Are you superstitious?


I have always considered myself to not be very superstitious. Then I started thinking about all the little things my brain does and I realized that maybe I am very superstitious? Or maybe I just like patterns a lot and STILL have the overactive imagination of my childhood.

Here are the things I do that, at least from the outside, seem kind of superstitious:

When I'm walking on sidewalks I like to try to always step on the cracks or never step on the cracks or take the same number of steps per square, which is always impossible, so then I try to create a repeating pattern of steps.

I used to always try to pee faster than the microwave, when I would microwave things as a kid. Now I am very fast at peeing.

Holding my breath: over bridges, and through tunnels. Not the best idea while I'm the driver.

Remember as a kid, twisting the stem off an apple and counting the alphabet along with it to "find out" the first initial of the person you'd marry? I still do that. Not so much for its predictive powers, but because doing that trained me to not like eating apples with stems, and then I just automatically start doing the alphabet without even thinking about it. Perhaps I should start charting my results?

Making wishes when I blow out my candles.

When driving alone: have the keys ready and get in the car super fast before anyone (human or vampire) can grab my feet from under the car.

One day when I get married, I want to sit down at the exact same moment as my new husband at the reception, so that we die at the same time. (So romantic.)

I have, however, defeated the following superstitions! I no longer:

Sleep with my neck covered to protect myself from vampires or ghosts.

Walk into the bathroom cautiously first thing in the morning in case Bloody Mary is in the mirror.

Run up the basement steps in case a ghost is chasing me. (Usually.)

Check the back seat of a car for psychokillers before getting in to drive away. This is stupid though, I am being reckless and should really restart that practice.

Oh, and I walk under ladders like it's nobody's business. Because, screw you, safety!

What are your weird superstitions? What did you used to believe that you don't anymore?


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Inspiration! Roundup: Paper microorganisms, prints of Palestine, wear a heart

This Week's "I want to go to there":
Still thinking about The Resistance.
Smile

This ever one of the most beautiful things I've encountered this week. Hit play and listen while you scroll through the rest of this post.


Prints of Palestine

Palestinian clothing designer Natalie Tahhan is bringing traditional Palestinian embroidery to modern clothing design. Love it!

Rogan Brown's Paper Art

I have a big, warm place in my heart or paper art as it is, and this work by Rogan Brown blows me away. He mimics patterns and motifs from the natural world, creating mega-detailed paper art that resembles microorganisms.



Stand with Bandcamp

Have some music you want to buy? Buy it off Bandcamp on Friday and all their proceeds will go to the ACLU! Isn't it heartening to hear about all the corporations that are taking stands in their own way? From Starbucks' commitment to hire 10,000 refugees to smaller companies like Bandcamp donating proceeds. Hey, it feels weird for this anti-establishment, anti-consumerism gal to high five corporate America, but they are doing something good! It's good!

Wear a Heart

One of my favourite bloggers, Swiss Miss, was photographed with a giant heart outside Trump Towers. She posted this on her own blog suggesting that maybe she just walk around holding that heart for the entire trump administration. Not a bad idea.

A photo posted by Jordan (@jorbot3000) on


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This Week in Church: Vocation, climbing mountains, and the Daily Examine

Welcome to the series wherein I share my take-aways from church. The things that, I think, are beneficial to all of us to know or think about, whether or not we believe in any church-related things.


This week in church we talked about vocation.

Vocation is different than occupation or career or hobbies or whatever. Vocation as in "who are you and what work should you do in the world?" It's kind of a tricky concept, but one that seems to hold a deep truth. Here are some notes that I wrote down from service that helped illuminate the concept for me:

-Who am I now and who do I want to be?

-What are the trails of curiosity in my life? Do I follow them? What happens when I do? Why don't I?

-"Vocation is who we are trying to happen." -I didn't jot down the person who said this! Sorry!

