Fixing "Mary Did You Know?"

Photo by elizaraxi.

The song Mary Did You Know? used to be one of my favourite Christmas songs, mostly because of the dramatic mystery it evokes. It was such an exciting shift from the obvious joy of every other song! I would imagine being the star of some dance/physical theatre performance as Mary, making her way through representations of Jesus' life with awe and wonder and lots of smoke effects. I was going to be the best Mary.

It is also a super mansplainy disaster of a song that doesn't take into account that Mary actually, obviously, DID know a lot of things. So let's look at how Mary, the new mom, might answer these questions while she tries to get little baby Jesus to latch on:

Mary did you know that your baby boy will one day walk on water?

          The angel didn't give me a lot of specifics. Currently, I don't know if my baby boy will ever get enough milk. What is this all about?

Mary did you know that your baby boy will save our sons and daughters?

          Yes, that is the whole point of me having him.

Did you know that your baby boy has come to make you new?

          You know what would really make me feel new? A shower. Or whatever the equivalent of a shower is for my time right now. Bathing in a stream?

This child that you've delivered, will soon deliver you

          Again, that was literally the whole point in him being born. Although if he could have delivered me from the labour, that would have been neat.

Mary did you know that your baby boy will give sight to a blind man?

          I haven't really thought about the specifics. Metaphorically, yes. I knew.

Mary did you know that your baby boy will calm a storm with his hand?

          Again, you're getting very specific. I don't even know if he'll have any brothers or sisters yet. I know he's the saviour, isn't that enough? (That sounds cool though.)

Did you know that your baby boy has walked where angels trod?

          I mean, not literally. It's not like this little body was walking around with angels. But sure, yes, on some plain, in some realm of existence, this guy was hanging with angels. I know.

And when you kiss your little baby, you have kissed the face of God

          YES! When an angel tells you that you are going to have a child planted in your body by God, you kind of put 2 and 2 together. It's neat, right? I just kissed God's face!

Mary did you know, Mary did you know, Mary did you know

          That is not even a question. Can you pass me that blanket?

The blind will see, the deaf will hear and the dead will live again

          That's great, I feel pretty dead right now.

The lame will leap, the dumb will speak, the praises of the lamb

          The lamb? What lamb? This is a baby.

Mary did you know that your baby boy is Lord of all creation?

          How many times do I have to say yes, I understood what the angel said to me. I get it.

Mary did you know that your baby boy will one day rule the nations?

          That is the whole idea.

Did you know that your baby boy is heaven's perfect Lamb?

          The lamb thing again. Lamb implies some kind of slaughter. I know he's the saviour and I am choosing not to acknowledge the potential dangers involved in that. Why would you even suggest to a new mother that her baby will be sacrificed, even through imagery? Lambs get eaten or sacrificed, I'm not an idiot.

This sleeping child you're holding is the great I am

          If you're just going to ask the very same question in different ways, I don't have time for you.

Mary did you know, Mary did you know, Mary did you know

          *Decidedly ignores the persistent man questioning her and goes back to focusing on feeding the baby.*

Here's how to fix the song: every time it says "Mary did you know..." change it to "Hey Mary it's so cool..." Done!

But, I mean, it's still awesome and just LISTEN to the Pentatonix version and try not to fall into a dramatic whirlwind of mystery:



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