The Receptionist: June 2018

Singalong! Danny's Song by Loggins and Messina

This simple song about love and new life always brings joy to my heart.

It's just nice, guys. It's nice.

DANNY'S SONG

by Loggins and Messina

People smile and tell me I'm the lucky one

And we've just begun

Think I'm gonna have a son

He will be like she and me, as free as a dove

Conceived in love

Sun is gonna shine above

And even though we ain't got money

I'm so in love with you honey

And everything will bring a chain of love

And in the mornin' when I rise

Bring a tear of joy to my eyes

And tell me everything is gonna be alright

Seems as though a month ago I was Beta Chi

Never got high

Oh, was a sorry guy

And now I smile and face the girl that shares my name, yeah

Now I'm through with the game

This boy'll never be the same

And even though we ain't got money

I'm so in love with you honey

And everything will bring a chain of love

And in the mornin' when I rise

Bring a tear of joy to my eyes

And tell me everything is gonna be all right

Pisces Virgo rising is a very good sign

Strong and kind

And the little boy is mine

Now I see a family where there once was none

Now we've just begun

Yeah we're gonna fly to the sun

And even though we ain't got money

I'm so in love with you honey

And everything will bring a chain of love

And in the mornin' when I rise

You bring a tear of joy to my eyes

And tell me everything is gonna be all right

Love the girl who holds the world in a paper cup

Drink it up

Love her and she'll bring you luck

And if you find she helps your mind

Buddy, take her home

Yeah, don't you live alone

Try to earn what lovers own

And even though we ain't got money

I'm so in love with you honey

And everything will bring a chain of love

And in the mornin' when I rise

You bring a tear of joy to my eyes

And tell me everything is gonna be alright

CC.

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Learning! Roundup: The Good Side of Gossiping, Feeling Pain, Feminist Protection, Belief Superiority, and More!

Photo by Dario Valenzuela.

Gossiping for the Good of the Community

I am not going to lie: I love gossip. Not in the 'spreading lies about others' sense (which I wouldn't even define as gossip, that's just lying), or in the 'telling secrets that I said I would keep to myself' sense (if you tell me to keep something private, it is in the vault), but in the 'let's talk about what's happening in other people's lives' way. I want to know what is up! Turns out, when I do that, it's actually good for us: it builds community and helps us improve ourselves.

It Will Hurt

Warning someone that pain is imminent actually makes their experience of the pain even worse. So I guess we should go back to saying, "you won't feel a thing"?

Feminist Protection

A new study shows that women who strongly identify as feminists may be less likely to fall into more stereotypical behaviour. The study authors assume this resistance is subconscious, but I would argue that it's probably largely conscious; I know I specifically try to avoid fulfilling stereotypes when I can.

Artist Incomes

This is the most thorough study I have seen to date on the financial security of visual artists, and how it relates to their life satisfaction and other factors.

Belief Superiority

There are people out there who aren't just confident that their beliefs are correct, but who think their beliefs are superior to everyone else's. In a move that will make the rest of us feel superior, it looks like people who think their opinions are better than everyone else's have the largest gap between their perceived knowledge and actual knowlege.

Lowered Voices

As someone who always has at least one pregnant friend at a time, I can tell you that pregnant women go through a looooot of physical changes. Here's a new one: after giving birth, their voices lower.

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Ungendered Sleeping Pads and Boys Joining Girl Scouts, Could This Be a Path to a Genderless Society?

Photo by Patrick Hendry.

Last night I did some research about sleeping pads to take backpacking, and it turns out that there is a lot to consider. Not only do you have to account for their weight and how small they pack down, but different lengths, widths, thicknesses, and warmth ratings, not to mention their cost.

I also, apparently, need to consider whether I want a women's sleeping pad or a unisex sleeping pad. Since the women's ones aren't pink or outfitted them with tampon holders, but tend to be around the same size, the only logic I can think of is that the manufacturers think that women are all the same size and so we will all be served by this one particular model.

It's an obvious example of unnecessarily gendered products since they could just have the different size options and let everyone pick the size that works best for them because women and men are both a lot of different sizes and so why on earth would you narrow the market by creating an arbitrary gender restriction?

I have written in the past about imagining a world where the concept of gender just doesn't even exist. I am not convinced it would solve all our problems (people will still need to categorize other people somehow, and so maybe we just learn to stop being jerks about the categories we create instead of eliminating them and then inevitably creating some new category to be jerks about). This article about the stifling nature of masculinity and boy scouts being open to girls but girl scouts not opening to boys made me think about the possibility again:

If it’s difficult to imagine a boy aspiring to the Girl Scouts’ merit badges (oriented far more than the boys’ toward friendship, caretaking, and community), what does that say about how American culture regards these traditionally feminine arenas? And what does it say to boys who think joining the Girl Scouts sounds fun? Even preschool-age boys know they’d be teased or shamed for disclosing such a dream....

