Showing posts with label the greater good. Show all posts
Showing posts with label the greater good. Show all posts

If Debt Forgiveness Has Got Your Goat, Remember Who the Real Enemy Is

It's natural to feel a bit ripped off if you've worked hard and sacrificed for something that just gets handed out the next minute for free.

But remember: the enemy is not the "handout", it's the capitalism, complacency, scarcity, and greed that kept your sweet hands handout-free in the first place.

When I was an apprentice at a theatre company, I got paid a measly $600/month stipend. Two years later (when I was on staff), the apprentice stipend got increased to $1,000/month, just because someone who they really wanted asked for an increase.

I felt two things: happy for the new apprentices who would make closer to a decent amount of money and also upset that I'd had to live off much less and now it was going to increase to what was practically a lavish wage to me at the time. (Oh what teensy tiny expectations I had.)

What really got me wasn't the fact that the increase was happening, it was how easily the wage changed and the knowledge that I had not been valued in the same way.

Because that's all it takes to increase a wage or forgive a debt: a decision. A little bit of will. One person to value the work or life of another.

The problem isn't that someone eventually might make that decision, the problem is that a bunch of people spent so long maintaining the opposite decision--the one that kept you in debt or at an inhumanly low wage.

So feel your rage, if you've got it, just send it in the right direction.

An animated gif from The Hunger Games - a man stands in a jungle at night calling back towards the camera, "remember who the enemy is"
Kate Tumblr


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For Giving Tuesday, Make Your Ideal World Come True

A mural on an outside wall with stylized painting of hands, outstreched facing upwards and cupped, as if ready to receive help.
Photo by Tim Mossholder.

Today is Giving Tuesday.

It's supposed to be the antidote to the consumerist scrabble of Black Friday, Small Business Saturday, and Cyber Monday (all of which have morphed into "Black Friday" sales that start a week before Thanksgiving and last into December, because what is time, really?)

Something tells me that a lot more people throw their money at the sales than the charities, but hey, it probably still motivates some giving.

It's also a good day to consider what kind of world you want to live in. Do you want to live in a world where orphans are cared for? Where the environment is honoured and protected? Where animals are shown respect and love? Where art is vibrant and all around you? Where the poor have, at the very least, their basic needs met? Where people repair and reuse their things instead of throwing them out?

There are already charities or community groups working on pretty much every cause you can imagine. (It's kind of like the internet's rule of porn, but for making the world a better place.)

You can also contribute to making your imagined utopia a reality, and it's actually pretty easy: volunteer and/or donate.

Maybe you have the capacity to do both. Maybe you are only able to manage one or the other.

Either way, it's pretty cool that we are actually capable of helping make our ideal world come true.

So maybe today, let's think about what kind of world we want to live in, and then help make it come true.


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The Last Thing We Need is a Hero

Photo by Jessica Podraza.

I love superhero stories.

My favourites are the reluctant superhero stories, where a regular person is called to greatness. When they set aside their own desires and priorities for the Greater Good, fighting the good fight. I am here for the journey, here for the moments when they think it's too hard and want to give up, when they realize that humanity/the earth/peace/hope is worth fighting for and step back in with a new fire and DO IT. They save us all!

At various times in my life, I have imagined myself being that hero. Being the one who stands up and does the right thing and makes everything better. However, and I say this with the least amount of self-pity possible, the best I could realistically hope for is to be the hero's sidekick, with a far greater chance to be one of the ones watching from the sidelines. (Case in point: the last time I re-read the Harry Potter books, all I could see was the millions of opportunities for our trio of heroes to report what was going on to the teachers and let them take care of it.)

Around the time of the climate strikes, two things happened.

First, I started having conversations with a friend about a very big problem with superhero narratives.

What's the problem with superhero narratives? Nothing, if all you're looking at is a story about the fight of good vs. evil and some big-screen production values. Everything, if you realize that, in the real world, we all have a role to play in actually fighting evil in the world and that superhero narratives just absolves the rest of us of our responsibility in the whole thing.

