Inspiration! Roundup: Ursula K. Le Guin's Words, Pejac's Dark Arts, Kindness, and More!

A roundup of inspiring things, including Ursula K. Le Guin, Pejac, Kindness, Leftover Women, and more.
This Week's "I want to go to there": This seems like a fun place to explore!
Photo by Easton Oliver.

Words
“Words are events, they do things, change things. They transform both speaker and hearer; they feed energy back and forth and amplify it. They feed understanding or emotion back and forth and amplify it.”
-Ursula K. Le Guin

Pejac's Art

Pejac's art is dark and captivating.


Kindness

“Err in the direction of kindness.”
— George Saunders

I have been working on this more lately. It's pretty easy to err in the direction of protectionism or defensiveness or laziness. But what happens when we err in the direction of kindness?

Leftover Women

This video about China's "leftover women" (unmarried after the age of 25) is inspiring and heartbreaking.


Electronic Gold Stars

The Everyday Calendar is so cool! Pick something you want to do every day (meditate? Exercise? Say no? Go to bed at a reasonable hour?) and every day you do it, press that day's button. Seeing the board light up is a beautiful and simple motivation.

Andy Gilmore Geometric Art

I could stare at Andy Gilmore's geometric art for ages.




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Challenge Accepted: Will Keeping a Commonplace Book Transform My Life?

Keeping a commonplace book seems to be another version of bullet journalling.
Photo by Joao Silas.

Have you ever heard of a commonplace book? If so, you're probably a person who knows a lot about history and I envy you. I just learned about them, and it looks to me like they are the 1800's version of a bullet journal, except not. Maybe keeping one will save you. I'm going to try keeping one and let you know if it becomes a thing that saves me.

Here's how one might describe a commonplace book: the "thinker's journal"; a collection of musings, quotes, and notes from interesting events; a reference guide to things that have inspired you; recollections on the human condition; a collection of wisdom to muse over later.

In its most basic form, a commonplace book is an index to wisdom, musings, quotes, and thoughts that have inspired you.

A copy of a 17th century commonplace book.
A 17th Century commonplace book containing poems and recipes. CC.

Given that, as far as I understand it, back in the day these were used in concert with a version of journalling where people would use brief notations to record things like the weather, major events of the day, and maybe even what they ate, this combo is basically a bullet journal, is it not? Given how people like to use them to chart their habits, behaviour, and moods as well as record inspirations and other fancy thoughts? It's a nice, structured way to reflect on life that (theoretically) doesn't take too much time.

The problem with bullet journals is that they have become very artistic and intimidating. People create works of art in their bullet journals, and while that is neat, it is also overwhelming for some of us. While it's true that the original bullet journal is nothing like that, it still feels like your bullet journal has to be all fancypants to count these days.

Right now, I have a notebook where I write everything down and it basically serves the function of a commonplace book and bullet journal and... whatever else. I jot down staff meeting notes, to do lists, notes from lectures, and whatever else I need to write down. For a while, I was doing more straightforward journalling in it as well, but that just takes too much time and I never stick with it.

So what will change?

Through the magical powers of intentionality, I will (hopefully) do two things with my commonplace book:

1) Transform my catch-all notebook into something that can be more of an effective resource - where various quotes, musings, and ideas can be more easily referenced and used on top of my to do lists and other random life notes.

2) Create more space for creative and deep thinking that doesn't take up a ton of time or rudely interfere with life.

I will keep you posted on how I decide to format the thing, and how it progresses!

Commonplace book resources: Critical Margins, Psychology Today, Thought Catalogue.


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Cute! Roundup: A Swinging Raccoon, Running Pup, Case of the Mondays, and More!

Sometimes when I need to be going to sleep, Gertie comes and lies on my chest and I take 20 photos of her instead.

Cute roundup of adorable things!

OTHER CUTENESS:

This swinging raccoon really made me feel (temporarily) better about the world.

A dog who finally gets to run!