-"Listen to your life. See it for the fathomless mystery it is. In the boredom and pain of it no less than the excitement and gladness... In the last analysis, all moment are key moments and life itself is grace." -Buchner (emphasis added)

-The pastor told a story of a man who, upon his death, was so worried God would ask him why he wasn't more like other great leaders who came before him, but the question was actually "Why didn't you be [insert his name here]?" So, then of course I get to ask ourselves - am I being Andrea? If no, why not?

This week in church we talked about climbing mountains.

We sing a song regularly with a line that regularly resonates with me: "I will climb this mountain with my hands wide open."

This week, while singing those words, I had a vision of all the women and peacekeepers of the world, marching up the mountain of fascism, sexism, racism, and loss together, with our hands open to the hope and help ahead. We've got a mountain to climb as we resist the darkness in the world, but we can do it together! We can do it with help.

This week in church we talked about Daily Examine.

I've thought about, and probably written about, this idea before, but it's come into my life again so I'll usher it right through into yours: The Daily Examine. This is a practice where, every day, you reflect on what brought you joy/life that day and what took joy/life that day. Do it every day for a couple of months and then have a look back and see what your trends are.

In my year of self-reflection, this seems like a perfect addition.


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Cute! Roundup: Bum hugs, George the Rescue Wombat, jerboas, and more!

In true cat fashion, Gertie found the least convenient place for her to sit in the house.

Why do cats always sit on your clothes? And other cute things like bear hugs, jerboas, and crabs eating!

Other Cuteness:

Bear hugs/bum hugs.

George the Rescue Wombat bonds with his caretaker.

A crabby eater (so delicate!)

Jerboa: an animal you've never heard of that is super adorable!

Otter plays dead.


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Singalong! Quiet by MILCK (with the GW Sirens and Capital Blend)

Pretty much the most beautiful thing that came out of the Women's March last weekend.


QUIET
by MILCK with the GW Sirens and Capital Blend

Put on your face
Know your place
Shut up and smile
Don’t spread your legs
I could do that

But no one knows me no one ever will
If I don’t say something, if I just lie still
Would I be that monster, scare them all away
If I let the-em hear what I have to say

I can’t keep quiet, no oh oh oh oh oh oh
I can’t keep quiet, no oh oh oh oh oh oh
A one woman riot, oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

I can’t keep quiet
For anyone
Anymore

Cuz no one knows me no one ever will
If I don’t say something, take that dry blue pill
They may see that monster, they may run away
But I have to do this, do it anyway
I can’t keep quiet, no oh oh oh oh oh oh
I can’t keep quiet, no oh oh oh oh oh oh
A one woman riot, oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh I can’t keep quiet

Let it out Let it out
Let it out now
There’ll be someone who understands
Let it out Let it out
Let it out now
Must be someone who’ll understand
Let it out Let it out
Let it out now
There’ll be someone who understands
Let it out Let it out
Let it out now

I can’t keep quiet



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Oh Keto, why can't I quit you? (Oh wait, yes I can! BYE!)

I have a very, very, very exciting announcement. Please read the next sentence in a voice of operatic enthusiasm.

I quit keto! Eating bread is just so good.

I quit keeeetooooooooooooo!

Yes, that's right. I am a quitter. A QUITTER! And I couldn't be happier. I have actually been in a super good mood all week, and I attribute that to carbs.

Why did I quit with only one week to go in my month-long commitment?

Mostly because I hated it so so so much. Now, this is not entirely keto's fault. I am a vegetarian who is out from 9am-9pm at least 3 days a week, if not more, so I was set up for failure. Bringing enough keto-friendly food with me to last the entire day was not feasible, and there is precious little in the way of on-the-go keto food that is a) easy to find, b) quick to eat, and c) vegetarian. I simply was not eating enough.

Literally, when I'd go from work to dance class or a show, I wound up generally chowing down a cheese stick and then having a tea where half the cup was full of heavy cream so that I felt full. Then I'd get home and have a spoonful of peanut butter to cap off the day.

