Saturday, August 27, 2016

Singalong! You Don't Own Me by Grace ft. G-Eazy

Oh man, you guys, remember how good I said the music was in the beginning of Suicide Squad? This was one of the best. I am allllll over this song right now. (And yes, I know that the original was by Lesley Gore, and yes, that was great too, especially because the "you don't own me" message was even more relevant then, but this one is just so... damn, you know? And it's the PERFECT intro to the perfection of Harley Quinn.)

Too bad this video is boring and is also a girl singing "you don't own me" in a recording studio with a man literally controlling her sound her from the booth... But let's be honest, this song is about Harley Quinn, not Grace. So just scroll down past the music video and look at the HQ gifs I posted at the bottom.


YOU DON'T OWN ME
by Grace ft. G-Eazy

You don't own me
You don't own me

[G-Eazy:]
Well, let's go
But I'm Gerald and I can always have just what I want
She's that baddest I would love to flaunt
Take her shopping, you know Yves Saint Laurent
But nope, she ain't with it though
All because she got her own dough
Boss bossed if you don't know
She could never ever be a broke hoe

You don't own me
I'm not just one of your many toys
You don't own me
Don't say I can't go with other boys

Don't tell me what to do
And don't tell me what to say
Please, when I go out with you
Don't put me on display

You don't own me
Don't try to change me in any way
You don't own me
Don't tie me down cause I'd never stay

Don't tell me what to do
And don't tell me what to say
Please, when I go out with you
Don't put me on display

[G-Eazy:]
Re-really though, honestly
I get bored of basic (No)
She's the baddest, straight up vicious, texting her asking her
If she's alone and if she'd sent some pictures, she said no (what)
Well goddamn, she said come over and see it for yourself
Never asking for your help, independent woman
She ain't for the shelf
Nah, she's the one
Smoke with her till the (Ahh)
Stayin' up until we see the sun
Baddest ever, I swear she do it better than I've ever seen it done
Never borrow, she ain't ever loan
That's when she told me she ain't never ever ever ever gonna be owned

I don't tell you what to say
I don't tell you what to do
So just let me be myself
That's all I ask of you
I'm young and I love to be young
And I'm free and I love to be free
To live my life the way I want
To say and do whatever I please

Huh! Hey!
Ohh-oh noo
Ohh Noo no-oh
Ohhh No no no-ooh
Don't, do don't
Hey!
(You don't own me)
But just know, you never met somebody like me before tho
(Nah nah nah nah nah nah)
(You don't own me)
Easy.

You don't own me





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Friday, August 26, 2016

Learning! Roundup: Delicious salty goodness, generosity revealed, and the origin of bums upended

Learning! Roundup: Delicious salt fights headaches, brain scans for generosity, more benefits to exercise, and the origin of bums
Image Source: Wikimedia Commons. By Steven G. Johnson

Salt is good for more than just the earth

Okay, I know salt isn't actually good for the earth - people salt the earth to destroy it so that invading forces can't grow food and die. But there's also the saying "salt of the earth" and that means that the person in question was good to have around, doesn't it?

Regardless of either of these things, there is now correlational evidence that people who eat a lot of salt have fewer migraines and headaches. First, let's all recite the scientific mantra together: "correlation does not equal causation." Second, let's get excited, because eating salt is DELICIOUS and at least now when people give us sideways looks for putting too much salt on things because we're "going to give ourselves heart attacks", we can rebut that at least we won't have migraines in the meantime.

Brain scans for generosity

Now we can scan your brain and find out if you are actually kind and generous, or faking it. (Although really, if you are faking generosity, is the outcome the same?)

Two studies on exercise

Study one: people discuss anecdotally a lot how keeping in shape is good for your brain. Recent research shows that, indeed, physical fitness does improve mental performance and speculates as to the reason (perhaps it has something to do with circulating blood that happens to be full of nutrients up into the ol' brain hole or increased neurogenesis.)

Study two: turns out the placebo effect applies to exercise. The more you believe exercise will be good for you, the better it will be.

So this means we've got to keep exercising no matter how much we hate it, and just like with faith healers, we have to really believe it's going to work. Come on, guys! Let's do this!

Share memories, share lives

You know that annoying thing couples do where they seem incapable of remembering things on their own and they need to remind each other of their shared memories and you want to shout at them, "Are you an individual human or not??? Do you even have your own brain???"