...I thought about the amazing one-step process for getting a bikini body I read recently: “Put a bikini on your body.” It’s not perfect and this is a lot to ask of society, but perhaps an analogous definition for masculinity is that when a man or boy does something, that’s masculine. Chugging a beer is masculine. Wearing a dress is masculine. Being brave is masculine. Crying is masculine. Playing sports is masculine. Not playing sports is masculine. Comforting a friend whose team lost before celebrating with his team is masculine. Anything and everything is masculine. You might argue that broadening the definition of the word to this degree diminishes its power to denote anything meaningful. And you’d be right, that’s the point.

This is the kind of genderless world I can fathom: we, as faulty humans full of cognitive biases, may always categorize people based on whether we perceive them to be masculine or feminine, but those words don't have to mean very much in terms of what we expect from those people.

In the meantime, I need to pick a sleeping mat.

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Book Club: The Immortalists by Chloe Benjamin

Hey, pals! It's been a while since I shared a book club post! Sorry, it's not that I haven't been reading, I've just, well, not been writing about it.

I just finished reading The Immortalists by Chloe Benjamin, however, and it needed to be shared. This book is so beautiful and sad, when I finished reading it I didn't quite know what to do with myself. It begins with four siblings in New York. They see a fortune teller and find out what days they are going to die. As you can imagine, some of their dates are closer than others.

It's a tragic and stunning exploration of the relationship between fate and free choice.

Here are the quotes I highlighted while reading:

"What she really wanted was not to live forever, but to stop worrying."

(Imagine that. To stop worrying. A gift far greater than immortality. In fact, immortality combined with a propensity to worry sounds just the worst.)

"They began together: before any of them were people they were eggs, four out of their mother's millions. Astonishing, that they could diverge so dramatically in their temperaments, their fatal flaws--like strangers caught for seconds in the same elevator."

(Have you ever thought about siblings in this way? I haven't. The wonder of these particular eggs combining with other particular sperm, all coming from the same two people and yet creating such different people; the chance of being an egg, squished up next to a million other eggs, but a few of them become your siblings.)

"Tonight she stood behind the curtain with her hands clasped. On the other side, she could hear the audience whispering and fidgeting and rustling their cheap printed programs in anticipation. 'I love you all,' she whispered. 'I love you all, I love you all, I love you all.'"

(If I were still a performer, I would adopt this as a preshow ritual. As I am not, I am going to consider where in my life it might create unity, joy, love, and community to remind myself of this. Perhaps before writing. Or going to a difficult meeting.)

"'Don't apologize,' Gertie says, reaching out to swat Varya's arm. 'Be different.'"

(Oof. That's a biggie.)

"Most adults claim not to believe in magic, but Klara knows better. Why else would anyone play at permanence--fall in love, have children, buy a house--in the face of all evidence of no such thing?"

(This one, too. Let's sit with it for a moment.)

"As long as you can transform, my friends, you cannot die."

(I don't agree, but I love the sentiment.)

"Thoughts have wings."

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Action Items: Things to Do to Help Fight Evil and Save the World

Action Items are notes from the "Let's Save the World" committee meetings in my head. A collection of some news items and articles that may fire up a desire for action, and then at least one suggested action item to follow up. It won't be comprehensive of every single thing in the world and all the ways to fix it, but it will be something, and something is better than nothing.

Some of the Things That Are Happening:

The family separation crisis is still happening. Here is a roundup of how Americans can help. Also, children were drugged without consent in at least one detention centre.

A janitor saved the belongings seized from migrants at the US border. The photographs are haunting.

Food insecurity is a big problem in the North, and that brings with it other problems: feminine hygiene product insecurity. The girls in Nunavut often can't afford pads or tampons and simply stay home or try to make do with a sock instead.

Canadians can find out if they were born near an operating residential school using this interactive map. I learned that the nearest residential school to my hometown closed the year I was born.

It turns out that James Comey has used his personal email account, hosted by Gmail, for FBI business. Hilary Clinton had the best response.

Possibly for the first time ever, Jordan Peterson has admitted he was wrong.

Charleston, South Carolina, the city where half the African slaves entered the United States, is set to apologize for its role in slavery.

Dr. Gregory H. Stanton has studied genocide and come up with a list of the 10 stages a society must go through in order to choose to exterminate a people group, as well as the countermeasures that can prevent the process from continuing.

Shakespeare's Globe Theatre made this incredible video to promote their production of the play The Strangers' Case, and it just happened to come out on World Refugee Day, and it just so happened to also coincide with Donald Trump's imprisonment of asylum seekers' children, and it also just so happened to feature refugee actors.

Action Item:

Read this article about the cowardice of white people and, if you are white, think about the times you have been a coward before you try to refute it with all the times you have not. (If you are not white, it might be useful to consider where you have fallen into the same traps of cowardice surrounding other issues.)

I'll start: my cowardice has mostly involved preserving a socially pleasant moment instead of challenging other people's racism or sexism or homophobia or whatever it may be. My natural inclination is towards peacemaking, and so I am pretty uncomfortable saying or doing things that will make people feel bad or create discord. Also, sometimes I am not sure if something is actually problematic, or if it just sounds like it might be, and I don't want to speak for people of colour so I say nothing.

