I love the Monarchy. I really do. I actually think they should be given back some of their authority over Canada. I think that if they were in charge of some of the ongoing parts of Canadian life (say, education, the environment, and health care) things would run a lot more smoothly. Think about it: the job turn over is very infrequent compared to political leaders, so we wouldn't get those sudden changes in policy that come with each election, and they aren't vying for votes so they don't have to please weird yet powerful fringe groups. They could actually just use they're brains (which I am convinced they have) to come up with plans that will actually work in the long-term, instead of bandying about, insulting their opponents and making drastic changes to policy that will later be reversed and insulted by said opponents when they are in power.
Anyhoo... all that to say, I was very excited to hear that Prince William and Kate Middleton were coming to Canada for a visit. They are so pretty! And she will be a brand new princess, which means I'll get to pretend vicariously through her that I am a brand new princess! I was actively considering dropping by to say hello, along with the millions of other screaming fans.
Then I found out that they are not visiting British Columbia. I repeat: PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON ARE NOT VISITING BRITISH COLUMBIA!!! Do they not realize that we are the most British of all the Canadians? I mean, we have BRITISH in our freaking PROVINCE NAME! What on earth have the Northwest Territories ever done for you, royal couple? Seriously, what? What do they offer that we in BRITISH Columbia don't offer? I mean, I get that you're visiting Prince Edward Island, because it's named after a prince and half of you are a prince, but what's the next logical step here? I'm pretty sure it's BRITISH Columbia. Our capitol city is even named after freaking QUEEN VICTORIA!!! Yep, Victoria, British Columbia. Then we have all those other royal cities: PRINCE Rupert, PRINCE George, PRINCEton. (Side note: I am starting to note a patriarchal bias here...) I mean, could you get any more loyal to the Crown than that?
Finally, on a more personal note, my family shares a special connection to the current Monarchy. You see, while Princess Di was pregnant with William, my Mom was pregnant with my older sister, and they were born around the same time of year. Guess what happened when Pri Di was preggo again, this time with Harry? YEP, there I was, in my Mom's tummy, actively becoming a full-sized human baby, born around the same time of year as a full-sized human baby version of Harry. So don't you see, royal couple? We are bonded. I am practically related to you. SO GET YOUR FREAKING SOON TO BE NEWLYWED BUTTS OVER TO MY FREAKING PROVINCE!!!
I rest my case.