Things I Learned Today (and it's not even noon)

Predictive text mistakes are interesting

If you use predictive text on your cell phone (probably because you STILL don't have an internet phone with a real keypad thingy and you don't even actually remember how old your phone is except that you remember it was new two houses ago making it at least 4 years old and that you were really excited about having a "sexy slider phone" which is totally not sexy any more and really just kind of makes people sad when they look at it) and type "in the" but forget to leave a space it will say "movie".  No?  Well now you do.  And yes, your life is better for this information.

Can you believe that was what motivated me to write this post in the first place?

The truth about bikini waxing.
Warning: this section will definitely fall in the "too much information" file.

Today I am getting my bikini waxed for the first time ever in my life, which is apparently shocking and a little disgusting*, and I get why it's a little surprising because I guess most girls start taking care of their lady-box's hat when they are much younger than me, but I never really have.  I mean, I have taken care of it in other ways, with very little commitment, and now for the first time ever am getting it waxed.  On the phone they asked if I wanted a French or a Bikini and I was trying to sound all clever and experienced and remembered my friends saying that the French is just like cleaning up the strays and stuff, so I said with full confidence and know-how in my voice that I wanted a French.  Then I looked it up online just to be sure and turns out that a French means they take pretty much everything off which really just freaks me out and I do NOT want them to do that, but now when I get there I'll have to admit that I don't know what I'm doing and have never been waxed before and then I'll try to be all casual about it but will laugh really awkwardly and she'll know that I am terrified.  Because who wouldn't be terrified about yanking the hair off their lady-box?  All I want is to be able to wear my bathing suit on the beach without embarrassment!  Or with significantly less embarrassment anyways.  I mean, there's only so much I can control.

Also, I have been amazed to recently learn how much work some girls put into grooming their lady-box and I had no idea that it was even possible to put that much work into it, but apparently it is not only possible but common.  Have I been missing something here?  Was my mother supposed to teach me more about this?  I don't think I would have listened because I would have been horrifyingly embarrassed that she was talking to me about her lady-box grooming and would have just agreed with everything she was saying without actually listening to it just to make the conversation end.  Then I still wouldn't have known anything about this.  So my question is, if that's how conversations with mothers turn out, then where exactly did all these other girls learn that they were supposed to do all this stuff?  I mean, it's just a LOT of work and expense and what exactly are they trying to accomplish?  I mean, I get some basic tidying up, but that aside, are you trying to disguise it?  Are you doing it for yourself or for the dudes?  If it's for yourself then I'll just shrug and say "have fun down there!" while moving on to one of my ridiculous past times that probably make no sense to anyone else and so we'd be even.  If it's for the dudes, then I get it even less, because if they're down there isn't it because they like lady-boxes?  Why would you want to disguise it?  Why would they want you to disguise it?  Does it make it like a safari for them, to see if they can still recognize it?

Here is a sign you are growing up: the more you learn the more questions you have.

*I reread that sentence and realized it's a little unclear.  I mean to say that apparently I am shocking and a little disgusting for having never been waxed before, not that waxing is shocking and disgusting.  Although it probably is.  I mean, think about it.  Really.

Comments

Lois said…
if you're going for too much information, let's stay there for a moment.

I too have neve had a bikini wax. Like you I take care of things, but not with much commitment. But can I just say that ingrown hairs are disgusting and why would I want to do something that would lead to more of them in that area? SERIOUSLY.

Please report back on the waxing so that I know if it is something I too wish to venture with.
Andrea said…
Report on the waxing: not nearly as painful as I expected, although obviously still unpleasant. Minimal red bumpiness, I let them talk me into buying some fancy ointment to reduce ingrown hairs, so lets see how that goes. And.... I have to admit... I now understand what all those other ladies have always said about it feeling nice and clean down there, even with just a basic bikini wax. It's... nice.

How weird.