I could argue that it sucks to "ruin the happy moment" for everyone, or I could recognize that it probably sucks more to be on the receiving end of those remarks. Also, I could put more effort into learning ways to point out problematic things without grinding every moment to a halt and making other people feel defensive. I know there are ways. Some people are very good at it.

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Inspiration! Roundup: Play Time, Collin van der Sluijs, Artists with Pockets, Moon Rotations, and More!

This Week's "I want to go to there": I spent the last weekend in nature reading books and dining with incredible people. I want to go back.
Photo by Taylor Leopold.

Play

Play is often talked about as if it were a relief from serious learning. But for children play is serious learning. Play is really the work of childhood.”
― Fred Rogers

Also, play may not be the "work of adulthood", but it's pretty dang vital. Let's play!

Collin van der Sluijs

Super in love with the artwork of Collin van der Sluijs.

A post shared by Collin van der Sluijs (@collinvandersluijs) on Apr 24, 2018 at 1:28pm PDT

Pockets

If you pay attention to the feminist corners of the internet at all, you've probably heard a lot about pockets. Bragging about a dress with pockets, anger that pants have fake pockets, and a general cry for pockets! Please give us pockets! This article on how artists (including ones who happen to be women) need pockets is a great addition to the discourse.

It also reminds me of my grandpa, a high school physics and math teacher, who only bought shirts with pockets so he could always carry a pen and paper in case he needed to work out a sudden math problem. I never thought about artists doing the same thing, but we should!

Moon Rotations

There is something quite entrancing about watching a full rotation of the moon.

The full rotation of the Moon as seen by NASA's Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter pic.twitter.com/xJiTeFXR2g
— World and Science (@WorldAndScience) June 18, 2018

In Harm's Way

My friend sent me this video after I posted about the supreme mental discord of knowing there are acts of pure evil happening right next door and still going on with life and eating ice cream because I feel like it.

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Focus Group: Let's Talk Intimidation

What are some things that intimidate you?

Photo by Leio McLaren.

Here's a funny thing: I decided to do a post about things that intimidate people, and then I sat here for several minutes, poised at my keyboard, too nervous to start typing. Apparently, I am intimidated by writing about intimidation. This is especially silly because most of the work is already done by other people: I asked The Receptionist Focus Group to share five things that intimidate them. But I should probably start with myself.

Five things that intimidate me:

Discussing a topic with someone who I disagree with, but I haven't already spent time thinking through all the arguments around my opinion and they are better at arguing and putting together a point. I usually just end up getting confused and feeling dumb.

Telling anyone my vision/dreams/big ideas. Especially when I am telling them because I would like their input or assistance in some way.

Inserting myself into a conversation.

The future. It's so long!

People who are more educated than I am. It's dumb because education isn't the marker of anything except how long you've been in school, but thanks to dating a guy with a PhD, I am now friends with a lot of people who have Master's or PhD's, and... it intimidates me.

Five Things that Intimidate Kaitlin:

Taking my driving test to get rid of my N - I've had my N since I was 17 and have been too nervous to do the test all these years. oh my goodness, very embarrassing.

Learning a new language

Anything to do with math or numbers (or money)

Making a phone call to a casting director to ask about a play... Currently writing this email to avoid that call.

People who have a deep grasp on theology and can articulate themselves with intelligence and clarity.

Five Things That Intimidate Alison:

Pretty much anyone with a STEM career.

People I admire.

People who love comedy but dislike silliness.

Most recipes.

The Deep Ocean.

Five Things That Intimidate Chloe:

The prospect of political discussions with a new person.

Negotiating fees/rates for freelance work (and full-time jobs!).

The vast number of possible routes my life and career could take.

Co-ed gyms. I've never been to an all-female gym, but I imagine I might be more comfortable asking a fellow lady how to use the weight machines. Sweaty gym bros tend to work out in packs, which I find difficult to approach. (There's never a break in the action because they're basically all just taking turns...and who wants to be stared down by four dudes, much less play into the stereotype of the girl who doesn't know how shit works!? But until I can muster up the courage to interrupt, I will be relegated to the easy-to-use cardio machines.)

Five Things That Intimidate Eli:

Public speaking in front of "experts" is the most intimidating thing for me. I'm a PhD student and I teach at universities part-time so I have to give a lot of presentations to people that know more than me. It makes me feel so flustered and sick to my stomach that sometimes I can't even understand the questions they are trying to ask me. It's interesting to me how different I am in front of people that aren't "scary" to me - it's a lot more of an interactive learning process for both of us. But with my supervisor/boss/famous scholars from the field - I just hate it!

I live in a country where the dominant language isn't my first language, so writing emails or participating in teaching team meetings are also very intimidating for me. I want to show a professional identity to my colleagues but I think I should like a confused kid when I open my mouth. My emails also aren't very professional and take me forever to write since I check online to see if I am using the correct phrasing etc. for a formal situation.