Not. Enough. Food.

Plus, I was getting really really really sick of the food I was eating, which is actually weird for me. I don't really get sick of food. I have eaten peanut butter nearly every single day for my entire life (which is why I am terrified that I will one day have a child who is allergic to peanuts - what a terrible choice this will be, between peanut butter and my child). I worked at a movie theatre for two years and never got sick of popcorn. I DON'T GET SICK OF THINGS.

Yet I would stare at my keto salad, full of things that I think are truly delicious, and just feel zero desire to eat it. I wasn't even excited to eat cheese. CHEESE!!!!!

Plus, I lost ten pounds. On one hand, great! I had put on about ten pounds in the past year through eating crap all the time. On the other hand, ten pounds in three weeks because you are miserable and not really eating? I don't know, it just didn't seem good. Or sustainable.

Now, I don't want to knock keto completely. For some people it's great. For my boyfriend's sister's husband (is there a better way to say that? Brother-in-dating? That sounds weird), it's really helpful. He has trouble identifying when he's full and stopping eating, and so a diet that reduces his desire to eat (while letting him chow down on bacon and other delicious things) is perfect. Great! It's obviously also great for people who are diabetic or (apparently) suffer from epilepsy or tumours. Great! Keto on!

Not me, guys. Not me.


(If you're curious, I still intend to eat relatively-keto for my breakfast and lunch - I won't count anything, but I'll stick to low carb, high fat foods. Since my boyfriend is still on the keto wagon, when we eat dinner together that will also be keto. I am also restricting my junk food intake, because that was truly out of control. But I now have freedom to eat so many other foods when I'm out and about, and I am SO EXCITED for sandwiches and poutine and popcorn and FRUIT.)


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Learning! Roundup: Smart octopi, vampire bats, no more fillings, alchemy, and more!

Learning! Roundup: the intelligence of an octopus, bats drink human blood, alzheimer meds fix teeth, metallic hydrogen, and more

The Intelligence of an Octopus

Aside from the indisputable fact that they grow into giants and take down pirate ships, what do we know about octopi? Turns out they are super smart, but because the most recent common ancestor they share with humans is somewhere around the first dinosaurs, their cognition has emerged in a very different way than ours. "They are probably the closest we will come to meeting an intelligent alien." COOL!

Vampire Bats

Bats are now feasting on human blood. Just so you know.

End of Fillings

Dentist visits might start getting a little more pleasant, since scientists have realized that Alzheimer's medication helps teeth regrow. Turns out, teeth only stop growing because we produce an enzyme (GSK-3) that prevents dentine from forming as we get older. Soaking a sponge in Tideglusib (an Alzheimer's medication) and putting in the cavity of a tooth that is decaying suppresses that enzyme and then the tooth starts to heal itself!

Hold Off on the Pot

As Canada (and many other countries) start to play around with legalizing marijuana, more research is emerging over its effects. One new study shows that holding off on trying it out until you're 17 is a good idea. Those who start smoking pot at 14 were less likely to finish school and more likely to score poorly on cognitive exams, compared to those who started at 17 and showed no difference from non-smoking peers.

Alchemy!

Harvard scientists have turned hydrogen into metal. To a layperson like myself, this falls under the "cool" category. Apparently, to people who understand the implications of things, this falls under the "revolution" category: "metallic hydrogen could theoretically revolutionise technology, enabling the creation of super-fast computers, high-speed levitating trains and ultra-efficient vehicles and dramatically improving almost anything involving electricity."

Wow. Okay, then. More than cool. (Although some physicists are already saying, "it's probably not metallic hydrogen. Calm yourselves.")


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After the March


Last weekend was so beautiful, wasn't it? We marched, we stood, we shouted, and we revelled in the unity of men and women around the world who believe that women's rights matter.

Then, one might say everything got trampled over with a handful of executive orders that I'm not even going to link to because it makes me too sad.

So the question we must all be asking is "what's next?"

