Today at work I came up with the best idea for a screenplay EVER. It's based on the real-life (because all the best screenplays are based on real-life events) invention of a laser that targets and kills mosquitos but nothing else. Like a phaser set to "kill" but only for the only insect God let Satan create.
A coworker was telling me about this and how awesome it would be in his native Saskatchewan (aka: The Pointless Province - sorry, but it's true) because there are so many mosquitos there. Then I was all - that would make the best laser light show ever because it would just constantly be going and it would be like a civic installation art piece, while at the same time serving a vital function to the people! Sort of like a metaphor for all art, in the wake of all the arts cuts of Grand Canyon-sized idiocy happening in BC. Then Coworker was all "yeah, and then they would all die and feed the earth and out of the earth would come lions!" and then we sang The Circle of Life because we are awesome. Then, if you can believe it, the conversation became even better, because I am quite literally a storytelling genius. Here is a direct transcription of the rest of our conversation:
Me: OMG! The lions would totally be zombies!
Coworker: What?
Me: Of COURSE they would be zombies! Anything that claws its way out of the earth has to be a zombie.
Coworker: You are mistaken, my friend. Zombies have to be dead first.
Me: But they came from dead mosquitos.
Coworker: I'm listening.
Me: Dead mosquitos that were killed by lasers that PERMANENTLY ALTERED THEIR MOLECULAR STRUCTURE so that when they died and decomposed in large groups they morphed into zombie lions!
Coworker: You are a genius.
Me: I know - this will be the best zombie movie ever made.
Coworker: That is the most brilliant thing I've ever heard, I think I'm in love with you.
Me: I know. Everyone is. Maybe I'll let you co-write the screenplay with me.
Coworker: To even breath the same air as you is a gift.
Me: I know. I know.
Coworker: But seriously, it's actually a good idea.
Me: For reals.
PS: It's possible that everything between "they morphed into zombie lions" and "it's actually a good idea" was subtext. By that I mean, not actually said in words but crackling beneath the surface. The fact of the matter is that I get subtextual declarations of love constantly - way more often than the kinds of declarations that use actual words, which is okay because those ones are boring. If there's anything I've learned from acting it's that the subtext is always the best part of a scene and the actual text of what someone says is totally irrelevant. Seriously! You just have to pay attention - most anything someone says has a completely different subtext beneath it and it's probably "I'm in love with you" because that is (according to a really bad awesome acting teacher in my imagination) the most interesting choice of subtext you could insert into any scene. So next time you're talking to anybody about anything, just remember that there is subtext and that subtext is probably that they are in love with you.
For people who want to learn, grow, get inspired, and stay silly.
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