I have a hard time sharing things creative things I've made - like poetry, photography, etc. I think I totally lack artistic talent but I have always been attracted to the arts. I want to participate somehow but everything I made is so blah. Sometimes I make something and show one or two people - only people I know will say something nice, no matter what.

(Christian) Church has become a place of intimidation for me. The rules, the judginess. The appearance of sameness in (most) people's lives. I feel there are very strong expectations about how you should live your life and interact with other people. Blah blah blah. I also strongly disagree with the gendered expectations in churches. When I used to attend, I would often feel so exhausted and tense by the end. I tried to attend a church a few months ago but it was really the same thing - rules and lectures. I can't be myself in those environments.

Five Things That Intimidate Lois:

Initiating conversation or reaching out to people who I perceive to be in positions of power.

Initiating conversations that I fear will have tense or “bad” outcomes, especially in terms of my romantic relationships.

Public Speaking.

Figuring out the first step to starting a project I don’t want to do. Like my taxes.

Things That Intimidate Lisa:

Nothing.

(Guys, I have a friend who is not intimidated by anything, which is a little intimidating. Apparently, thorough confidence is intimidating to me.)

Here's what I noticed from reading these lists:

We are all intimidated in some way by people we perceive, somehow, to be above us. Do you think it's possible to just stop seeing other people as greater than we are?

I can look at someone else's list and think, "oh, that's silly, you don't need to be intimidated by that. Let me explain how you are totally fine in that situation." So maybe I should start looking at my own list as if I were someone else?

There are a lot of "me too!" moments when talking to other people about insecurities. It's almost as if there are some common elements to the human experience.

Once I got going, it was kind of hard to stop at five. Everywhere I look I see a reminder of something else that intimidates me.

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Cute! Roundup: Blissful Baths, Impostor Dogs, Excite-O-Meters, and Feline Soul Melding!

We re-arranged the balcony so it's harder for Gertie to jump up onto the railing, and have started letting her back out there. So far, so good.

A roundup of all things cute on the internet this week!

OTHER CUTENESS:

This looks like the most blissful bath I have ever seen.

I want this to happen in my life so badly!!!

Going for a walk in the rain.

Baby-sized siblings are the darned cutest.

The excite-o-meter is off the charts!

I believe this is some kind of soul-melding ritual.

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Singalong! Folding Chair by Regina Spektor

I was just listening to this song and the lyric "I've got a perfect body because my eyelashes catch the sweat, yes they do!" caught my ear and made me grin like a weirdo. It's just so DELIGHTFUL! That and her hilariously whimsical porpoise-like "ooo ooo ooo"s.

FOLDING CHAIR

by Regina Spektor

Come and open up your folding chair next to me

My feet are buried in the sand, and there's a breeze

There's a shadow, you can't see my eyes

And the sea is just a wetter version of the skies

Let's get a silver-bullet trailer

And have a baby boy

I'll safety-pin his clothes all cool

And you'll graffiti up his toys

I got a perfect body

But sometimes I forget

I got a perfect body

'Cause my eyelashes catch my sweat

Yes, they do, they do

Now I've been sitting on this abandoned beach for years

Waiting for the salty water to cover up my ears

But every time the tide come in to take me home

I get scared and I'm sitting here alone

Dreaming of the dolphin song

Maybe one day you will understand

I don't want nothing from you

But to sweetly hold your hand

'Til that day just please don't be so down

Don't make frowns

You silly clown

Just come and open up your folding chair next to me

My feet are buried in the sand, and there's a breeze

There's a shadow, you can't see my eyes

And the sea is just a wetter version of the skies

There's a shadow you can't see my eyes

Giphy

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Learning! Roundup: Resistance Tipping Points, Depression and Brain Age, Welfare, Sourness, and More!

Photo by Tim Gouw.

A Small Group of Concerned Citizens

If you're going to form a resistance and change your community, how many people do you need to have on your side? According to new research, 25% is the tipping point that allows people to make a revolution that sticks.

Depression and the Brain

Bad news for all of us who have depression and anxiety: our brains are ageing faster and we will experience more cognitive decline in old age than our non-anxious/depressed counterparts. I am hopeful that the effects are muted by treatment of the depression and anxiety, but this article didn't go into that possibility.

Race and Welfare

A new study has found that when white people feel threatened, or see the gap between the incomes of white folk and people of colour shrink, they are more likely to oppose welfare programs. Even if they are poor.

Abortion and Depression

There are a lot of things that may influence a woman's decision whether or not to have an abortion. Mental health shouldn't be one of them: another, very large, study has come out saying that there is no relationship between abortion and depression in women.

Sour Risks

This is kind of fun: tasting sour flavours appear to increase a person's risky behaviour.

Dads Are Getting Involved

Today's dads are more present and loving in their children's lives, seeing their role as more active and involved than ever before. Researchers found a correlation between the more negative elements of traditional masculinity and detached fathers.

