that people who make decisions quickly and move on have less stress and are generally happy with their choices, whereas those who are more process oriented and fret over the "right" choice are often more anxious and less satisfied afterwards.
Getting rejected hurts, and apparently, the pain of sexual rejection lasts longer than the pleasure of having your advances accepted. This study was done on heterosexual couples already in a relationship to see what happened when sexual advances are accepted or rejected within this context. Interestingly, the person who did the accepting or rejecting got a boost that lasted several days. I guess it feels good to receive an offer!
Very Part-Time Work
Having a job provides a lot of mental and emotional benefits to people, giving structure and sense of purpose. As work may begin to disappear to automation, some people have been worried that unemployment will hurt us. It turns out, however, that working just a few hours a week can provide the same benefits.
Manufacturing Babies
It's been known for a while that fertility rates have a relationship to employment rates, and people have fewer babies when they have fewer jobs. However, now we see that reproduction is also specifically related to steady work in manufacturing, and the presence of goods-producing jobs is actually a better predictor of fertility in a community than simple employment. Does making things inspire people to make babies?
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Welcome to the series wherein I share my take-aways from church. The things that, I think, are beneficial to all of us to know or think about, whether or not we believe in any church-related things.
This week in church we talked about ancestors and tradition.
"Tradition means giving votes to the most obscure of all classes, our ancestors." (GK Chesterton)
This was a take on tradition that I hadn't considered before: caring about our ancestors enough to give them a vote, so to speak. The thought experiment makes tradition a little more alive to me--it's not just doing what people used to do without thought, but considering our ancestors as active and present voices who are grounded in the past while seeing what is happening right now.
This was discussed with full recognition that the people groups who do this the best are the Indigenous populations whose land we are complicit in stealing.
This week in church we talked about changing the world.
"All of this should matter to you, but pick one thing you can focus on. Learn slowly & well. Share what you learn. Make space for others to join you."
This was the final slide in a series that shared various injustices committed against local Indigenous populations - it was taken from a thread that has been shared around on social media, so it might be familiar to you. It's a brilliant reminder that of a vital balance in our attempt to make the world a better place: care about everything and then focus your efforts on one thing.
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I have had a particular blog post by Seth Godin saved for months. It's saved in the place where I collect content that has sparked an idea for a blog post here - either as a "recommended read" piece or the launch-point for my own thoughts.
Every time I visit that folder to draw on the well of inspiration, I consider the Seth Godin post I wanted to write about. I open it, I look at it, I think, "This is a good idea." Then move on to something else.
It's the blogging equivalent of a great-looking article of clothing I bought and then never once felt like wearing. It's perfectly nice. There is nothing wrong with it. I just don't want to wear it.
Well, now I am letting it go. Officially and publicly. Interestingly, me letting go of writing this post is basically the idea of Seth's original blog post, so it's quite fitting.
(I considered ending this post there and not linking to the original post, but I guess that's kind of mean, isn't it? Here it is.)
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I would order a bunch of prints of these historical cross-sectional geographic drawings created in 1887 by Levi Walter Yaggi. Especially the Nature in Descending Regions and Nature in Ascending Regions images. Love!
Generally, any news item about #MeToo or sexual harassment in the church ends with me feeling disheartened about the fact that nobody seems willing to simply take victims seriously and own their mistakes. So imagine my surprise that the #ChurchToo conference, held by Canadian Mennonite University in Manitoba, was actually about taking responsibility and becoming victim- and survivor-affirming churches. The Mennonite denomination is pretty small and is not exactly powerful on a cultural level, but it gives me hope!
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When an exciting potential opportunity comes up, it can get easy to get caught up in the hype of the whole thing and start to feel like this is your one and only chance. Your one shot. One opportunity. To seize everything you ever wanted. Will you capture it? Or just let it slip? (Okay, sorry, I couldn't help but slip into a little Eminem there, but the point holds.)
Whether it's a big career opportunity, a potential relationship, an incredible travel opportunity, or a very important rap battle (again with the Eminem, sorry), it feels like a This Is It moment.
Here's the thing: it probably isn't.
You may not have this exact opportunity again, and you might have to eat a failure on it, but whatever the endgame is that you're looking for, this isn't it.
Want to be a director? This one film or play isn't going to make or break you.