Turns out that this is called "interconnected memories" and that in couples and friendships alike, this shared memory increases closeness and helps people have stronger relationships.

The origin of bums upended

Bet you never thought you'd watch a video of a comb jelly pooping, did you? Well, now you can, and you will be watching evidence that we got the origin of bum holes all wrong. We used to think that life evolved from blob-like creatures with one hole that they used for both intake and output into elongated creatures with mouths and anuses.

The original comb jelly has been placed very early in the evolution cycle of life - they should be one-hold eating-pooping machines. And yet, scientists JUST witnessed it poop for the first time ever - not through its mouth hole. NOW WHAT, SCIENCE???


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Thursday, August 25, 2016

How to throw an awesome stag(ette) party

Some stagettes involve going out and drinking, others involve sleep overs and lip sync competitions

This past weekend I co-hosted my (quickly counts in her head) ninth stagette party. Because of this, my friends and I not-so-humbly consider ourselves to be a stagette planning pros, and we are seriously (but not so seriously) considering starting a party planning business where we give you all the ideas and then you do the work, because we don't want to do the work no matter how much you pay us.

That's not true. We would do it for a suitcase so full of money it glows.

So here I offer you my party planning services for FREE.

Here is how you plan the bestest party for your bestest friend.

One: Forget everything you thought you knew about stag(ette)s.

Two: Now remind yourself of the key factor that the whole point of a stag(ette) is for the bride or groom to have a sweet, sweet party.

Three: Ask yourself not what you think would be a sweet, sweet party, but what your FRIEND thinks would be a sweet, sweet party. (Consider this a variation on asking yourself what you can do for your country, à la JFK.)

Four: Ask yourself, your co-planners, and possibly your friend, five thousand questions: do they like surprises? Do they have a particular style or personal flair? What is the theme of the wedding? Do they like bars and drinking and dancing? Do they like quiet times with close friends? Do they like challenges and/or games? Who do they want to invite? What is their favourite drink? What is their favourite dessert? What is their favourite thing to do? Do they have a favourite spot to have fun? Are they active, outdoorsy-types? Are they gamers? Bar stars? Exhibitionists? Quiet? Fancy?

Five: Think about the answers to these questions, and then make those answers into a party.

Five(b): Remember that a good theme goes a long way to make a party go from regular to awesome. Sure, you may be playing poker in a basement all night, but with a bit of decor, a themed playlist, and some sweet smoking jackets, the whole thing feels like an experience. An experience!

Six: Because we live in the age of Instagram, the pressure is on for cool photo ops. There must be cool photo ops. Think about the cool photo ops. Even if your bestie is anti-social media, they probably like having cool photos of themselves with their friends (although what on earth they do with them beyond sharing them on social media, I have no idea.) Consider making gifs. I am currently really into making gifs. Like this one:


Seven: Rest on the seventh day. You are done. Just kidding! Chances are there is now a lot of work to do to actually pull off the party you planned. Get thee to the internet. You know that some overachieving blogger has done everything to perfection and will have additional ideas to make the party extra special.

Examples!

In one we stayed in and played Mario Party all night. In another we rented hotel rooms and ran around town doing an elaborate series of challenges and dares. In another we did karaoke and went dancing. In another we had a girly sleepover and lip sync competition. In yet another we literally just chilled at the beach for the day. In many we slept over and had cake the next morning. The options are ENDLESS. Well, they aren't quite endless, but they are plentiful.


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Me & Ryan Gosling trying out couples' therapy

When you're in a lifelong relationship with a celebrity, you get access to things you would never normally get, like therapy with Sigmund Freud. Yes. THE Sigmund Freud. He's only dead if you're not famous.

Documenting my totally real, lifelong relationship with Ryan Gosling

Just kidding! This is actually a shot from a play called Freud's Last Session. After the performance, they let you come down on stage and take photos with the actor playing Freud.


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Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Inspiration! Roundup: Dancing on the moonlight, bannock stories, and minimalist brains

Inspiration! Roundup: Dancing on the moonlight, bannock stories, and minimalist brains, among other things
This week's "I want to go to there": weird robot fun.

Dancing on the moonlight

There's a stunning photo series of three dancers doing ballet on the surface of the moon (okay, fine, it's not the real moon, it's a set) that I just love. There is an alleged mystery attached to it - it was taken on the set of an old film called Destination Moon, but wasn't a part of the film itself.