Fish Conformity

Did you know that fish have personalities? Not only that, but the more sociable ones will change their personality when they are around others to conform to the situation. This has lead researchers to realize that studying fish (and perhaps other animals) behaviour in solo creatures may not give an accurate picture of what they do.

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Focus Group: One More Insecurity

Photo by Nik MacMillan.

A couple of weeks ago I shared a Focus Group session where I asked a few people to share about an insecurity that they used to experience that has improved over time. A little bit delayed, I got this response from another participant, Kathy. I thought it deserved to stand all on its own, in her own words:

"I used to be insecure about the fact that I'm Asian. Growing up in a predominantly white community in California before the influx of a lot of Asians/Asian Americans into the South Bay Area, I did not have much of an understanding of what it meant that I was Asian American--that I was different, even though I was born and raised in the same place my white peers were. None of us did--and so these differences led to subtle and overt acts of racism against the non-white kids. The more "white" you acted and the more you hid your cultural Asianness, the more likely you were to be accepted by the dominant peer groups.

Making Asian American friends--in high school and especially going to UC Berkeley where there were not only many Asians but a diversity of expressions of what it meant to be Asian American--helped me to begin embracing my Asianness in a way I don't even think I very consciously recognized. I at least took it for granted. I began to not only shed my insecurities around being Asian American, but began to actually embrace and appreciate the cultural strengths of the Asian American experience.

Interestingly, over the last decade of living in Vancouver, my insecurities have returned to some extent. In the last few years, I have been able to recognize and name the racism that exists in Vancouver towards Asians. When my worshipping community moved to the Japanese Language School, I started to discover the multifaceted history of racism against various Asian Canadian groups that is very particular to Vancouver in that it dates back to the inception of the city as a colonial hub.

Since immigrants still represent a significant percentage of Asians in Vancouver and in that they are largely from concentrated regions, namely mainland China and Hong Kong, a particular flavour of racism has continued to evolve in Vancouver. The history of this racism is of organized groups like the Vancouver Asiatic Exclusion League who perpetrated overt acts of violence on mainly the Chinese in the 1880's and then again in the early 1900's. It is of legislated racism first taxing Chinese immigrants to Canada and then barring them from immigrating for over 40 years. It is of stripping Japanese communities of their homes and businesses in the 1940's and selling the properties to fund interning Japanese Canadians in prison camps.

Apparently racism against Asians in Vancouver is not simply a recent phenomenon in response to a misplaced scapegoating of the Chinese for causing housing unaffordability.

My own insecurities around being Asian in this city only make me wonder how intensely Indigenous folks must feel here and all over the world. But it nonetheless is also in particular about my being Asian itself. I am trying to combat my own insecurities around these realities, but it is more difficult this time given there is not Asian representation in this city that I personally relate to. I'm sure more could be said, but I'll leave it there."

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Let's Try This: Taking Micro-Vacations to Keep Up With Life

Photo by Eutah Mizushima.

One of the main things I've learned in my adulthood is that it seems to be impossible to get all the things done. Adult life is meant to be comprised of so many things: a full-time job, keep a home in reasonably clean and maintained condition, grocery shop, see family, see friends, see your partner (or go on dates with potential partners), exercise, making a doctor's appointment for that thing that keeps bugging you, haircuts, drinking enough water, having a hobby, and getting to inbox zero. I mean, just having a job and keeping up with the dishes can feel impossible, and I didn't even mention the side-hustles nor the extra work if you have a child who depends on you to stay alive.

This is why I have vowed that if I ever become rich, one of the first indulgences I will spend money on is a life assistant. I am so excited about the imaginary life where I can afford to offload all the errand-running, appointment-making, cleaning, and other life management. It is/will be amazing.

In the meantime, here is an awesome idea: take micro-vacations to get some of that life stuff done.

Whether it's taking a day (or even a half-day) off work every month to catch up on appointments or a number of extended lunches to see friends, this could be a great way to take some time to feel like we've got life under our feet.

Of course, what this advice assumes is that you have one job that offers vacation days, instead of cobbled-together contracts where time free from one job is just time to work on another. In that situation, is it possible to just schedule 4 hours a week of non-work work? I know, I know, it's not quite the same. Sorry.

Also, can we just pause for a moment and recognize that there is something bananas going on when people have to take VACATION DAYS to keep up with life?

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Inspiration! Roundup: A Wish for My Love, Holiness, Little Mountains, Lorna Simpson, and More!

Inspiration! Roundup: Let my love be pure (Steven Charleston), Scott the Painter, hair as identity, and more!

This Week's "I want to go to there": A place where we all just stop being mean.
Photo by Ashley Whitlatch.