The second thing that happened is my friend posting this meme on Facebook:


(If you haven't been up on your late-90s-early-00s lady-hero television, this is a Buffy the Vampire Slayer reference.)

Of course, this meme is just an example of how Greta Thunberg has been cast in the role of The Hero We Need, which is HUGELY problematic for several reasons.

1) I know Buffy is all about a young girl who suddenly finds out her life is forfeit because she was unwittingly born to fight vampires, but in real life why on earth would we want to put that much pressure on one girl's shoulders?

2) It ignores the incredible work being done by many other people, including a number of Indigenous and POC young girls and women.

3) Fighting climate change is not the same as slaying demons. It requires a TEAM EFFORT. (Not to make small individual changes that put teensy dents in the overall problem while overloading us all with guilt for having dared to even think about straws, but to force governments and corporations to change the system.) By casting Ms. Thunberg as a hero fighting for us all, we are at serious risk at thinking the fight is dealt with.

By making Greta Thunberg into our climate change-fighting hero, we let ourselves off the hook, and this is one hook we should all be on.

So, to continue the Buffy narrative, consider this the Season 3 final fight where Buffy enlisted all her classmates to fight a giant snake demon. Sure, we need a leader to come up with a strategy (and, by the by, as brilliant as Greta is, she might not be the best person for that particular job), and then we all have to take our posts and do our part!

So PICK UP YOUR FLAME-THROWER, HIDE IT UNDER YOUR GRADUATION GOWN, AND WAIT FOR YOUR CUE TO FIRE!

(Sorry if you didn't get that reference, but hopefully that means you are intrigued enough to watch Buffy straight through, in which case, you're welcome. Also maybe flame-throwers aren't the weapon of choice in the battle against climate change, thanks to all the forest fires, so let's leave those at home.)

Some groups or individuals who are working on strategies to bring change include Extinction Rebellion, Green Climate Fund, the Climate Action Network, and 350.org.


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Recommended Read: 8 Simple, Inexpensive Ways to Be a More Ethical Consumer in 2019

Recommended Read from Fast Company: 8 simple ways to be a more ethical consumer and how many times you need to reuse things before they are better
Photo by Guus Bagermans.

I don't know about you, but I just hate consumerism. Yet, since humans have to consume some things (like food), and our society is set up to drive us to consume as much as possible of everything else, I can't seem to help but be a part of the system.

If we're going to be a part of it, however, we can do it as ethically as possible! Who's with me?!!??!!!

Step one, of course, is resisting the urge and pressure to consume wherever possible by fixing old things instead of buying new ones or just not getting a new thing.

Step two is to try to do all the rest of our consuming in a way that doesn't kill both people and planet. Enter this Fast Company article on 8 simple, inexpensive ways to be a more ethical consumer in 2019.

They identify some of the main culprits in our lives (plastic soap bottles, paper towels, fast fashion, 2-day shipping, meat) and some easy, viable alternatives.

One thing they don't say, that I would like to point out, is that it feels really good to go out and do something like buying a bunch of glass pump bottles to replace all the plastic bottles in your home, however (HOWEVER!), your eco-footprint will not shrink unless you then also take the time and effort to go to your local package-free soap dispensary or buy bulk-sized pouches to refill these bottles when they empty. Every time!

Glass and other reusable alternatives actually take more energy and resources to produce than disposables, so they need to be reused quite a bit before they become more eco-friendly. (You'll get different estimates all over the place on how many times a glass, cloth, ceramic, or metal item needs to be used to be officially "better" than a disposable one, but it seems to range from 6 to hundreds depending on the item in question.)

This isn't to discourage you from doing it, of course, but to encourage you to be realistic about it. If you just pour a regular bottle of dish soap into your fancy glass pump bottle, all you've done is make your kitchen look nicer. A worthy endeavour, but not the one we are talking about right now.

Same goes if you decide, a year later, that you'd rather get a different style of glass pumps and throw out your old ones in favour of new.

So let's do these things, and let's think longer term about how we do them to make sure they are actually effective.

Goooooooo TEAM! YEAH!


