Dudes, back off for a second here, you're not going to understand this. Unless you're a dude with long hair, although still probably not because I don't think dudes ever have the same relationship with their hair ladies have. Ladies with short hair, feel free to move on as well. Ladies (or dudes) with long, curly hair - YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! Oh, wait, I should probably tell you what I'm talking about first, shouldn't I?
It happened again tonight. The dastardly thing my hair does when it's been up in something resembling a "do" all day and then I take it out before getting ready for bed, and lo and behold, my hair looks amazing. Better than ever. All bouncy curls and major body and total beauteousness.
It's like my hair is taunting me. It's saying "I'm capable of looking really really really good - like good enough for a hair commercial and that's not bragging, it's just the truth - but I choose not to do so until you are home and by yourself and getting ready to go to bed so that you can torment yourself wondering if you maybe could go out again but that would be ridiculous because it's 11:29pm and by the time you met up with your friends (who you turned down on hanging out with in favour of a ride home and non-restaurant-priced food) it would be like midnight and they would be all 'why did you come all the way back here, we're all getting ready to go home!' and you'd be all '...because my hair looked really good?' and you'd feel like a fool for two whole reasons. The first being that everyone knows it's silly to go home and then go back out again just because your hair looks good, even if everyone secretly wants to do it. The second being that it's raining out and so your hair would totally be ruined by the time you got there. So now your stuck inside with amazing hair and NO ONE to see it, and you can't take pictures of it to post online either because only 15 year old girls who are insecure do that, and you don't want everyone to think you're an insecure 15 year old, do you? Do you??? HA! Take THAT!"
To make matters worse, this amazing looking hair that emerges when I take it out of an updo is not consistent. It's not like I can just put my hair up all day and then take it out before going out somewhere in the evening and know it will look good. No - because that would be too easy and my hair can't make things easy for me. Not when it is trying to ruin my life. Yeah, that's right, I said it, my life is ruined because my hair won't make me look like a hair commercial on command. It's not vain - you know you all think the same thing and are just too afraid to admit it out loud! Well I've SAID IT!
Okay so... I'm going to bed now. With amazing hair. Stay tuned for horrible morning hair and possible weeping that I will try to cover up as hysterical laughter, because somehow laughing hysterically all alone in my room is better than uncontrollable weeping.