Singalong! Do You Realize by The Flaming Lips

Ooooh isn't this song just magical in its beauty? At one point I wanted it to be the first dance song at my wedding. I thought it was lovely to have a song about how we're all going to die so let's love each other. I was told that's weird.

DO YOU REALIZE

by The Flaming Lips

One, two, three, four...

Do you realize

That you have the most beautiful face?

Do you realize

We're floating in space?

Do you realize

That happiness makes you cry?

Do you realize

That everyone you know someday will die?

And instead of saying all of your goodbyes, let them know

You realize that life goes fast

It's hard to make the good things last

You realize the sun doesn't go down

It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning 'round

Do you realize? Oh, oh, oh

Do you realize

That everyone you know someday will die?

And instead of saying all of your goodbyes, let them know

You realize that life goes fast

It's hard to make the good things last

You realize the sun doesn't go down

It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning 'round

Do you realize

That you have the most beautiful face?

Do you realize?

Photo by Matt.

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Learning! Roundup: Feel the Love, Sense of Gender, Breadwinners, and More!

Thought Catalog

Feel the Love

Love may not be all you need, but it's sure something you need: people who feel loved in small ways throughout the day have higher levels of overall well-being, including feeling purpose and optimism. Let's share more love!

Sense of Gender

Transgender kids feel just as much like boys or girls as their cisgender counterparts. This research was intended to look at how consistently children feel and express their gender identity, and it was found that everyone's the same in that regard!

Breadwinners

Straight dudes have a lot of baggage to unpack when it comes to feminism, and here is another one: married, straight men feel happiest if they are earning 50% more income than their wives. I mean, thanks to the gender pay gap, their status as breadwinner is rarely threatened. So I guess that gives them little motivation to support change there. SIGH.

Fitting In

Here's a wild one: we change how we see ourselves to match how we imagine other people see themselves. In a series of experiments where people would perform some kind of self-assessment, then imagine another person and assess them, and then assess themselves again, that third assessment shifts to match the second assessment.

Retirement Spending

Your personality traits will predict how quickly you spend those retirement savings (if you even have them? If you get to retire ever? If the world hasn't all burned up by then.) People who are more neurotic and negative will spend at a higher rate than those who are more extroverted and positive.

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This Week in Church: Choosing Priorities and Labour That Saves the World

Welcome to the series wherein I share my take-aways from church. The things that, I think, are beneficial to all of us to know or think about, whether or not we believe in any church-related things.

This week in church we talked about priorities.

Specifically, do you prioritize momentum and growth or actually dealing with problems, even when they are inconvenient?

More specifically, the example was about the early church when it was in rapid-growth mode and a complaint rose up from the Greek members that the Hebrew members weren't taking equal care of their widows. There was a choice there: do they deal directly with this issue, acknowledging an inequity in their system and potentially forcing people to do something they don't really want to do, or do they ignore it? Facing the problem could damage their momentum. But ignoring it would neglect a core value: taking care of one another. (Little did they know we would radically forget that value in the coming millennia anyway.)

Whether you run a business, a family, or even your own life, there will be times when you need to choose: will you prioritize your values and face a problem head-on, or will you ignore it all in favour of some kind of momentum or growth?

This week in church we talked about labour saving the world.

"Human labour has intrinsic value." - Amy L. Sherman. (Not Amy Sherman Palladino of Gilmore Girls and Marvelous Mrs. Mazel fame.)

There are different kinds of work you can do that are valuable to the world in different ways: redemptive work (anything that lends to the reconciliation, resolving conflict); creative work (creation or physically making things); providential works (the vital work of keeping things running smoothly and taking care of people); justice work (maintaining justice); compassionate work (work that offers comfort and healing); and revelatory work (work that enlightens truths in the world).

The same job could fit into multiple categories. An artist may be doing redemptive work, creative work, and revelatory work. A shop owner may be doing providential work and compassionate work.

The point is that pretty much any kind of job or vocation can fit into at least one of these categories and then your labour can help save the world, depending on how you look at it and what kind of energy you put into it.

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Inspiration! Roundup: Dance it Out, Ex-Serenades, Urban Tetris, and More!

This Week's "I want to go to there": a camping adventure that includes cuddles.
Photo by Steve Halama.

Dance it Out

This could be one of the best dance videos on the internet right now. GO FOR IT!

This is been the best video I’ve seen in a while. It deserves another shout out. pic.twitter.com/aYiNEzCZA5

— Shannon is in FIGHT MODE (@Katpa73) October 26, 2019

Ex-Serenades

Speaking of dancing, the girls of TikTok are dancing to voicemails from their cheating/abusive exes, and it's kind of beautiful.

