Staring into the unknown, day one

Photo by Jordan Sanchez via Unsplash.

A year ago, I tried something new: I started taking antidepressants. They made an almost immediate difference for me in my mood and energy levels.

Today is the day that I try another new thing. Today I stop taking them.

The time is right. The circumstances that caused me to need them in the first place have all changed and I have gotten better at taking care of myself. I was never supposed to stay on the pills indefinitely.

I'm kind of nervous. Nobody really knows what I should expect. My doctor and my counsellor both said the same thing: physical symptoms can have a huge range, and nobody knows how my body will react until it does. I just need to give myself the space to experience some things and see how it goes.

Because people are bizarre creatures, I have been sent many articles about the horrors of withdrawal from antidepressants, as well as permanent brain damage some people have experienced, so I am fully aware of the worst end of the spectrum. (Why people think it's necessary to send a friend who is already on antidepressants articles about how going off them will ruin their life, I don't know.) My hope is that since I experienced very few symptoms going on the drugs, I won't experience many going off.

But now all I can do is stare into the great unknown and wait for it to hit me. Theoretically, I have the strength to deal with it.

I'll let you know how it goes.

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