This is a VERY GOOD READ: Mom, Dad, Other by Andrea Bennett.
It so beautifully lays out the impact of gender roles on parenthood, in general, and in specific what that does to trans, queer, or non-binary parents who don't even have a spot on their child's school intake form where they can put their name down because they are not the mother nor the father.
"It feels surreal to be comfortable tackling the gendered expectations of parenthood but to have no warm, loving way to voice who you are to your own child... While feminism has tried to move the needle on gendered divisions of labour in parenting, we are still culturally stuck in 101-level conversations about mothering and fathering."
It's a multi-layered experience. There's the side benefit to queer families that the labour can't be shunted by default onto mom and oh dang, other criteria than assumed gender roles must be used to decide who will leave work to deal with their child who is throwing up at daycare. But that tasty side plate is sitting next to a heaping entree of having your core identity constantly undermined or rendered invisible.
All of this is articulated with warmth and precision by Bennett and I suggest everyone read it.
Sign up for my email newsletter for a bi-weekly digest and bonus content!