Area cat has a serious case of the Mondays.

A collection of cats proving that they are actually liquid, not solid.

Trunk sale?


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Singalong! You and I by Ingrid Michaelson

This song always makes me smile. It's just so dang cute!


YOU AND I
by Ingrid Michaelson

Don't you worry there, my honey
We might not have any money
But we've got our love to pay the bills

Maybe I think you're cute and funny
Maybe I wanna do what bunnies do with you, if you know what I mean

Oh, let's get rich and buy our parents homes in the south of France
Let's get rich and give everybody nice sweaters and teach them how to dance
Let's get rich and build a house on a mountain making everybody look like ants
From way up there, you and I, you and I

Well, you might be a bit confused
And you might be a little bit bruised
But baby how we spoon like no one else
So I will help you read those books
If you will soothe my worried looks
And we will put the lonesome on the shelf

Oh, let's get rich and buy our parents homes in the south of France
Let's get rich and give everybody nice sweaters and teach them how to dance
Let's get rich and build a house on a mountain making everybody look like ants
From way up there, you and I, you and I

Oh let's get rich and buy our parents homes in the south of France
Let's get rich and give everybody nice sweaters and teach them how to dance
Let's get rich and build a house on a mountain making everybody look like ants
From way up there, you and I, you and I

Photo by Martijn vds. Creative Commons.


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Learning! Roundup: Laugh at Yourself and Have Better Sex, Wealthy Altruists, Hooking Up With Your Ex, and More!

A roundup of research and learning for the week, including the fact that people who like to laugh at themselves have better sex and relationships.
Photo by Natasha Kasim.

Laughing Your Way to Better Sex (and Relationships)

It looks like people who are comfortable laughing at themselves (and being teased by others) have better relationships and sex. This seems to be especially true for women, and conversely, men who enjoy laughing at others report lower enjoyment of their own relationships and sex lives. Also, here are some fun terms for you: gelotophobe (someone who is afraid of being laughed at), gelotophile (someone who enjoys being laughed at and may spur it on by telling embarrassing stories), and katagelasticists (people who enjoy laughing at others, even if it hurts their feelings).

Altruism For the Win

A new study gives credence to some of those hippy-dippy beliefs about the universe being generous to those who are generous: altruists tend to have more money, more children, and be happier than their more selfish counterparts.

Ex Hook Ups

We all know that hooking up with your ex is a bad idea, right? Well, new science says that it's pretty much fine. A study looking at couples who have recently broken up found that those who had sex after breaking up recovered from the relationship ending at a normal rate (measured as the same rate as those in the study who did not get it on with their exes). The sex even made them feel more positive about life overall.

Compassion and Chronic Pain

For those dealing with chronic pain, it looks like there could be benefits from having more compassion for themselves. In this case, self-compassion looks like accepting that the pain is a part of your life, that suffering in general is part of a shared human experience, and then avoiding over-identification with the suffering, pursuing desired activities in spite of it.

Living the Good Life with the Gender Gap

File this one under "subtly troubling and curious": when times are good in a society, the gender gap between men and women grows. Essentially, given the option and greater financial freedom, men and women make different career types of career choices. Of course, there are a number of factors that could explain this, beginning with and certainly not limited to the kind of values that are baked into men and women from birth.


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I Just Rewatched the Music Video for Ace of Base's All That She Wants and it is GRIM

If you are in your thirties or older, take a moment to remember the song All That She Wants by Ace of Base.

Got it?

It's not a party song by any means, but it's upbeat, right? That sweet beat! That whistling melody! Sure, the lyrics are confusing and kind of serious - it is a fun-sounding song about a lonely woman who is on the prowl for temporary lovers and/or who keeps trying to get pregnant with unsuspecting men. But you could have a low-key dance party to that song! One where people bop around with silly faces and sillier dance moves!

Now watch the music video:


It's all slow shots of people staring out windows with candles, staring at candles near windows, or staring forlornly at the camera whilst playing with a necklace. The colours are muted, and so are EVERYONE's expressions.