A Wish for My Love

"Let my love be as pure as it can be, given without expectation, offered without condition, shared as widely as possible, as deeply as possible, in the form and shape it should take, to embrace children, to respect elders, to welcome the stranger, to be faithful to friends, to treasure the ones I hold most precious, so that I may be a source of strength, a trust unbroken, a spiritual companion, a healer conscious of the need that surrounds me, until love becomes my own heart, beating in time with the Spirit, breathing the pure air of a distant but ever present promise."
—Steven Charleston

Holier

A post shared by Scott Erickson (@scottthepainter) on May 7, 2018 at 5:23pm PDT

Tiny Mountains

Silent Dinners

I am intrigued and a bit terrified by the idea of a silent dinner. A three course meal where you eat, with companions, where you are requested to not use words/your voice, write things down, use technology, or make noise for at least two hours. In their words, "silence leaves us indefensible."

Lorna Simpson Collage

I swooned over Lorna Simpson's collages. Powerful images of hair and identity.

A post shared by @lornasimpson on Feb 24, 2018 at 8:51am PST

Heaven

“The connections we make in the course of a life–maybe that’s what heaven is.”
― Fred Rogers

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Action Items: Things To Do To Help Fight Evil and Save the World

Some of the Things That Are Happening:

CHILDREN ARE BEING SEPARATED FROM THEIR PARENTS AT THE BORDER AND HELD IN DETENTION CENTRES. (aka Concentration Camps or Prisons)

Last week we learned that Einstein, outspoken humanitarian and genius, was also super xenophobic against Chinese people. Remember this next time you blame someone's prejudice on low intelligence.

Did you know that the women who play in the New York Philharmonic aren't allowed to wear pants??? Seriously. They are considering (considering!) changing this rule.

ALSO, did you know that police in New York can give away "Patromen's Benevolent Association" cards that basically say, "I'm the kid/niece/nephew/friend of a cop, so don't give me trouble for minor infractions"??? It seems painfully obvious that these shouldn't exist at all, but at least they are reducing the number given out each year. Which, naturally, the cops are upset about.

Apparently, #takedownmilliebobbybrown has been a popular hashtag amongst a certain faction of the internet for a while. They take photos, video, and tweets from her and edit them to make sure say or support racist, sexist, and otherwise horrible things. Why? Because it's funny to troll a very nice 14-year-old girl for being so nice? Thanks to this, she's left Twitter. PEOPLE.

A Canadian man was held for 8 months at the border because officials decided his immigration papers were faked.

Humanitarian UN workers have been found trading food for sex with people in countries they are meant to be helping.

Chimimanda Ngozi Adichie is amazing and smart and wonderful and here she is talking about sexism and how we won't get anywhere until men get fully on board.

In possibly the most eye-popping invocation of MLK by white people yet, Bannon claims the King would be proud of Trump and his policies.

Kinder Morgan Pipeline Updates: pipeline spills are generally on the rise in Canada, despite claims of "world class safety", Kinder Morgan has ADMITTED they did not comply with the Fisheries Act in the construction of the pipeline thus far, there is evidence of cherry-picking data to hide the cost of the Atlantic pipeline, and a new study shows that the Asian market is not interested in Alberta bitumen.

Action Items:

Send the New York Philharmonic a note to let them know that women can still look classy, play instruments, AND WEAR PANTS. Here is their Facebook. Here is their customer service email address.

If you are American: FIGHT against the separation of families at the US border! DONATE to the ACLU, Kids Need Defense, or another organization fighting against this policy and helping those caught up in it. VOLUNTEER for those very same organizations. WRITE your freaking representative. DO NOT STAND BY.

If you are Canadian: look at what we have done, and continue to do, to Aboriginal families. WRITE and CALL your representatives to let them know you support the Spirit Bear Plan to help keep families together and protect children. DONATE to the Spirit Bear Plan or other Indigenous family services.

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I Want to Start Treating My Creative Goals Like Fitness Goals

Photo by Poodar Chu.

I recently read two things that have really given me pause on how I might approach self-improvement in my creative and professional work.

First up, a 99U article about Joshua Foer's research on expertise and the "OK Plateau":

We hit what Foer calls the “OK Plateau,” where we have gained sufficient skills for our needs; at which point, we stop pushing ourselves. But experts – those who excel beyond all others in their fields – do it differently.

Foer identified four principles that he saw the experts using to remain alert and to keep learning:

1. Experts tend to operate outside their comfort zone and study themselves failing.
2. Experts will try to walk in the shoes of someone who’s more competent than them.
3. Experts crave and thrive on immediate and constant feedback.
4. Experts treat what they do like a science. They collect data, they analyze data, they create theories, and they test them.

The article identifies a few outliers who are able to do this for themselves, holding themselves accountable for their training, analyzing their work and that of others, and constantly pushing themselves to improve, but really, for most of us, this is crazy hard. Not only is it hard to be honest with yourself about your mistakes and hold yourself accountable, but depending on what kind of work you do it might be impossible to monitor your work anyways. You are in the thick of it and can't even begin to see the forest through the trees. How are you supposed to see what you're doing or how you're doing it?

This is where Foer recommends bringing in a coach, using the example of a surgeon who had someone watch them work and provide feedback on how they could be better. If top athletes still need coaches, after all, then why not the rest of us?

