Taking Songs Too Seriously: As Long as You Love Me

The Backstreet Boys weren't exactly known for their lyrical greatness, but I still think that if you have a team of professionals writing your songs, they should be able to stand up to some scrutiny.

For the sake of simplicity, this analysis won't even delve into the weird music video, where the boys of the backstreets transform some intelligent-looking women into fun fantasy ladies. Let's focus on the song lyrics instead.

My main beef with As Long as You Love Me is pretty much the main point of the song:

"I don't care who you are / Where you're from / What you did / As long as you love me"

Really? You don't care ANYTHING about this person or their past?

First of all, this demonstrates a very low level of interest in the person at all. I realize that small talk on dates can be a bit dull, but we ask people where they are from in order to learn more about them. If you don't even care who they are... What do you care about? Are you the worst date ever?

Second, I mean, sure, we've all made mistakes. But since they later say "Doesn't really matter if you're on the run", so it sounds like they don't care about how legal this person's history is.

Again, we all make mistakes, and just because someone has broken a law doesn't mean they don't deserve love, but are there no limits? Is it just enough for them to love you?

Okay, let's get into this: here are some potential scenarios that could unfold for the BSB if they took this song to heart.

Howie: He met his beloved at a party. She was standing off to the side looking bored and superior to the whole thing, which was very alluring to him. Turns out she is a hired assassin who was there casing the joint to later kill the owner: Howie's best friend. By the time he found this out it was a real Romeo and Juliet situation.

Brian: Brian was at a gas station when a frail young thing ran in looking frantic: she was literally on the run. He looked in her eyes, fell instantly in love with her, and swore to protect her no matter what. He left his life behind to escape together, and so not only was the latest BSB/NKOTB tour cancelled, but it turned out that she had orchestrated a terrorist act and was running from the FBI.

AJ: Swiping on Tinder, AJ came across a cute guy with eyes like magic. They met, and it was instant love. A couple weeks later, AJ noticed that this guy was really secretive about his past relationships. At first he thought that he was just uncomfortable bringing his past into their new love. Nope, turns out that all his past lovers disappeared about 2 months into their relationships. AJ was sure this time would be different. It wasn't.

Nick: Really into the whole "I don't even care who you are", aspect, Nick lets his friends set him up with strangers all the time, and never asks them anything about themselves. Unfortunately, because he didn't even bother to find out who he was dating or what they did, it later turned out that he had been harbouring a fugitive who ran an international scam out of his house, and was sentenced to 5 years in prison. (This actually helped his career, as he had been trying to break the "good boy" identity he had honed in BSB.)

Kevin: Kevin was shopping in Whole Foods and met a lovely woman. When he found out she had been born with male genitalia, he told her he didn't care, as long as she loved him. She was relieved. They shared an intimate, loving, healthy relationship and adopted two kids, teaching them to judge a person by the content of their character, not the private parts they were born with.

So things turned out pretty great for Kevin and his family.

Let's take apart the terrible demise of the Backstreet Boys based on this song

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