Trying to get your photography business off the ground? It doesn't matter how incredible this wedding is, you will still be able to build a business without it.
Need to make friends in a new city? Not being able to connect with that one person isn't going to leave you alone forever.
Or, we could look at the goals behind those goals: you can still be happy, live meaningfully, find peace, share love, and contribute your talents to the world, no matter what happens with this one particular opportunity.
All this to say, let's not let fear drive us. (That's easy to do, right?)
The first time I encountered this song was on one of the Lilith Fair compilation albums. Ohhh boy, you better believe I listened to those a LOT! They were my introduction to so many smart lady singers, I should probably send Sarah Mclaughlin a thank you note.
WHAT I AM
by Edie Brickell & the New Bohemians
I'm not aware of too many things
I know what I know, if you know what I mean
Philosophy is the talk on a cereal box
Religion is the smile on a dog
I'm not aware of too many things
I know what I know, if you know what I mean, d-doo yeah
Shove me in the shallow waters
Before I get too deep
What I am is what I am
Are you what you are or what?
What I am is what I am
Are you what you are, or?
Oh, I'm not aware of too many things
I know what I know, if you know what I mean
Philosophy is a walk on the slippery rocks
Religion is a light in the fog
I'm not aware of too many things
I know what I know, if you know what I mean, d-doo yeah
I am so overjoyed that this research exists: scientists asked people how hard various magical spells would be to cast, were they possible. Turns out, people pretty much entirely agree on how hard it would be to do different things, based on a sort of intuitive understanding of physics. Conjuring a frog out of nowhere is the hardest thing and changing its colour the easiest. Other items, from harder to easier: making the frog disappear, turning it into a mouse, splitting it in two. I love that people seem to have consistent ideas of how hard magic should be.
Sexy Health
Looks like getting lucky on the regular is really good for your health: it slows down the ageing process, eases daily aches and pains, increases job satisfaction, and boosts immune function. Based on this article, it's unclear if these benefits are related to the act of having sex or having an orgasm - one of which, of course, doesn't actually require a partner. Further research required?
A piece of conventional wisdom in psychology is that intense emotional experiences interfere with our cognition. However, a new study suggests that this might depend on how we perceive the intense emotions, and if we perceive them positively, they might help enhance our cognition. To test this, they measured the cognitive ability of bungee jumpers (some first-timers, some not) before, immediately after, and some time after they leapt from a plane. Their working memory and decision making improved over the control group of non-jumpers.
Derailment
A continuous sense of self is something that most people have - unless they are depressed. New research adds "derailment", or a sense of disconnection from one's past self, as a piece of the depression puzzle. Whether it's a cause, effect, or both is yet to be determined, but it seems consistent in people with depression so far. Anecdotally, I can say that when I have gone through more intense depressed episodes, I felt like an entirely different person than my "old self".
Abortion and Women's Health
One of the pro-birth arguments against abortion is that it can harm a woman's health. A new study has come out showing that not only does abortion not hurt a woman's body, but being denied an abortion does. In fact, the sad and sobering truth is that in this study, two women who were made to go through with their pregnancies died in the postpartum period, due to pregnancy-related issues. Whatever your stance on abortion is, it's important to remember that childbirth has its own risks.
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You know how we all have assumptions and biases and things we think we know but have never really looked into?
Maybe it's about other people's sexuality or gender identity. Maybe it's different political perspectives, religions or ideologies. Maybe it's millennials or old people or people with mental health issues or who have been to prison.
Whatever it is, we feel we know all we need to know, even though we haven't necessarily researched it (or certainly not in a way that actually entertains the potential validity of the other perspective, because why would we do that?) or had a real conversation with someone from that group.
A friend of mine, a very smart actor named Paige Louter, recently posted on Facebook about one of these topics. She finished by saying, "Do a little research! You may find yourself surprised that what is referred to as 'fact' is actually an outdated, colonial, western way of looking at the world. The truth is so much more interesting and varied."
The truth is so much more interesting and varied.
It's a pretty good motto to live by, don't you think? I bet it will lead to a much more engaging life than just accepting default assumptions and assuming we know enough about any particular group of people.
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“All I want is a partner who is way out of my league but thinks that I’m way out of their league and we’ll live together in perfect confused harmony with a dog.”