Okay, pause there for a second. Now let's consider this tweet from Jocelyn K. Glei (pssst, I just realized that she also wrote the OK Plateau article, so this combo is no coincidence):

What if people bragged about their creative workouts like they did their gym workouts?

I just committed to writing 3 hrs a day, 5 days a week through the end of July. Today's reps are complete. 🖋️💪
— Jocelyn K. Glei (@jkglei) May 17, 2018

My first thought when reading this tweet was to be suuuuper jealous that she has the kind of life where she can commit three hours a day to writing. How awesome! I want that life! Then I started thinking of ways I could do this (or at least something similar) in my own life.

Then I started pondering the connections between this tweet and the article.

Both tie in athletic excellence to other forms of excellence. Both beg some questions: why is it so much easier and more natural to get a personal trainer than a mentor? Why do we fully accept work out regimens but struggle to put together or share our creative regimens? Why is it completely normal to share fitness progress but not creative or professional progress? Not just the big milestones, but the little improvements along the way?

In athletic training, you set a goal, you make a plan to achieve that goal, and you use whatever outside help is available to you. It is commonly accepted that, if you are serious about a physical goal, you will hire a coach or trainer, take classes, repeat the same exercises over and over until they are rote, and sacrifice other activities to get there. You will push beyond just being able to do a thing until you have mastered it, and then move on to the next element.

So how can we incorporate that philosophy into whatever other work we want to do? Maybe not to that extreme - we don't all need to become experts at everything - but to whatever our end goal is. And even if we aren't sure yet what exactly that goal might be, we can still start to move in the general direction, just like you can start trying to get in better shape even if you don't have a firm notion of what you are aiming for in the long run. A lot can be worked out once you start moving.

So what would your creative or professional regimen be? Can you find a coach to help you get there?

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Cute! Roundup: Pomeranian Confidence, Dog Currency, Memory Fur Pillows, and More!

Sometimes Gertie gets that thousand-mile stare, and you can't help but wonder if she just found out that her only child is demanding emancipation and her inheritance, all at once.

Cute! Roundup: Every Monday these are the cutest things on the internet.

OTHER CUTENESS:

May we all walk through the difficulties of life with the confidence of this Pomeranian.

This dog is gaining an understanding of currency.

Memory fur pillows.

She's got your back.

All these cows are looking for boops.

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Singalong! Killing in the Name Of by Rage Against the Machine (covered by Brass Against the Machine)

This does seem like a good time for us to rage against some machines, and how better to be inspired to do so than through this AMAZING cover of Killing in the Name Of, covered by Brass Against the Machine. Ooooooh man, you guys. I am SO ready to RAGE with a strangely joyful empowerment.

KILLING IN THE NAME OF

by Rage Against the Machine (covered by Brass Against the Machine)

Killing in the name of

Some of those that work forces, are the same that burn crosses

Huh!

Killing in the name of

And now you do what they told ya

But now you do what they told ya

Well now you do what they told ya

Those who died are justified, for wearing the badge, they're the chosen whites

You justify those that died by wearing the badge, they're the chosen whites

Those who died are justified, for wearing the badge, they're the chosen whites

You justify those that died by wearing the badge, they're the chosen whites

Some of those that work forces, are the same that burn crosses

Uggh!

Killing in the name of

And now you do what they told ya

And now you do what they told ya, now you're under control

And now you do what they told ya!

Those who died are justified, for wearing the badge, they're the chosen whites

You justify those that died by wearing the badge, they're the chosen whites

Those who died are justified, for wearing the badge, they're the chosen whites

You justify those that died by wearing the badge, they're the chosen whites

Come on!

Yeah! Come on!

Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me

Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me!

Motherfucker!

Uggh!

Source: Giphy

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Are You Swimming or Floating?

Photo by Steve Harvey.

Does anyone else go back and forth between feeling completely motivated with a clear vision and the energy to realize it, like you are power-swimming in a current of awesomeness, and feeling like you are floating aimlessly in thick, murky water, with nary a star in the sky nor a current to guide you? It's not sinking, it's not drowning. It's just... floating.

This has been my last few months. The best I can do so far is capitalize on the times that feel clear and directed, and then do what I can when I feel like I have no idea what to do or where to go. During the murky times, when I think of it, I try to remind myself of my values and vision to get myself back on track. Sometimes it works.

What about you? How do you motivate yourself when you feel like you're just floating along?

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Learning! Roundup: Debunking the Marshmallow Test, Rejection and School Shootings, Time Pressure Reduces Productivity, and More!

Photo by Ruffa Jane Reyes.

The Marshmallow Test Debunked

It turns out that the famous marshmallow test - a test of delayed gratification where kids are given one marshmallow and told that if they wait 15 minutes to eat it, they will get a second one, but if they eat it, they won't get anymore - isn't really testing self-control. It's testing for wealth.

School Shootings Aren't All About Rejection

After most school shootings (it's still weird to me to talk about school shootings as a thing so regularly occurring that you can use a word like 'most' in association with them, by the way), people look at the peer rejection and/or isolation of the shooter to explain why they may have done what they did. The problem with this is that about 25% of kids experience peer rejection across the globe, and yet less than that number pick up a gun, and this mostly just happens in the United States. So there are other factors at play.

Time Pressure and Productivity

You might think that having an appointment in an hour would help you focus in and make the most of the time you do have to get work done, but according to recent research, free time seems shorter when there is an appointment on the other end of it. Even when we could earn more money by doing a little more work, we don't perceive ourselves as having the time that we objectively have.

Real Apologies

It's always good to remember the steps in a real apology. There are three: acknowledge that you hurt someone, say you are sorry, tell them how you will make it right/not do it again. Excusing your behaviour is not part of the steps.

Can You Shape Your Children?

Should parents be trying to shape their children into a particular kind of adult or to keep them safe and alive and see what happens? According to one scientist, it's the latter.

Decoy Sanitation

The 'decoy effect' in psychology refers to the fact that a pre-existing option will seem more desirable when compared with a decoy option that is less-convenient or favourable. This was recently tested with employees in food services, and they did find that they could increase use of hand sanitizer simply by putting a second, harder-to-use hand sanitizer option next to the one that already existed.

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Action Items: Things to Do to Help Fight Evil and Save the World

Some of the Things That Are Happening:

Looks like LGBTQ+ representation in films is going down, with numbers dropping below those of 2012.

There has been a wonderful conversation going on at HowlRound about decolonizing theatre, and it's worth a read whether or not you are a theatre artist. This piece on what it even means to decolonize the creative process is a great start.

This is a fantastic piece about whiteness and how it continues to center itself. (And by "it" and "itself" I mean the I/we of me and my fellow white folk who center whiteness above other elements of identity.)

This Twitter thread from Josie Duffy Rice outlines a major problem that has occurred on the left: sharing outrage stories without actually looking into their background, which means we are sometimes getting outraged about things that didn't actually happen (or at least not the way we are presenting them). It's sloppy at best, and dangerous to those we should protect at worst.

A teenage hockey team in Canada was bullied for being First Nations, called savages and subjected to "Indian cries", and the refs did nothing about it.

A self-described pedophile who called Hitler a "white-supremacist hero" is running for office in the States. Honestly, at first, I was ready to give him a chance to be one of those people who suffers from attraction to children but doesn't act on it - a complex issue that I think needs more support in our society to prevent them acting on it - but it turns out he is the dangerous creature you hope that those men don't stumble across. BAD NEWS.

Bill Clinton doesn't see his affair with Monica Lewinsky any differently in light of #MeToo. I mean, I guess he's never had to.

In the fall, the ban on women drivers in Saudi Arabia was officially lifted, and this month it went into effect. Here is a feature on 10 women who got licences for the first time.

Action Item:

Look at the media you read, watch, or listen to. How much of it was created by people who are different from you? Whether that difference is based on sex, race, ability, ideology, or something else, take some time to reflect on the stories and art you surround yourself with and try to find some new perspectives. It will likely make your entertainment a lot more interesting, if nothing else, because variety is interesting. (Psssst - if you are white, do make sure you specifically look for some racial diversity in your media. Don't use other forms of diversity as a cop out. It's important.)

Not sure where to start? You can seriously just do a search for podcasts/TV shows/books by _____. I can almost guarantee someone has made a listicle.

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Inspiration! Roundup: Being Bored, Giants Among Us, Forgiveness, and More!

This Week's "I want to go to there": Let's get some good news coming our way!
Photo by Jon Tyson.

Being Bored

I quite enjoyed this piece on the value of being bored - something that I have known for a long time, but still struggle with.

"In 2018, it is easy and common to be tired, depressed, burnt out, dulled, vibrating with mundane panic, desperate for the sweet release of death, etc. But to be peacefully understimulated with no relief in sight is almost impossible."

Giants Among Us

What's not to love about Guillaume Chiron's collages of giant people?

A post shared by Guillaume Chiron (@guillaumeguillaumechiron) on Jan 8, 2018 at 9:17am PST

Have a Little Faith

This series of videos, called Have a Little Faith, are amazing! Love this one on forgiveness.

"I really believe that when someone does us harm we are connected to that mistreatment like a chain... Maybe retaliation or holding onto the anger about the harm done to me doesn't really combat evil. Maybe it feeds it... So what if forgiveness, rather than being a pansy way of saying 'it's all okay' is actually a way of wielding bolt cutters and snapping the chain that links us."
-Nadia Bolz-Weber

The Designers

I love the use of space in this short film by Rohan McDonald - visual space and auditory space.

(via The Curious Brain.)

Cats in Bars

Arna Miller has designed a series of matchboxes featuring cats living it up in a bar. It's hilarious. (And no, they aren't just knocking glasses on the ground.)

A post shared by Arna Miller (@arnamiller) on May 30, 2018 at 1:50pm PDT

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