Suicide Squad: Reactions and Spoilers

Despite reports that Suicide Squad is as bad as The Fantastic Four (a movie I never saw, but thoroughly understand to have been terrible), I went to see it last night. Overall, I will say that the movie was a very enjoyable experience. It was fine. Until you start to look at anything more closely. Upon examination, pretty much everything about it is kind of terrible. So I understand why the critics gave it such terrible reviews, despite it being a totally passable film-viewing experience.

Oh, there will be SO MANY SPOILERS here. Run away if you don't like that. Here, I'll put a gif between this text and the spoilers.

Observations about Suicide Squad

Observations About Suicide Squad Wherein I Pretend I am a Filmmaker:

They started off with a spectacular use of music to introduce the characters. It was so good it reminded me of Kill Bill. Then they stopped and used generic superhero movie music. Then they started again at the end. It was very awkward. Consistency, people! Either be awesome or generic with your music choices, throughout!

Speaking of character introductions, giving two characters a more detailed introduction is fine - it tells us that Dead Shot and Harley Quinn are the most important ones - but then why did they repeat those intros in Amanda Waller's pitch to the government stooges?

Speaking of Amanda Waller, they also made her pitch her Team of Villains idea twice, adding a little bit of information to it the second time. This means that they made the choice to redundantly explain things twice in a row within the first 20 minutes of the movie.

Still speaking of Amanda Waller, is she a meta-human too? Because she should definitely have been dead in the end, but her suit wasn't even scuffed. Maybe she keeps a spare suit hidden in a waterproof lining of her other suit so that she can always look sharp. Makes sense - evil overlords gotta look sharp.

Did they really have the first person to get killed be the nameless Native American guy? Oh... no. Guys.

What was with Batman giving Harley Quinn a very aggressive kiss while she was passed out in the trunk of his car? Now I'm thinking mayyyybe it was supposed to be angry mouth-to-mouth, but it was short, close-mouthed, and that's weird too.

DUDE! Diablo is some kind of Aztec Fire God!!!!! DUUUUUDE!

That bomb at the end was... not very powerful. Yet it killed two VERY powerful god-like creatures.

Harley Quinn wins at being the best member of the Suicide Squad, hands down

Harley Quinn is seriously the best. She thinks so fast and has the best poker face of all time and speaks the truth except when it's a lie except that it's still kind of true even when she's lying. She is a TRAGIC GENIUS who is really good at killing.

Good thing they had that forced moment of character development in the middle, when the squad goes into that bar to pour themselves drinks and Diablo shared his sad story for no reason.

It's also a good thing that they made the movie 3D so that the only discernible difference between it and a 2D movie would be minion brains getting spewed in my face.

Is it bad that I think it's annoying that a hired assassin refuses to kill women and children? Okay, I won't protest the "don't kill kids" stipulation, because children are young and usually innocent and weak. But I can't think of a real reason that a person who will kill any man for money shouldn't also kill women. It's not like he stood in front of his armed victims like a man and took them down in fair shoot-outs. He shot a guy in the back of the head by rebounding the bullet off a ... rebounding metal thing ... and then ran away. Don't pretend you have honour by imposing some weird chivalry on your indiscriminate death-dealing.

The structural strength of that metro station is incredible - three or four pillars get destroyed in a ROW and there isn't even a hint that place is going to collapse.

The super dramatic ending where Will Smith defies a vision of his daughter and shoots the flying bomb in slow motion? It was like a half-step away from parody, I swear.

The aesthetic of this movie was clearly fantastic, making it super weird when Batman showed up being all straight-faced and "I am Batman!" about everything. Luckily he barely got any screen time.

It was WAY BETTER than Batman vs. Superman.


The Receptionist Delivers! Sign up for my email newsletter for a weekly digest and BONUS CONTENT!

Comments