Wondering what the difference is between the airport in Vancouver and the airport in Phoenix? I'll tell you:

The airport in Phoenix is ugly. The airport in Vancouver is not.

I feel so elitist being here.

A case of the Mondays

Is it bad that I watch myself in this and think that I'm probably the funniest person in the world? (With the assistance of Alison and Brad of course - even the funniest person in the world needs a support and inspiration network).

Back story: this video was inspired by Brad who posted a video from 30 Rock on my wall that ends with a teeny tiny clip of Liz Lemon walking kinda like that down the hall. I commented that I loved her walk. Brad suggested I test it out at the office (where I was at the time). I did it. Reported back that it was a success. Brad wanted evidence. Alison took a video of me doing it again. We posted it online. Hilarity ensued FOR THE REST OF TIME.

kyoto or bust!

Okay, I know that the government breaking their promises is pretty much the norm, but it still gets my ire up.  This morning I sat down at my computer to see the headline "Peter Kent pulls Canada out of Kyoto" and I felt that burst of fire in my belly.  My government's idiocy when it comes to the environment is just as frustrating for me as their indifference when it comes to the arts.  So, in the true spirit of this modern age, I wrote an email to Mr. Kent, CC'ing my MP, and am now posting it here for "the world" to read.

Dear Minister Kent,

I just read the unfortunate news that you have decided to pull Canada out of the Kyoto Agreement. I am very dismayed by this news.

It is my understanding that you never really tried to meet Canada's Kyoto targets (although, to be fair, your predecessors, the Liberals, never did either), and now you are walking away because it is too hard. That is the worst kind of defeatism I have ever heard and sends a horrible lesson to the citizens of our country that we should set goals, make promises, make no effort to keep them, and then abandon them.

It is also my understanding that you don't want to participate in an agreement to reduce greenhouse gases that doesn't include other nations that are major contributors to global pollution. The idea that it's only worth making an effort if other countries are doing the same tells me that I shouldn't bother trying to follow the laws because there are career criminals out there breaking more laws than I ever would. It also tells me that children shouldn't bother standing up to bullies because every other child on the playground isn't making an effort.

Your government speaks often of Canada being a world leader. You do realize that leaders do things FIRST - they don't wait for everyone else to agree to a course of action before they do it.

The message you are sending, not only to Canadians, but to the world is that you should only do the right thing if it's easy and if everyone else is doing it. Fighting climate change is not only the right thing to do, it is the necessary thing to do. It is possible that the Kyoto Protocol is not the best way to fight global warming. If you feel that is the case, then I trust you are ready to announce a new, improved plan that is both realistic and actionable, and I look forward to hearing it.

the "oil method" sounds gross, is great

I have exciting news for everyone!  I have discovered the best gosh darn skin care regimen on the planet!  It's grossly named "The Oil Method" because it (grossly sounding) involves rubbing oil all over your face.

Disclaimer: I have always had terrible skin.  Oily, shiny, bumpy, and spotty, my teenage years were full of visits to the doctor to find a way to wipe my filmy face clean.  Apparently this means I will have less wrinkly skin when I get older, but for the time being it is inconvenient.  I have been encouraged to try oil for skin care in the past and flat out rejected it because, DUH, a shortage of oil is not my problem!

Then my dear friend with porcelain skin told me she was trying the Oil Method of skin care and loving the results.  I was skeptical, but she explained to me how it worked (something past proponents of oil could never do):

  • It's a mixture of castor oil and a second "carrier oil" (she uses almond, I use extra virgin olive)
  • The castor oil is the key - it is the ingredient that binds to oil and draws it out of your skin
  • Unlike the hoo-has who told me to use oil in the past, this does not involve slathering oil on your skin and leaving it there, but massaging oil into your skin and then steaming it off which has the benefit of actually pulling oil and ickiness out of your skin
  • It follows the principle that "like attracts like" - oil based products will better adhere to oil and remove it, something I remember as true from grade 11 chemistry (Hey Mr. Ianone!  You were right!  Chemistry is helping me in my adulthood!)
I was convinced!  I tried it!  IT WORKS!

Admission: I do not yet have porcelain skin.  I still have some little breakouts, but I know that those are at least in part due to the fact that I keep sitting at my desk with my face in my hands and hands are gross and should never touch your face.  What has changed is that the quality of my feels much nicer, the colouring seems to be evening out, AND the little breakouts I do have stay small, manageable, and much less noticeable, as opposed to stubborn red eruptions all over my face.  I am confident that it will slowly turn my in to the porcelain skinned goddess I have always dreamed of being and that my life will become perfect.

HOW DO YOU DO IT YOU ASK?  (Yes, you are yelling, because you are excited like me.)
  1. Go buy some castor oil.  You can find it at a drug store.
  2. Choose your carrier oil.  Like I said, I like extra virgin olive oil mostly because it's easy to find and cheap.  Other options include almond oil and sunflower seed oil.  Canola and other cooking oils are nicht good (that means bad).
  3. Work out your formulation.  Castor oil is the active ingredient, and the proportions of castor to carrier oil depend on your skin quality.  I have about 30% castor oil for my oily skin.  Dry skinned types are recommended to go down to about 10%.  You may have to play around to find your variation.
  4. Consider adding Tea Tree Oil if you have acne issues (like moi [sorry, just watched the Muppets movie and Miss Piggy is influencing my writing])
  5. USE IT!  
    1. Rub a generous amount all over your face.  Really massage it in.  This website recommends meditating on how beautiful your skin will be while you rub that oil in.  I don't do that because it takes too long and is silly.
    2. Let it sit and soak in.  I usually massage in the oil, then rub the excess oil into my hands and cuticles (because, you know, "waste not") and then brush and floss my teeth to give it time to soak nice and deep.
    3. Steam it off!  To do this, get a face cloth, soak it in hot water, and place the cloth over your face.  Let it sit until it cools.  Repeat.  Maybe massage the cloth gently into your face a little (but don't scrub!). Do this a few times.
    4. Sometimes I then splash my face with water to flush everything out.
    5. If you're feeling a little tight and dry after this, rub a tiny amount of oil onto your face and leave it there.
PS: I just read the end part of the article on that website I linked to, and it says you shouldn't do this every day.  So far I have been with no problems, so... liars?