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The Best a Man Can Be

Have you watched this Gillette commercial recently? HAVE YOU?


Before any of you start: yes, I know it's a commercial. I know that they are ultimately trying to sell razors. I know that, and I don't care. I don't care if the CEO of Gillette is a cynical, misogynistic ass-butt. Because sending messages like this, directed to men and boys, is what is going to help make these ideas NORMAL and that is what is going to help make real change in the world.

I am a big believer in the power of making big ideas mundane. The more familiar something is, the more we like it, and the more easily we can remember something, the more we think it's true (the familiarity heuristic and availability bias respectively). So the more people see and hear that men need to hold each other accountable, stop with the bullying, and stop with the sexual harassment, the more they will think this is a good, normal, and true idea.

That's why I don't care two shakes whether Gillette actually believes in this message. (Okay, I care a little, but it doesn't make me skeptical about the ad itself.)

Dear Any and All Men Reading This:

Please watch this video and share it in the places you share things. Or put a "hells yes, this is great" comment if one of your friends beat you to it. Share the love! Spread the message! Help make it NORMAL!

Sincerely,

The Receptionist


This is the kind of lesson we need to teach boys: be caring, take care of each other, and don't learn toxic masculinity.
Photo by Juan Pablo Rodriguez.


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Here's some bummer news for Christmas Eve


Ready for your Christmas bummer? While you're hanging out with family, eating and drinking more than you should, much of what you are enjoying was manufactured, packaged, harvested, or delivered by low-wage workers who are being taken advantage of.

For one example, Christmas tree cutters in North Carolina are taken advantage of in an extreme way, including having their wages stolen and fearing terrible injury on the job.

I know it's easier to pretend we don't know these things so that we can enjoy the gluttony and consumerism without any bad feelings, but I say, let's all let ourselves feel a little guilty. We are a part of a system that exploits a lot of people. There should be a little inner turmoil there.

(We should also DEFINITELY do something about it, and guess what's not going to help us do something about it? Pretending the problem doesn't exist. Feel the icky feelings, and then look up at least one thing you can do to help with whatever thing makes you feel the ickiest.)

(If this really bums you out, maybe this hilarious and accurate pin will speak to you.)

MERRY CHRISTMAS!


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Fixing "Baby, It's Cold Outside"

I have long despised the song "Baby, It's Cold Outside". Sure, the melody is lovely and the apparently cute back-and-forth can seem like the fodder for an adorable duet. But, just like the episode of Arrested Development where Michael and Maeby suddenly realize halfway in that "Afternoon Delight" isn't a duet suited to an uncle/niece karaoke performance, "Baby, It's Cold Outside" quickly shows us its dark underpinnings. These days, most people know it to be a weird, coercive song about a man trying to stop a woman from safely leaving.

If you still love the tune and it makes you sad to not be able to listen to it, fear not! I have recently come across TWO versions that, at least to a degree, fix it!

The first fix: She & Him


In this version, they gender swap the roles. While I in NO WAY advocate for some kind of reverse harassment where women can coerce men because "hahaha, women aren't scary!", I believe that in this case the swap is ultimately beneficial. Mostly because it serves as a commentary on the whole dynamic.

It's not a perfect fix, but if you like the fun of a duet, it'll do for now.

The second fix: Scott Bradley's Post-Modern Jukebox


They have eliminated the male voice all together! The song is completely transformed! Instead of being about a man pushing a woman to stay while she offers a multitude of reasons over why she should go, it actually feels like a song about a woman who wants to stay but feels like she should leave and is wrestling with her own indecision. (Which is what people always claim the song is actually about, and maybe it felt that way back in the day, but not times have a-changed.)

Or you could just leave it all behind!



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A new way to split the bill


Here's an interesting idea: instead of splitting your next group-dining bill based on what everyone ordered (or ruining everything by splitting it equally between everyone regardless of what anyone ordered), an app called EquiTable will let you split the bill based on everyone's privilege.  

Just log in, enter your race and age, then indicate your gender on the sliding scale between male and female, and bam!  An equitable, not equal, division of the bill.

