Happy Birthday Queen Vikki!

Today is Queen Victoria's birthday!  To commemorate this special occasion, I have unearthed a rare transcription of the exact dialogue that occurred between Queen Vikki and her mom, Princess Vikki after she became a queen.

Queen: Hey Mom!  I'm totally Queen now!

Princess: Congratulations sweetheart.  I'm totally not upset or jealous about this at all, that the name Queen Victoria will forever be in your honour and no one will even remember who I am, evidenced by the fact that in 100-some years when a girl writes a blog post about you on the internet she will have to look up my name and I will only be a footnote on your Wikipedia page.  That is so awesome.  I am totally okay with this situation and totally know what the internet, blogs, wikipedia, and girls who write for fun are.

Queen: Thanks Mom, you're the best!  Well, I guess I'll be moving out now.

Princess: No you won't.

Queen: But I'm the QUEEN now!  It will be so embarrassing to be a queen living in my Mom's house!  What will all the other queens think?

Princess: They'll think that this sad little girl shouldn't be queen yet and that we are totally sexist (even though we let women run the freaking country) because an unmarried queen can't live on her own.

Queen: But MO-OOOM!  That's not fair!

Princess: Too bad.  I may only be a princess but I'm still your Mom and I will cling to power in any way I can, including reinforcing oppression against women even though I am one.

Queen: But you're totally just making up for your own insecurities by being a tyrant in the only way you can!

Princess: That's exactly what I just said.

Queen: But you CAN'T!  I'm the freaking QUEEN!  Doesn't that mean ANYTHING???

Princess: Nope.  I'm totally vindictive.  What are you surprised by this?  I already have been raising you to be totally dependent on me and to not have relationships with anyone except for me, my creepy lover-man who is probably your biological father, and your tutor who I totally control.  You never did realize that it's not normal to always have someone with you when you go to the bathroom, did you?  Of course not because I never let you meet anyone else.

Queen: WHAT?  Then how did I know that as a queen I should move out of your house?

Princess: I don't know dear, I think your tutor must have let it slip.  You know I am actually writing a book based on my child-rearing method.  I think it will be very popular among tyrants.  I have even named it!

Queen: Wait a minute... You're always talking about The Kensington System - is THAT what that is?

Princess: But of course.  I knew you would be queen one day instead of me, so I had to ruin your life somehow, sweetpea.

Queen: (Whiney unintelligible sounds.)

*long awkward pause*

Queen: Well, if I'm QUEEN then at least I can move out of your bedroom right?

Princess: No.

Queen: YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN YES I CAN

Princess: FINE!  You can have your own room, just SHUT UP!

Queen: And your gross pseudo-lover is NOT allowed in my room anymore - and the fact that I am recorded as requesting this by history may or may not imply really really creepy things.

Princess: Ummm... Conroy went to your room?  Yeah, that's not happening anymore.  I may have to injure his man-parts now.

Queen: Then I will use this weakening in your placid exterior to also demand you give me ONE HOUR of free time every single day, during which time I will probably go to the bathroom by myself and whine about you.

Princess: IMPOSSIBLE!

Queen: I am getting ready to shout things over and over again.

Princess: Crap, that was really annoying.  Okay, you get an hour of free time every single day.

Queen: Yay!  You're the best, mumsy!  I am so sheltered that I won't even think to ask for anything else. Now where is my nearest male relation so I can marry and move out?