I think an insect committed suicide in my home last night. Here's what happened:
I arrive home from a work function and go to the bathroom the commence pre-bedtime hygiene rituals.
Upon entering the bathroom I see a creepy beetle-like insect on my ceiling. Automatically assuming it has already pledged its allegiance to Lucifer, as it has planted itself right above the sink where I need to be to engage in the majority of my hygiene rituals, I curse it under my breath and do the only logical thing: brush my teeth in the kitchen.
It is still there when I'm done brushing.
So I floss in the kitchen.
It is still there.
All that's left to do now is wash my face and I hate the idea of washing my face in the kitchen sink because it just feels so wrong. Like eating a peanut butter sandwich without first buttering the bread with actual butter (or margarine - I'm not picky). Wrong.
With renewed vigor and an old toilet paper roll as a weapon, I go on the offensive. I plan on victoriously taking back my bathroom and swat the beetle-like insect off the ceiling.
Here's where things get weird - instead of scurrying away or flailing or doing other things one would expect and insect to do when it's been swatted off a ceiling, it just makes a thunky noise and doesn't move at all.
It was already dead y'all.
Which means that it was sitting on my ceiling and just died. It just sat there and let itself die. It didn't even try to run or anything. It's so sad - it pretty much just gave up which is like committing suicide. This means I can no longer associate it with Lucifer because it was probably all emo and depressed, which definitely means that it was incredibly annoying, but does not mean it actually deserved to die. In fact, it was in such an open and visible location that it was probably attempting suicide as a cry for help but then all its friends were like "DUDE we are so sick of you and your whining, just give it up already!" and then later they realized that it wasn't whining, but was actually dying and they felt like big jerks.
Either that or it was an insect suicide-bomber but accidentally died too early. In which case I totally hate it because it was probably going to dive-bomb my head while I was crouched over the sink washing my hair.