It's so SERIOUS. With a beachy, upbeat vibe in the music.

Also, I'm pretty sure that woman left a candle burning in her home as she went out to prowl for babies, which is very dangerous.

All That She Wants by Ace of Base has a weirdly serious music video
Giphy


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Feeling Better: Why I Wrote This Book

Why I wrote Feeling Better: A Field Guide to Liking Yourself, a book about finding healing from depression through learning to value yourself as a person.
I love to sit in trees and read, don't you?
Photo by Jalen Laine Photography.

A couple of weeks ago, I let you know that I wrote a book. A book! It's called Feeling Better: A Field Guide to Liking Yourself and it's coming out in February of 2019. I want to share with you guys a little more about what led me to write this particular book.

I started writing it a long time ago - I'm going to guess it was around 2010 that the first bits of it came out onto the "page" of my computer screen. At first, I wrote it because I needed it. I had previously developed a set of practices and habits that helped me get over my depression and learn to see myself as a person with value, instead of a thoroughly unloveable and worthless creature. It was a lot of work, teaching myself that I had any kind of value at all.

Then, after I had the revelation, did the work, and finally believed it to be true, life went on. At some point, I started a relationship that, when it ended, broke me. Not just my heart - it broke me. I was left in pieces and the only way I could glue myself back together was writing. I wrote down all those practices that had previously saved me. All the things that, last time I had to put myself together, had been the glue that made it stick. I wrote about the healing I had found once, a long time ago.

Eventually, time and friends and life and my heart and that writing practice did their thing and I did heal.

That's when I started to realize that maybe, just maybe, this collection of habits and exercises could be useful for someone else. I couldn't find anything like it; it seemed all the self-help books were either written by experts in their field who were writing from a place of authority but no personal experience, or personal stories woven into narratives without clear directives in terms of practical things that brought healing.

I realized that it was possible that the practices that had saved me could save someone else.

So then, naturally, I proceeded to ignore the book for several years, plucking away at it in tiny increments and mostly avoiding the calling I had just found in myself because that's what happens when you find a calling much bigger than yourself! (There is nothing like publishing a book about how to find your self-worth to help you question all the self-worth you have found in yourself.)

Finally, I realized that I had to just do it. I found an editor, and we polished that collection of writing up into a book. The book that I hope you will read in just a few months! (A few MONTHS!??!!! That's VERY SOON! EEK!)


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Inspiration! Roundup: Your Weirdness, Gaku Carving, Questions to Ask Yourself Before Giving Up, and More!

A roundup of inspiring things, including Gaku's carving, your weirdness, and more!
This Week's "I want to go to there": I just want to take some time to relax, like this guy.
Photo by Dorota Dylka.

Good for You
“When you connect with people who are good for you, you feel it. This is a big deal. Don’t forget to acknowledge how great it is to be around someone who lights you up. Tell them, even if you feel a little weird. Your people love your weirdness.”
- From Instagram via Swiss Miss.

The idea that my people love my weirdness is probably one of the best revelations I have ever had.

Gaku Carving

This Instagram account full of intricate designs carved into fruits and vegetables is incredible! There are some incredible pieces of art here, but I keep coming back to the avocado. It's one (impressive) thing to carve a detailed design into an apple or other crisp piece of produce, but an avocado??? Those things are soft! And malleable! It seems much harder to carve like this.


Before Giving Up

The poem Questions to Ask Yourself Before Giving Up by Kaitlyn Boulding is a beautiful, warm blanket that you want to keep looking at while you lie, wrapped in it, on the couch. Here are two snippets I am holding on to:

Give yourself ten minutes.
Give yourself ten years.
Give yourself an orgasm.
Give yourself a change of seasons.
Give yourself a new lover.
Give yourself a to-do list
written with sidewalk
chalk and hopscotch across it.


...

Everyone feels like a hallway
at some point or another.
But you are a room
that people enter to stay.


