Has anyone else ever noticed that landlords are always sort of weird people? Like slightly off their rocker in some way or another? I don't know if it's that weird people choose to be landlords or that being a landlord makes you weird, but they really always are a bit bizarre. Take, for example, my current landlord: he never sleeps. Seriously. And he's not even a vampire! I know this because he is out in daylight all the time (and doesn't sparkle, if you buy that b.s.), his eyes never change colour, and has none of the otherworldly grace or charm all vampires get upon cheating death. So he's definitely not a vampire. I can't rule out all forms of undead - he may be a zombie. I'm pretty effing sure he's not, but I can't guarantee that he wasn't raised from the dead by a shaman who is now controlling his every move, except by pointing out that this must be the most bored shaman ever. So basically what I'm saying is that I am 90% sure that my landlord is not undead. Yet he never sleeps. Ever.
How do I know this, you ask?
The fact is that my home is devoid of any form of soundproofing. Not only in my suite where Roomies and I could have normal-voiced conversations in different rooms if we wanted to, but between floors. I can hear every footstep, many conversations, and all music and TV shows watched upstairs. Not to the point where it's annoying, I actually barely notice it, but it's there. (Further evidence in favour of my landlord's humanity: I almost never hear victims whimpering up there whilst he sucks their blood.)
Now, Roomies and I are on different life-schedules. I work in theatre and am generally up later at night and sleep a little later in the morning, whereas they are often in bed before 11pm and get up voluntarily before 8am on a regular basis (I know, it is so weird, I feel like Jane Goodall amongst the chimpanzees). They used to get up even earlier when Girl Roomie worked in a coffee shop and had to leave the house at 5am or something ridiculous like that. So what I'm saying is that there is often someone awake in my house 19-21 hours out of the day.
No matter what time of day it is, we can hear him upstairs. No matter how late I'm up, I hear footsteps, movies, and music upstairs. No matter how early I or the Roomies get up, there are more footsteps and often conversation happening upstairs.
Further evidence is that this kindly older retired man has told me several times that he doesn't care how many parties we have and how much noise we make late at night. This runs against every single stereotype I can think of for older retired men.
So my only question now is, if he is probably not undead, then is he a robot? Is it possible that he will revert to his original programming and try to kill me?*
*Robots that look and behave like humans are always invented by evil masterminds who try to take over the world. Then they are reprogrammed to be used for good (meaning they do household chores for us), only to eventually revert to their original programming and try to take over the world, killing a whole bunch of nice people until one renegade cop figures out how to stop them. Or they were invented by the porn industry, and I don't even want to think about THAT original programming.
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