Urban Tetris

I have truly looked at buildings and imagined this before - now Mariyan Atanasov has made those mental images into REAL images!

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Mariyan Atanasov (@mariyanatanasov) on Sep 10, 2019 at 6:14am PDT

">
Story

"Telling your story changes the narrative."

(I don't know if this is a saying in social justice work or a quote to be attributed somewhere? I found it on Taryn Hawley's LinkedIn and a whoooooole bunch of image quotes that aren't attributed anywhere.)

It's Real Fun

Photographer Allison Pollack has made a project out of capturing mushrooms and fungi in all its forms. It's surprisingly fascinating to scroll through.

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A post shared by @marin_mushrooms on Jul 14, 2019 at 7:50am PDT

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Killing Time or Filling Time

Photo by Yuanpei Hua

You know that feeling you get when you're waiting for someone or something to arrive and they'll be there any minute now, so you can't really start doing something else, so you just kind of... wait?

Maybe you watch TV, stare at your phone, or flit through your emails to distract your brain from the waiting, but you don't actually do things you want to do, because you don't want to start and then get interrupted. But then you wind up truly doing nothing in the meantime, and that meantime can stretch on for who knows how long because you don't know if the person you are waiting for is running late or not coming or just outside the door?

Here's the 57 million dollar question: are you (and am I) doing that with your life? Are you holding off on doing any of the things you really want to do because you're waiting for someone or something else that might arrive any minute now?

What are you waiting for? A relationship? A career opportunity? Some kind of physical or mental healing? Spiritual enlightenment?

What would we be doing with that time if we weren't waiting for something else to show up?

What if, instead of killing that "meantime", we filled it by doing the things we actually want to do? It seems that the worst-case scenario is that we get interrupted. The best-case scenario? We enjoy the time more as it passes, get closer to another goal, and/or contribute something meaningful to the world.

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Cute! Roundup: Fave Pillows, Meeting the New Pup, Shark Attack, and More!

I was babysitting for a friend and her sweet kitty made his home on the play kitchen. Cuuuuute!

OTHER CUTENESS:

This kitty has a favourite pillow.

Cats meet the new puppy.

Shark attack!

The hierarchy is pretty clear with these two.

A unicorn hamster.

This doggo will take his turn now, please.

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Singalong! Daring Lousy Guy by Shivaree

I listened to Shivaree nearly non-stop in university, she has just the right combo of cleverness and feelings. Of course, now that I read the lyrics to this song closely, I'm a little worried about her.

DARING LOUSY GUY

by Shivaree

Your bones are going to be disconnected

You daring lousy guy

Your throat is going to be exploded

And I'm still being shy

I've been scared shitless too much lately

Right now there's one thing I can say

I'm so unsatisfied to be killed this way

You daring lousy guy

Your big face went and hurt my instep

And I feel very cold

Just what gives you the nerve to die here

End my game and fold

It's the same old rules no eyes no groin

I'm gonna spank you without pants

And fire aimlessly if you don't come out

You daring lousy guy

Why do you give me a depression

Your kisses are like tape

Try to beat me out of recognition

I'll beat you into shape

Well they couldn't bail out the Titanic

So just keep my insides as a gift

And I hope that they smell your room up

You daring lousy guy

You daring lousy guy

You daring lousy guy

Giphy

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Learning! Roundup: (Another) Academic Bias, Prenatal Stress, Climate Health Risks, and More

Photo by Science in HD.

(Another) Academic Bias

From what I understand, any person of colour that attends a major academic institution experiences a lot of barriers due to the omnipresent white supremacy that runs rampant in our education system (and, you know, every other system). Here's another piece of research backing those claims: academics from ethnic minorities receive less funding for their research applications than their white counterparts.

Prenatal Stress

A lot of research on prenatal events that impact babies focuses on the person carrying the child, which makes sense on one level but also leaves out a big portion of the parenting team. This new study, however, shows that prenatal parental (not just maternal) stress has an impact on the child's behaviour at two years old. (Sorry it's not better news, but hey, at least both parents are included!)

Climate Health Risks

Climate change is endangering the health of the current, youngest generation in serious ways, including increased risk of infection and health and developmental issues related to poor nutrition.

Obese Kids Are Given Worse Grades

Teachers may think that they aren't influenced by their students' sex, race, or appearance, but there is a host of research showing otherwise. Add this one to the pile: teachers give obese students poorer grades than their thinner counterparts.