Break the Fourth Wall

This embroidered art by Times New Romance that breaks the fourth wall is amazing.


No Need for Fancy

“Don’t be fancy, just help people.”
– Glennon Doyle


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This Week in Church: Unity and Tribalism

Welcome to the series wherein I share my take-aways from church. The things that, I think, are beneficial to all of us to know or think about, whether or not we believe in any church-related things.

I think that church can teach things that are beneficial to everyone, whether or not we believe in church-related things.

This week in church we talked about unity.

How apropos, the Sunday after an election, that we talk about unity. (Let alone, you know, everything that's been happening in the world for what feels like forever but is actually only a few years.) We've talked about it before, and it's kind of a big thing, so I'm sure we'll talk about it again, because it's kind of a big deal.

Here are my main takeaways this time:

Begrudging or manipulative unity is not real unity. Real unity comes from everyone freely agreeing that being together is more important than the things they disagree about, without pretending they no longer disagree on those things.

Humility is required to achieve unity. You have to be willing to see the value in the other person, to have real conversations with them, and to seek understanding. You have to be able to entertain a thought pattern without accepting it, step into someone else's shoes, and remember that your "rightness" may not be not the most important thing. That's humility! And it's hard!

"Each of us must turn inward and destroy in themselves all that they think they ought to destroy in others."
-Etty Hellesum
(Note: I changed the quote from gendered terminology, referring to "each of us" in male terms, to gender neutral terms, assuming that Etty meant this for everyone but was writing in a time when male was the default.)

This week in church we talked about tribalism.

After some conversations with an Indigenous friend of mine, whenever people talk about tribalism, my antenna goes up. Because I think we talk about tribes and tribalism wrong these days. We talk about tribes in terms of people dividing up to draw clear lines of us vs. them and justify war against the other. My understanding now is that while tribes do provide a clear us/them division, it's not about fighting or othering. It's about practicality, loyalty, and respect. The respect is for everyone, not just your own tribe.

So what this tells me is that, if we are indeed separating off into our own tribes, I want to try to approach others in what I think is the true spirit of tribalism: respect. When I'm in someone else's territory (whatever that means), I am going to respect their practices and their rituals. When someone's in my territory, I'm going to help them know what I expect and be gracious that they might not get it right. When another tribe does something that seems odd or wrong to me, I'm going to start by remembering that they have a whole different set of expectations and practices than me and respect that.


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Cute! Roundup: The Fanciest Rat, Unfortunate Stair Pranks, the Photo Ark, and More!

I love it when Gertie does this: she was sitting on my lap, and she just reached out and put a paw on the knee of the friend sitting next to me. It's as if she's saying, "Hey, it's okay, I care about you, too." (Or maybe, "Hey, it's okay, I am also in total control of your life.") Either way, it's cute.

Cute things!


OTHER CUTENESS:

This rat is a fancy rat!

I think this cat's prank is going to backfire for everyone.

Who can resist a basket full of baby sloths???

This is a very serious question.

The Photo Ark is an adorable and dark collection of photos of each species of animal held in a zoo or research centre - you know, because we're killing the planet.


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Singalong! The Scientist by Coldplay

The other day a guest on a podcast talked about Coldplay's The Scientist, and I thought to myself, "dang, I haven't thought about this song in forever!" It used to be one of those songs I would listen to because it felt like it grabbed my heart and flew away with it.


THE SCIENTIST
by Coldplay

Come up to meet you
Tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you
Tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart

Tell me your secrets
And ask me your questions
Oh let's go back to the start
Running in circles, coming up tails
Heads on a science apart

Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh take me back to the start

I was just guessing at numbers and figures
Pulling your puzzles apart
Questions of science, science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart

Tell me you love me
Come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start
Running in circles, chasing our tails
Coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy
Oh it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
I'm going back to the start

Learn the lyrics to Coldplay's old hit The Scientist
Giphy



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Learning! Roundup: VR Treatments, Growth Mindset for Social Behaviour, Confident Accetns, and More!