If you're given a higher amount than you want to pay, you can protest and indicate and excuse from their list, including "this isn't an issue anymore" or "just spent $400 on improv classes."  The app won't give you any sympathy though.

Of course there are issues with this in general - I feel fairly certain I am under-earning for my demographic, for example.  Consider it more of an educational tool: if everyone was paying based on what they got the opportunity to earn, how would things be split?

Inspiration! Talking to daughters

I came across this post on my Facebook feed a little while ago and I thought it was beautiful. Written by Sarah Koppelkam, it describes how to talk to your daughter about her body, and I think we can widen that intention out a bit.  How about, here's how to talk to any daughter about her body. This includes you, if you are a daughter. Heck, even if you're not, I know that men don't get the same messages about their bodies, but that doesn't mean they can't use more positive reinforcement!


How to talk to your daughter about her body, step one: Don't talk to your daughter about her body, except to teach her how it works.

Don't say anything if she's lost weight. Don't say anything if she's gained weight.

If you think your daughter's body looks amazing, don't say that. Here are some things you can say instead:

"You look so healthy!" is a great one.

Or how about, "You're looking so strong."

"I can see how happy you are -- you're glowing."

Better yet, compliment her on something that has nothing to do with her body.

Don't comment on other women's bodies either. Nope. Not a single comment, not a nice one or a mean one.

Teach her about kindness towards others, but also kindness towards yourself.

Don't you dare talk about how much you hate your body in front of your daughter, or talk about your new diet. In fact, don't go on a diet in front of your daughter. Buy healthy food. Cook healthy meals. But don't say, "I'm not eating carbs right now." Your daughter should never think that carbs are evil, because shame over what you eat only leads to shame about yourself.

Encourage your daughter to run because it makes her feel less stressed. Encourage your daughter to climb mountains because there is nowhere better to explore your spirituality than the peak of the universe. Encourage your daughter to surf, or rock climb, or mountain bike because it scares her and that's a good thing sometimes.

Help your daughter love soccer or rowing or hockey because sports make her a better leader and a more confident woman. Explain that no matter how old you get, you'll never stop needing good teamwork. Never make her play a sport she isn't absolutely in love with.

Prove to your daughter that women don't need men to move their furniture.

Teach your daughter how to cook kale.

Teach your daughter how to bake chocolate cake made with six sticks of butter.

Pass on your own mom's recipe for Christmas morning coffee cake. Pass on your love of being outside.

Maybe you and your daughter both have thick thighs or wide ribcages. It's easy to hate these non-size zero body parts. Don't. Tell your daughter that with her legs she can run a marathon if she wants to, and her ribcage is nothing but a carrying case for strong lungs. She can scream and she can sing and she can lift up the world, if she wants.

Remind your daughter that the best thing she can do with her body is to use it to mobilize her beautiful soul.

~ Sarah Koppelkam

Inspiration! Just make a dent


"Part of the problem seems to be that nobody these days is content to merely put their dent in the universe. No, they have to fucking own the universe.”
David Heinemeier Hansson

THANK YOU! This is what I've been trying to say, well, basically since I finally got over the idea of owning the universe.  What is all this pressure that we are supposed to be putting on our lives?

Remember, everyone can't own the universe, but if we content ourselves to make our own dents then we actually allow everyone else the power to make their own!  So let's do it!  Dent the world!

PS: Did anyone else see the movie Death to Smoochy back in the day?  Remember how Smoochy's answering machine said "you may not be able to change the world, but you can make a dent", and it was something we were supposed to kind of make fun of, but actually it was good advice?

Dealing With Diversity? Some tips for my fellow privileged white folk.

Recently I've been confronted with the systemic biases and lack of diversity for an organization I run.  It wasn't a total surprise.  I, and the rest of the board, were already aware of the problem and taking some steps to fix it, but when it became a public conversation we suddenly became truly accountable.  As a a result, I have had more conversations about diversity than I ever have in my life, and I have learned a lot.

So let's just say you are a bit like me: white, middle class, and educated.  Let's say you are involved in any group (a workplace, church, volunteer organization, whatever) that, despite the best intentions of everyone involved, remains conspicuously dominated by your fellow white people.  What next?