Now, people are treating this like some crazy conundrum, when I can think of three fantastic explanations: 1) the actors were goofing around between takes and someone took photos, 2) it was meant to go over the title sequence at the end (or something like that) and got cut, or 3) this is actually the moon and they all teleported there for a photoshoot and then sworn to secrecy about it (but were allowed to release the images).

Regardless of where the photos came from, they are gorgeous and otherworldly (pun not intended, but recognized).

tea&bannock

The blog tea&bannock should be read by everyone! It is made up of photographs and stories by Indigenous women and it is beautiful. The images are beautiful. The stories are beautiful. Its creator describes how it began, and the story is beautiful:
“I want a community, a group of women I can talk to about editing, and writing, and art, and what it means processing all of that through Indigenous eyes,” I said. “I want a place where we lift each other up, and support one another.“

“So start it,” my friend said.
Check it out. My favourite stories so far are No Wave Feminism and Epic Summer Road Trips: #auntiesdoportlandia2015. What are yours?

Like Lady Gaga, Just Dance

I am a HUGE advocate of dancing it out. There is something in the act of moving to music that can solve a world of ills. Here is a letter of recommendation in the NY Times for the video game Just Dance as a brilliant dance and workout option: "I am elevating my heart rate, but I am also sidestepping the self."

She's got a point. When you dance - and I mean really dance, as in, the-music-moves-you-arms-akimbo-feet-flailing-everything-is-free dance - you let yourself go. Self-consciousness, self-awareness, and basically all concept of self must be set aside. You are a body and some music, and that's it.

Try it! Use the video game or DIY the thing with music and a bit of floor. Either way, just dance!

Minimalist Mantras

Minimalism is all the rage right now (she says, sitting in her apartment filled with books, mementos, and now multiple shelves of fossils). Apartment Therapy has put together a collection of mantras to help us keep our brains and lives as minimal as our homes are supposed to be: this too shall pass; just say no; don't borrow trouble; less is more.

This too shall pass: one of my favourite lessons from my yoga teacher training is the reminder that everything changes. This too shall pass applies to the bad and the good. Live in the moment that is happening and don't worry too much about holding onto it or pushing it away. This is not easy.

Just say no: this is too hard. I don't know how to do this.

Don't borrow trouble: also hard. I feel other peoples' feelings quite a lot. One of my psych profs called me "a high empathy person", which I like because it makes me sound like a kindness superhero, but in reality sometimes I borrow someone else's trouble.

Less is more: you mean I don't have to do everything? I can do less, and do it well, and that will be worth more?

Get in there and do something
“It is not the critic who counts; not the [person] who points out how the strong [one] stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the [person] who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends [themselves] in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if [they] fail, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”
– Theodore Roosevelt (edited for gender neutrality, so that I could feel included)
Ever since reading Brené Brown's Daring Greatly, I see variations on this quote all the time.

Question is: what is the relationship between "less is more" and getting into the arena? I suppose it has something to do with not getting into every single arena. And perhaps refraining from commenting on the activity in other arenas.


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Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Watermelon Sangria: Reality vs. the lifestyle bloggers

Sometimes you see something beautiful online, and then you try to make it...

A little while ago I came across this magical-looking DIY for watermelon sangria! Of course, it was dreamy and picturesque on the blog, like a hipster cooking show with a sweet little baby (by the by, I kind of love the prominence of the baby in this post where, I choose to imagine, the mama went on to drink an entire bottle of wine out of a watermelon. That kind of attention to detail really brings the retro vibe to life.)

It seemed beautiful AND remarkably easy: just hollow out a mini watermelon and blend it up with some mint and lime, strain the mixture, and pour it back in the hollow watermelon with some wine. Done! Summertime bliss!

Since I don't have a man to fan me with a giant palm leaf while I sip luxurious beverages, I invited a few friends over to partake in my summertime fancy and got to work.

Needless to say, my execution looked nothing like this fine lady's.

Here are some shots from what it looks like to make watermelon sangria in a normal, human kitchen:

Step One: Cut the watermelon in half and hollow it out, then blend it with mint and lime.

This is easy enough, and at first I felt like a lifestyle blogger goddess! I was only missing the adorable baby gnawing on watermelon chunks.