New research roundup, including the fact that psychiatrists can now use VR to treat everything from schizophrenia to height phobia
Photo by Martin Sanchez.

VR Treatments

New research is being done on using VR for psychiatric treatments, and it's pretty effective! So far, VR has been used to help those with schizophrenia as well as people with height phobia. One of the great benefits seems to be the ability to expose people to immersive situations, safely.

Growth Mindset for Social Behaviour

There is already a lot of research that the "growth mindset" is better for kids academically, and so parents and teachers are encouraged to reward kids for working hard and improving, not for "being smart", which is a fixed trait. Now research shows it's also good for social behaviour, and your kid is more likely to help out if you encourage them "to help" (a growth trait) versus "be a helper" (a fixed trait).

Accents and Confidence

Unfortunately, humans have some terribleness at our core, and if someone is speaking with an accent different from our own we will inherently distrust them a little bit. However, that distrust seems to be overruled by confidence. If a person with a foreign accent speaks with confidence, the listener will trust them again.

We Talk

A new meta-analysis of relationship research shows that couples who use "we talk" (saying we and us over me and you) have more connected, happy relationships. Looks like it's correlational, so suddenly saying "we" won't necessarily save your relationship, but hey, you never know.

Police DNA Banks Just Grew

You know those genetic websites where you give them your DNA and they tell you if you might have restless leg syndrome or who your fourth cousin is? Well, surprise! They aren't just in it for helping you learn about yourself. They are in it for the genetic information, and now in the US they are looking to team up with police to help them find criminals. Honestly, I'm not sure I have a problem with this, but I can see how a lot of people might!

Meat-Eater Status

Here's more research to feed my vegetarian superiority complex: it's possible that meat eaters are doing so just for their egos. New research in evolutionary psychology (a field that, to be honest, I am skeptical of) suggests that, since in the past eating meat showed that you were more powerful than others, people now struggle with becoming vegetarian because of some ancient desire to communicate status and influence. It's all ego!


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This Week in Church: Vines and Branches, Spirituality, and Creating a Rule of Life

Welcome to the series wherein I share my takeaways from church. The things that, I think, are beneficial to all of us to know or think about, whether or not we believe in any church-related things.

I think that church can teach things that are beneficial to everyone, whether or not we believe in church-related things.

This week in church, we talked about vines and branches.

You may have heard the thing Jesus said: "I am the vine and you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit."

The interesting part of this is that the branches are really just there to receive and be dependent on the vine. They don't do a whole lot of striving on their own but draw their strength from the vine. They are also the part where all the beautiful fruit and flowers live. So according to this, our job is to stay connected to the source of our lives so that we can receive from it, and let that love help us grow into something beautiful.

That sounds nice, but my next question is how the heck do we actually do that. (Oh! And that's coming!)

This week in church, we talked about spirituality.

It's where we find rest. It's our deep longings. It's how we fight and make up. So basically, our spirituality is in everything, and I gather it's more in the how than the what.

This reminds me of my yoga teacher training when we talked about how what makes yoga special isn't the poses, but the mental presence you bring to them, and how you can bring that mindset to any part of your life, making walking to the bus or doing dishes into a yoga practice.

Also, this quote:

"Ask me what I am living for and what I think is keeping me from living fully for that."
-Thomas Merton

This week in church we talked about a Rule of Life.

This is supposed to be the "how we do it" part. If the idea is that we are a vine, and if our vine is left to just grow on the ground, it's going to get all curled in on itself and tangled and stuck. (This sounds like a familiar posture to my brain when left to its own devices.) A Rule of Life is like a trellis to help build structure and order into our growth, keeping us connected to our vine while growing up and out.

In non-metaphorical terms, it's a structure or rhythm of practices that (in this case) allow us to pay attention to God in everything that we do. Or if the God part isn't your thing, then I would say whatever you think the source of your life is.