Well, the learning is an ongoing process, and so with full knowledge that I might later be taught something new that changes how I approach diversity, here is what I have learned so far.


1) It's not about me.  Or you.

The first thing that we feel compelled to do when confronted with a racial imbalance in our lives is defend how "not racist" we are.  Guess what?  That doesn't even matter.  It's not about you and your racism, or lack thereof.  That is kind of beside the point.

If your organization is not reflective of the society you live in, that probably means there is some kind of systemic bias or barrier keeping people away.  Recognizing this, and using the word "racism" when discussing it, is simply not the same as calling you a racist.  Spending all your energy defending yourself distracts from the real work that needs to be done.

2) Get comfortable identifying people based on race.

Those of us raised in non-blatantly-racist societies were taught growing up that merely identifying a person's skin colour verges on racist, and certainly doing anything based on the colour of a person's skin is wrong

In theory, that's true.  It shouldn't matter what colour a person's skin is, and since we're all of equal value as humans, then we shouldn't need to worry about it.

Unless, of course, you live in a society where countless structures and systems were put into place with racial segregation and oppression in mind and you want to try to correct that imbalance.  Then you kind of need to be able to talk about it.

This discomfort talking about race in frank terms is a side-effect of privilege.  One great article that helped drive this home for me is I, Racist, where the author describes, among other things, how Black people have no choice but to identify based on their race.
"To understand, you have to know that Black people think in terms of Black people. We don't see a shooting of an innocent Black child in another state as something separate from us because we know viscerally that it could be our child, our parent, or us, that is shot...  Black people think in terms of we because we live in a society where the social and political structures interact with us as Black people."
- John Metta, I, Racist
This made me realize that my discomfort with identifying people based on their race is entirely a result of my ability to feel "raceless" in the world, and my discomfort identifying and talking about race is a direct offshoot from that privilege.

At the end of the day, if your organization has no people of colour involved, then the only way to find out what is keeping them away is to ask them.  You can't do that if you never recognize that a person has a different background than you.  No, you don't force one person to be "the Middle Eastern representative" in your life and to answer for all Middle Eastern people everywhere, but you do recognize that you might need to ask some Middle Eastern people what it's like to be Middle Eastern.


3) Just stop with the "merit" talk.

One of the first things that comes out of most peoples' mouths when confronted with diversity in their organizations is "well I can't hire a person just because they're [insert race/ability/religious/gender/sexuality-based identifier here], I want to hire the best person for the job."

Once again, let's get over ourselves an look at the world a little differently, shall we?  There are more options than "hiring the best person for the job and it's only a coincidence that they're all young white guys" and "hiring anyone who ticks a diversity box regardless of merit", and if you truly think that there are no people who are qualified to work with you who aren't white, able-bodied, young men, then maybe you actually are a bigot and that's a different issue.

Honestly, when people talk like this, what I think they are doing is looking for an excuse.  They don't want to make a change, and so they blow it out of proportion using the most extreme example of the opposite problem to give themselves a pass.

Besides, if you think every white person got their job based on merit, you clearly aren't paying attention.  In most industries, opportunities come from who you know, not what you know.  Ask yourself what background a person might need to have to know the "right" people.

4) Get ready for some actual hard work.

We do things the way we do them because it's easy and reliable. We know what we're getting when we buy another Apple product, read books by the same authors, hire people we know.

At my organization, we recruited people mostly based on personal recommendations.  It was straightforward, familiar, safe, and required the least amount of effort, all valuable qualities for a volunteer-based organization.  We never intended all the people we recruited to be white, but that generally wound up being the case.

Honestly?  Changing the way we recruited was hard.  I had to question every instinct I had, and that was exhausting.  Sometimes I wanted to stop caring about it and just go back to the easy way because I was busy and tired and had a lot of other things to do and couldn't people just materialize out of thin air for me, please?