Inflammation Slows You Down

You know that mentally sluggish feeling that comes when you're sick? I call it having "veils", because it feels like there are layers of sheer veils between me and the rest of the world. I can still see and communicate, but it's just harder. Well, turns out this might be due to inflammation in the brain.

Temper Tantrums

Kids who develop language later in life are more likely to have temper tantrums than those who chat up a storm.

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Challenge Update: Giving Grudges an Expiry Date WORKS!

A little while ago I wrote about the notion of giving grudges an expiry date. Well, I am pleased (or at least able) to report that I have had the opportunity to practice it in realtime, and it worked!

A couple of weeks, I realized I was holding a grudge. It had to do with a past argument with an ex-boyfriend, the kind that came up a few times in our relationship and where I consistently felt like I was misunderstood and not heard. (I'm sure he had some similar feelings.) I noticed that I was still reliving the argument and imagining what I wish I had said to him--a mental activity that achieves absolutely nothing except churning up old, unpleasant feelings all over again.

Then it clicked! This is it! This is the kind of thing I wanted to give an expiration date to! This is a grudge!

I decided that this grudge was permitted until Christmas, and then after that, it will have gone sour and need to be thrown out. Guess what? It's not nearly Christmas yet, and I can already tell this has worked.

Since that moment, the argument has started to replay in my psyche just once, and as soon as I realized what was happening I reminded myself that this one only lives until Christmas. It was like pulling the stopper out of a blow-up toy. The whole thing just kind of deflated and I instantly felt the uselessness of holding on for even that long. It went from "this is a thing I have unresolved, unhappy feelings about and so I'm going to relive it forever!" to "I have to hold onto this thing for HOW LONG?"

How FREAKING exciting!!! It WORKED!

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Inspiration! Roundup: Bravery, Dancing is Dreaming, Optimal Enjoyment, and More!

This Week's "I want to go to there": It might seem odd that it's a bathroom, but due to a bathroom renovation mishap, my bathroom has been stripped down to the wood frame with just a toilet sitting in the middle of it for almost two weeks now. So... this is the stuff dreams are made of!
Photo by Phil Hearing.

Brave

"It’s possible that you no longer need to get better at your craft. That your craft is just fine.
It’s possible that you need to be braver instead."
-Seth Godin

Dancing is Dreaming

Textile artist Victoria Villasana does one of my fave things: embroidery on old photographs. It's lovely. On this one, she says, "Dancing is dreaming with your body."

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Victoria Villasana (@villanaart) on Jul 14, 2019 at 11:33am PDT

Optimal Enjoyment

“Contrary to what we usually believe, moments like these, the best moments in our lives, are not the passive, receptive, relaxing times — although such experiences can also be enjoyable, if we have worked hard to attain them. The best moments usually occur when a person’s body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile. Optimal experience is thus something that we make happen. For a child, it could be placing with trembling fingers the last block on a tower she has built, higher than any she has built so far; for a swimmer, it could be trying to beat his own record; for a violinist, mastering an intricate musical passage. For each person there are thousands of opportunities, challenges to expand ourselves.”
-Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

Added emphasis on the sentence "The best moments usually occur when a person's body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile." This is the take-home that I am trying to apply more often to my life!

On Point

This Instagram artist, whose name I am deducing is Nicole Narváez because she says her name is Nicole and her handle is Narváez Art, makes gloriously on-point political illustrations.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Narváez Art (@narvaez_art) on Oct 8, 2019 at 5:05pm PDT

Unpopular Opinions

I love this xkcd comic with an unpopular positive opinion challenge, where you share an unpopular opinion you hold about a movie you non-ironically love that is generally despised. It's fun and I couldn't find a single movie I loved that fit the bill until I found out that Hocus Pocus has only 33% on Rotten Tomatoes. That movie is GREAT!

Something Magical

Drag artist Jaremi Carey did cosplay as a different Harry Potter character every day for the month of October and his transformations are incredible. I would believe each and every single one if I saw them in a movie poster!

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by JAREMI CAREY (@phiphiohara) on Oct 1, 2019 at 1:33pm PDT

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You Are Not Behind

Photo by Alef Vinicius.

Do you ever feel like you're behind in life?

I certainly do.

Sometimes I feel behind in the "cool career moves" category. I recently realized that someone whose career I have always seen as "ahead" of mine is actually five years younger than me. (Whaaaaat? Where have I been???)

Other times I feel like I'm behind in the whole procreation thing. Mainly because, if/when I have children of my own, they will be years younger than my friends' kids, which makes me worry about our life stages being too different and the friendships falling completely apart while my kid sits alone and friendless in a corner. (Not melodramatic at all!)

I haven't considered this feeling to be a big part of my life because I don't think about it very often. Then I was reading financial advice from Bari Tessler and was surprised to see her speak to it: "You are not behind. Not now. Not ever. Not in this mini-course. Not in your job search/diet/lifeplan. You are precisely where you need to be, doing precisely what you need to be doing. How could it be otherwise?" (Did you expect financial advice to get so into your heart? Me neither.)

I read that and, despite the fact that I hadn't been consciously thinking I was behind in anything at that moment, breathed a sigh of relief. Without even realizing it, I was carrying a weight of needing to catch up. Of failing to keep pace.

That's when I realized that the sense of being behind isn't just a feeling I have once in a while. It's a belief, ingrained over years of comparing myself to other people and my own imagined ideal self/life. (Comparison, of course, being the sneaky, evil monster that does one thing, and one thing alone: steals our joy.)

Holding a belief that I'm behind in life means I don't have to actively think about it for it to impact me. It's there, underlying everything I do, and there it will stay until I actually start to believe something different.

This sucks for a number of reasons, but mostly because Bari Tessler is right: we can't be behind.

First of all, behind what? Or whom? What is this track we think we are supposed to follow? Which people's lives are the benchmark? Why them?

We have all spent our lives doing what we needed to do at that time, whether that was going to school, taking the first job we could find, travelling, playing video games, dating, working out every day, relentlessly pursuing a career goal, or caring for our families.

Whether or not we would like to brand those activities as "wasted time" or the "wrong focus", the fact is that at that time, we were the person we were with the information we had, and we made the best decision we could.

Now, we might have different values, more information, or even just a different perspective, but there's no way we could have had that back then. We didn't. (And even if we did, we only control so much in our lives--who's to say things would be very different now?)

For me, that means that there really is nowhere else my life could be right now. Even if there are things I would do differently if I could go back and start over again, that doesn't mean I'm not exactly where I am supposed to be right now. That place is also pretty great if I stop for a moment to appreciate it.

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Cute! Roundup: Cuddle Bliss, Possibly Possessed, Sharknado, and More!

My apartment is full of boxes right now as I await the day I can actually execute my bathroom renovation (thanks to some dry rot found in the floorboards--yayyyyyy), but at least all these boxes are giving Gertie new access to different perspectives in the living room!

OTHER CUTENESS:

This is me when cuddling.

Is this cat cute or possessed?

The cutest sharknado!

This happy guy!

This dads and daughters ballet class is so wonderful.

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Singalong! Angel of Mine by Monica

I've been sharing a lot of angsty singalongs lately, so let's take a turn for the totally sincere and sweet with Monica! (And let's also hope that this "angel" isn't the same guy she fights with Brandi over in The Boy is Mine!)

ANGEL OF MINE

by Monica

When I first saw you, I already knew

There was something inside of you

Something I thought that

I would never find, angel of mine

I look at you looking at me

Now I know why they say

The best things are free

I'm gonna love you, boy

You are so fine, angel of mine

How you changed my world

You'll never know

I'm different now

You helped me grow

You came into my life

Sent from above

When I lost all hope

You showed me love

I'm checking for you, boy

You're right on time, angel of mine

Nothing means more to me than what we share

No one in this whole world can ever compare

Last night, the way you moved is still on my mind

Angel of mine

What you mean to me

You'll never know

Deep inside, I need to show

You came into my life

Sent from above (Sent from above)

When I lost all hope

You showed me love

(Boy, you showed me love)

I'm checking for you, boy

You're right on time (Right on time)

Angel of mine (Angel of mine)

I never knew I could feel each moment

As if it were new

Every breath that I take

The love that we make

I only share it with you

(You, you, you, you)

When I first saw you, I already knew

There was something inside of you

Something I thought that

I would never find, angel of mine

You came into my life

Sent from above

(Came into my life, yeah, yeah, yeah)

When I lost all hope

You showed me love

(Boy, you showed me love, uh huh)

I'm checking for you, boy

You're right on time

(But boy, you're right on time)

Angel of mine (angel of mine, oh, mine)

How you changed my world

You'll never know

I'm different now

You helped me grow

I look at you looking at me

Now I know why they say

The best things are free

I'm checking for you, boy

You're right on time, angel of mine

Giphy

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Learning! Roundup: Social Media is Not Ruining Kids, Ex-Appreciation, and More!

Photo by Matheus Ferrero.

Social Media is Not Ruining Our Kids

A meta-analysis of research on social media's impact on teens shows that a lot of things impact their well-being more than Instagram: sleep, eating a good breakfast, smoking pot, and being bullied are some of them. Social media can enhance their lives, depending on how they use it.