Here's the tricky bit: one mini watermelon is just a tiny bit too much for my food processor, so it kept leaking down the sides. I took to blending a bit, scooping some out, and then doing it bit by bit. So the task was technically easy, but slow and methodical to do without making a huge ol' mess, and even then, it was messy. I even tidied up a bit before taking this picture of the mess:

This is actually a somewhat tidied-up version of what the work area looked like. I had to do one watermelon at a time, and even then, it didn't quite fit in the food processor.

Here you can see the watermelon junk all stuck around the top of the food processor from past blending. The pink and green look pretty together though, don't you think?

This is what it looks like to blend up a bunch of watermelon sangria. One mini watermelon didn't quite fit in my food processor, and dang did it get messy quick.

Step Two: Strain the mixture.

This was harder than I expected. I had to pour it bit by bit into the strainer and really squeeze it through, otherwise I got barely a dribble of watermelon juice.

This gorgeous mint sludge was left behind:

Straining the watermelon-mint mixture was harder than expected. I had to really squeeze it through, and was left with this delicious-looking stuff.

Step Three: Mix in wine and pour into watermelon halves to drink.

More (mostly expected) challenges! Watermelon halves are round and squat. This shape is ideal for tipping and spilling, making it less than perfect as a drinking vessel. Of course, half the fun of watermelon sangria is drinking out of a watermelon, so this was a non-negotiable. Instead of pouring them into glasses like a total chump, I put the watermelon halves into bowls for stability. The problem was solved, but it wasn't very picturesque.

The watermelons are also very tippy and spilly, so bowls were essential to hold them steady.

Step Four: Enjoy!

This was the easiest part, and is best achieved with some people to help you drink yours.


Oh, and you don't have to leave your pregnant friend out of Watermelon Sangria night! Instead of mixing it all up together, mix individual drinks and then she gets watermelon and fizzy water. Still good.

In fact, I wound up mixing a little soda water into everyone's watermelon sangria to make them a bit lighter and add some bubbles.


Finally, I may not have had an adorable baby to lend to the domestic goddess-ness of my experiment, but I did have a cat who desperately wanted to drink out of our watermelons. I can confirm that she did, indeed, get some watermelon sangria spilled on her.


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Have you seen all these Abbey Road gifs?

Join with me for the simple, but gleeful, entertainment that comes from random people animating The Beatles crossing Abbey Road.

The Beatles Abbey Road crossing gifs animated

I love these Beatles Abbey Road crossing animated gifs!

This gif of The Beatles doing a silly walk across Abbey Road is hilarious.

Here they only get one step into Abbey Road before they reset, Groundhog Day-style.

The Beatles do one, epic slow-motion walk across Abbey Road

This one The Beatles cross Abbey Road backwards, just to mix things up a bit.


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Monday, August 22, 2016

Cute! Roundup: Caged Gertie, surprise owls, forced cuddles, and house hippos

This will hopefully be my last reference ever to The Big Move. We decided to give away this old Ikea wire drawer set, and so to make it more enticing, we photographed it with Gertie inside. Turns out, it's a remarkably comfortable cat bed. (Naturally, it's much more comfortable than the actual cat bed we got for her.)


Help is on the way

An adorable surprise

This cat wants snuggles and SNUGGLES IT WILL GET

Does this baby hippo make anyone else think of those cruel House Hippo commercials?

(The commercials were cruel because they make you want house hippos to be real SO BADLY and they aren't and it's just mean. Okay, here, let's just watch it. Get ready to be sad:)


I know. Now you are heartbroken because the house hippo is not real. That voice over at the end talking about how it seemed real but you knew it couldn't be? They didn't take into account the great power of my brain to convince myself that something so sweet and adorable HAS to be real, no matter how implausible.

Canadian PSA advertisers: creating and destroying the dreams of children every single day.


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Sunday, August 21, 2016

Animals on Tinder - The Tenthiversary!

And by "Tenthiversary", of course, I mean the tenth edition of Animals on Tinder! What else can these poor, innocent animals be forced to say from our Tinder profiles.

Animals on Tinder: Putting the words of Tinder profiles into the mouths of innocent animals

This little piggy went to Tinder and tried to impress us all with his job! Luckily he got documented by Animals on Tinder

People say the best things in their Tinder profiles! This is what is supposed to help me choose you as a mate, right?



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