More honesty?  Working with the new board has, occasionally, been hard.  New people are bringing new perspectives.  They are forcing us to question the way we do things and stand by our choices.  They are holding us accountable to the kind of organization we want to be.  This is welcome, and it is not easy.  I am grateful it's happening and sometimes I wish I could just go back to business as usual.  I want change to happen, and I wish it would kind of just happen without the sticky part in the middle.

Unfortunately, this isn't the kind of thing you can half-ass.  I'm not trying to scare you, but it's worth being honest about.  You can't snap your finger and fix years of systemic biases, barriers, and racism.


5) Know your motives.

No matter what, in the world, in life, in running an organization, you are going to piss people off.  You're never going to do everything right, especially when it comes to diversity.  You could do all you can to recruit a diverse board or staff or volunteer team, and find that you still wind up with a majority white staff, or that you don't have enough women, or that there are no people with disabilities.

There will be an ever-changing roster of what is considered "diverse" and we will always be a step behind because there will aways be a privilege that we don't realize exists until we see who is suffering under it.

If you are embracing diversity just to get people off your back, then this will sound like a reason to not even bother.  If it can never be perfect, if someone will always be offended, then why try to do anything?

Because it's the right thing to do.  If that's your reason, then that's all that matters in the end.  If it's not, and you are doing this to make other people happy or to look good, then you might still do something positive, but you're going to feel angry and defensive every step of the way.

How to Use Dance Floor Jams for the Greater Good


People say that they don't like to be told what to do.  I say I don't like to be told what to do.  Unfortunately, people like Beyonce, Daft Punk, Fergie, Ludacris, and even S Club 7, have shown that we are all liars.

Go to any dance floor, any day, and watch people act like a bunch of sheeple (that's punk teen-code combining the word "sheep" with the word "people", implying that the people are just a bunch of sheep-like followers, in case you weren't a pseudo-punk teen in the 90's and didn't catch that), doing whatever the singer is telling them to do.

They tell us to wave our hands in the air and most people obediently wave their arms side to side over their heads, like they are at a very unconventional youth worship conference.

They instruct us ladies in the specific ways we should shake different parts of their bodies, and again, we are more than happy to oblige.

Luckily, we don't take the commands too literally.  When told to wave our hands in the air "like we just don't care", we generally keep the waving to a youth conference-level of extremity, because we all care about not getting hit in the face.

After I realized this great power the singers of dance hits have over us, it occurred to me that these people could actually change the world for the better and influence positive social change.  So here are some of my suggestions on new things that the singers of Dance Hits 2016 could tell us to do:

Instead Of... How About...
Fatman Scoop singing "You got a twenty dollar bill, put your hands up!"... "You gonna donate twenty to a meaningful cause, put your hands up!"
Daft Punk's repetition of "Put your hands up in the air" over and over and over again.... Repeating "Forgiveness is the key", instead.
Ludacris' simple cry of "Hands up!" in Get Back... "Arms out!" (and then everyone hugs their neighbour.)
Beyonce saying "Now put your hands up!" in Single Ladies... "Now communicate! (With your partner about your true needs and expectations for the relationship.)"
Luke Bryan's demand that country girls "Shake it for [him]" "Country girl, ride your horse as an alternate to driving and consuming more fossil fuels."
Outkast's famous command to "Shake it like a polaroid picture" as a reward to the male singers for doing their job and playing music... "Enjoy life and love your neighbour!"
"Shak[ing] your body from side to side" as S Club 7 orders... "Look a problem from someone else's side."

One that should stay just the way it is: when Nelly calls out "If you ever loved somebody put your hands up!"

Sing it, Nelly!  Celebrate love!

As a slight feminist postscript, I wish that more ladies sang songs commanding that the men shake for them.  Not only would it even things out a bit more, which is always a nice thing to do, but it would maybe motivate more dudes to learn how to shake their booties with more gusto, which is fun for everyone.  Equality of shaking body parts!  Shaking body parts for all!

UPDATE: My friend Brian sent me this amazing video that made by (of course) Lonely Islands ft. Robyn. They demonstrate that I was not the first person in the world to observe the "lemmings on the dance floor" phenomenon: