What really goes on in accountant's training programs

When I first started here, it seemed as though everyone else in the office had some kind of Lord of Accounting that they had to appease. Said Lord of Accounting put invisible force fields around everyone's desks, preventing any prolonged eye contact, or conversation that didn't relate directly to clients and their financial issues. Leaving the immediate area of one's desk was also prohibited with a few exceptions: going to the washroom, going to the boss' office to give him something/ask a question, or going to the printer or photocopier.

Naturally, the Lord of Accounting is partially omniscient. It cannot read your thoughts, but it can read your intentions, and if they planned on leaving their desks to do anything besides these specific things, they found themselves temporarily immobilized and had thoughts such as "only heathens want to chat about their weekend", "to work is to find happiness", and the Sesame Street Spanish number song. If they wanted to actually leave the office they had to submit written requests along with a sacrifice, appropriate sacrifices being things like the last chapter ripped out of an interesting novel they're in the middle of reading (reading for fun? No, only crunching numbers will enlighten your soul) or the SIM card for their cell phone (why do you need a personal number? Life is work). Only then may they leave for a predetermined amount of time to, say, pick up some lunch from the nearest restaurant and bring it back to eat at their desks while working.

After being here for almost 2 months I can say that the Lord of Accounting is definitely real. The odd thing is that lately people have been taking partial lunch breaks. They still aren't gone for the entire hour they could be entitled to, but there must have been some serious appeasing going on lately, because people are taking off for up to 45 minutes! Of course, they're also staying until who knows what time in the evening, so maybe there's been some even trades happening.

I think the Lord of Accounting also forces them all to wear bland clothing.

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