Thank You, Next

After a break-up, it looks like men are more likely to hold a positive view of their ex than women. So far, this research has only been done on heterosexual relationships and I can think of a lot of explanations for it. What will be really interesting is when they look at it in terms of other sexual orientations!

Sleepy Entrepreneurs

If you were to attend a workshop on becoming an entrepreneur, what do you think the chances are that they would focus on making sure you get enough sleep? Slim, right? But entrepreneurs who sleep more are better at spotting good ideas!

Colonization Cycles

This graphic gives a handy reference to how colonization creates a deeply damaging system that commodifies humans.

Scary Dreams, Safe Life

Do you have freaky dreams? Getting scared while you sleep may be helping you stay calm during your waking hours.

Inflammation and Depression

It's possible that depression is an inflammation response, similar to an allergy. This theory has gained traction since discovering that anti-inflammatories can help with major depression. Similar findings hold for bipolar disorder.

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This Week in Church: Revolutions and Starting With What You Have

Welcome to the series wherein I share my take-aways from church. The things that, I think, are beneficial to all of us to know or think about, whether or not we believe in any church-related things.

This week in church we talked about revolutions.

One thing that I love when talking about the life of Jesus is the fact that he came (or is said to have come) to a people and at a time when they were expecting a revolutionary. They wanted a hero to come in, knives blazing, and set them free from Roman rule.

Instead, the Jesus written about in the Bible is a dude who did things like heal people, give out bread, tell stories, and ultimately let himself be killed by those Roman rulers as an example of non-violence. That's the kind of change he was trying to make. It was the opposite of violent (or even political) revolt--it was about love and sacrifice.

It always makes me wonder about the parts of the world where I see a need for change now: what kind of revolution is really needed?

This week in church we talked about starting with what you have.

When faced with a big situation, we often feel like we have nothing to offer. Whether it's the monumental need of homelessness or our own life's demands, it's easy to feel like we can't even begin to address the problem and would be foolish to even try. But instead of starting with helplessness, what if we start by evaluating what we do have? And then maybe even try contributing that to the problem? Once a gift is shared, its impact can multiply in ways we would never have expected beforehand.

I often try to remind myself that I would rather look foolish by doing something that shows I care than do nothing and appear to not care at all.

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Inspiration! Roundup: Geometry, Giving In to Joy, Obsessions, and More!

This Week's "I want to go to there": I want to get my hands all messed up from making something! (Yes, even if it's glitter that never goes away.)
Photo by Nicole Honeywill.

Geometry

I love Eamon Ore-Giron's work!

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Eamon Ore-Giron (@lengua) on Jan 18, 2019 at 9:16am PST

Joy is Not a Crumb

“If you suddenly and unexpectedly feel joy, don’t hesitate. Give in to it. There are plenty of lives and whole towns destroyed or about to be. We are not wise, and not very often kind. And much can never be redeemed. Still life has some possibility left. Perhaps this is its way of fighting back, that sometimes something happened better than all the riches or power in the world. It could be anything, but very likely you notice it in the instant when love begins. Anyway, that’s often the case. Anyway, whatever it is, don’t be afraid of its plenty. Joy is not made to be a crumb.”
- Mary Oliver

Obsessions

pic.twitter.com/vaZGA2Vo63

— Joseph Gordon-Levitt (@hitRECordJoe) October 14, 2019

A New Way of Being

This message was given by the International Council of 13 Indigenous Grandmothers on Indigenous Peoples' Day in the US. I love the gentle hope in this message.

“As you move through these changing times… be easy on yourself and be easy on one another. You are at the beginning of something new. You are learning a new way of being. You will find that you are working less in the yang modes that you are used to.

You will stop working so hard at getting from point A to point B the way you have in the past, but instead, will spend more time experiencing yourself in the whole, and your place in it.

Instead of traveling to a goal out there, you will voyage deeper into yourself. Your mother’s grandmother knew how to do this. Your ancestors from long ago knew how to do this. They knew the power of the feminine principle… and because you carry their DNA in your body, this wisdom and this way of being is within you.

Call on it. Call it up. Invite your ancestors in. As the yang based habits and the decaying institutions on our planet begin to crumble, look up. A breeze is stirring. Feel the sun on your wings.”
—The International Council of 13 Indigenous Grandmothers

Safe and Still

I love Rosanna Tasker's illustrations - most are vibrant and colourful, but this one makes me feel safe and still.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Rosanna Tasker Illustration (@rosannatasker.illustration) on Jun 6, 2018 at 8:01am PDT

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