It's a morning and nighttime routine of prayer and meditation, daily phone reminders, and whatever the heck else you might do to be intentional and structured about noticing your vine.

This week in church we talked about pruning.

Sometimes branches need to be pruned. Not in the, "you have not lived up to my standard and must be thrown in the trash" way, but in the way where we fill our lives with too many things and need to cut back. Even if some of them are very good things.

So your Rule of Life should include opportunities to prune. One guy quits something every single Thursday as a part of his Rule of Life. Thursday is quitting day. That's kind of neat. (Maybe this Thursday I'll quit trying to be what I think other people want me to be.)

This is pretty much the thing I am the worst at, and probably always will be, but a good vine needs to prune every once in a while!


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Teresa of Avila Has Really Gotten Inside My Head

Teresa of Avila says that we should do "that which best stirs us to love." - So how does that work?
Photo by Kyle Glenn.

“The important thing is not to think much but to love much; and so do that which best stirs you to love.”
― Teresa of Avila

I came across this quote recently, and it won't leave me. It's that last part that gets to me the most: the instruction to "do that which best stirs you to love."

I imagine she may have written this in opposition to "I think, therefore I am", to redirect away from the idea that thinking is the defining element of humanity, but now it feels like an antidote to the "you do you" philosophy that is so shareable on social media. You know, "you are only responsible for yourself and your actions and happiness is the best thing and just do things that make you happy and love yourself and don't worry about anything else." It's a very Instagrammable philosophy.

It seems, however, that Ms. Teresa is suggesting a love that's not just for ourselves. She doesn't suggest we do that which we love doing the most or that which stirs us to feel love. She wants us to do that which stirs us to love, period. Love, it seems, is a verb. Its focus is external.

But! That's not all! Because she also isn't saying to just go out and force ourselves to love people. She is saying to do things that best stir us to love. That naturally tease the love out of us. It is, to a degree, "you do you"; it's "you do the thing that most brings out an active kid of love in you."

So what is that thing? What kinds of activities bring out love? In me? In others? In us?

The first thing I think of is acts of service, which are, of course, acts of love, so it's probably cheating. Still, let's go with it for a minute.

For example, last night I sewed a Halloween costume for my nephew. It was something I naturally wanted to do out of my love for both him and my sister, as well as a selfish desire to see pictures of him dressed up like a dinosaur (he will look so cute!). Plus, I like making things.

It wasn't forced or begrudging. It was an act of service for people I care about that I enjoyed doing AND it brought me into a space of active love.

So maybe that's a thing. Maybe love begets love. Maybe if we start where the loving is easy and act on that, we will be stirred to love more, in general.

This seems as good a place to start as any.


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Inspiration! Roundup: Who Are You Too Much For?, Bebe Miller's Satisfaction, Swiss Miss, and More!

A round up of things that inspire me, including getting dressed up for Halloween and learning I am not too much for everyone
This Week's "I want to go to there": I am ready to get my Halloween on!
Photo by Rawpixel

Too Much


One of my primary insecurities is probably that I am "too much" - too much of what exactly, is hard to say. Of myself? At any rate, this image was a good one for me to see.



Satisfaction

"There’s something about not being able to satisfy that that ultimately maybe is more interesting or satisfying."
-Bebe Miller (choreographer)

Time Lapse

There is always something pretty amazing about watching videos that manipulate time. I assume it has something to do with the fact that our brains always know something is off about it - we always experience time in, well, real time, unless it's artificially manipulated.

This video of the SpaceX Falcon 9 rocket launch from Huntington Beach looks like an alien event.


EJ Hill's Unwavering Tendency Towards the Centre of a Blistering Sun

Artist EJ Hill created a piece "for bodies that refuse to comply" wherein he stood on an athlete's medal podium, unmoving, for all the opening hours of the Hammer Museum, where it was being hosted. Incredible.


Do and Don't

"Don't complain, create."
-Tina Roth Eisenburg (aka, Swiss Miss in Forbes)


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