LISTEN UP!

First thing, for anyone who looks like me, let's remember our role as white allies and fighters. Let's not forget the history of racism as it intersects with feminism nor sit back and let things continue now that we've "said our piece."

If someone is talking to you about something they are afraid about, or a problematic thing that's happening in our protest culture, hear them out.

Reasons:




Look up some photos from the Women's March and compare those to what happened during the race-related protests last summer. The difference is riot gear vs. selfies in pussy hats. We were treated differently.

If you ask me, the absolute best thing Jesus ever said was to love our neighbour as ourselves. So even if something isn't impacting you, listen to your neighbours, whether they are your neighbours to the South, your neighbours with a different skin colour, your neighbours with a different religion, or whatever. Listen and love! (And remember, as DC Talk said, "love is a verb", so then you do something.)

LEARN AND READ!

Check out this graphic essay on the lessons the Civil Rights Movement can teach us now. It's so so so good. Read the whole thing. My main takeaways: be brave (put yourself on the line), be specific (don't protest TRUMP, protest specific policies and practices that make a difference), be prepared (learn and train in protest history, philosophy, and tactics), be faithful (both in not giving up and in being backed by a faith/philosophy bigger than yourself), retain joy and dignity, don't worry about agreeing on everything.

Read historical protesters like bell hooks and Malcolm X and Martin Luther King Jr. Read new writers like Ta-Nehisi Coates and Helene Cixous. Read from perspectives that aren't your own.

If you have a question about something going on in the protest, read about it. Google is your friend. Read from the perspective of those affected by the issue.

GET TRAINING!

There is all sorts of training that might be valuable to the coming years. Get your First Aid certification (hey, we should all do this anyway). Mental Health First Aid - that's a thing, at least in Canada. Update yourself on emergency and non-emergency lines in your area and who to contact if you need help (this might include your local women's shelters, your city's non-emergency report line, a nurse's hotline, etc.)

Train in bystander intervention, protest techniques, or how to recognize when someone is manipulating you.

Learn about media literacy. Even if you consider yourself a wizened skeptic. Read this letter from a journalist in Russia to get an idea of what to expect in American press.

DON'T FORGET YOUR VALUES!

This is the best tip I've seen, posted in this excellent article by The Span of My Hips: write things down.

Write down what things you would never do, to remind yourself never to do them when the time arises. Write down things that aren't normal or aren't okay in society to check against when news stories come up. Keep a running note tracking hate crimes.

Our sense of what is normal is very vulnerable to circumstances - a psychological reality that abusers and dictators are very good at taking advantage of. RIGHT NOW, take a look at the world and think about a few categories (health, safety, privacy, education, equal rights) and write down what you think is normal and acceptable standards in these areas. This list may come in handy when you start to slip into thinking that something is okay.


CONTINUE TO STAND UP!

It felt good to march on Saturday. It felt good to be united and to know I was putting myself out there. Guess what? There is more marching to do. Here in Vancouver, there is a march coming up for DTES Women, who have historically been hunted, killed, and abused with nary a word.

What are the issues in your city? Stand with those.

Write letters, or better yet, call your representatives on the phone. I know, I know. We hate using our phones and talking to an actual stranger about something we believe in is SCARY. Well, too bad. Losing our rights and giving in to a dictator is scarier. I have heard from several people who worked in MP offices that emails and letters are easily ignored, not phone calls.

If you have money, donate it! Go big and donate to Planned Parenthood (looks like they're going to need it), or find a local organization that is fighting the good fight.

NEVER, EVER STOP!

Okay, here's where it gets overwhelming. If I think about everything that needs help - well, it's impossible! There are causes related to Indigenous rights, racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, science, the environment, animal rights, torture, babies, plus all the intersections between all these things.

How am I supposed to do this? This is too much!

First of all, let's breathe.

Second, you're right. It's too much. Yet, change doesn't come if people march once and then go back to bingeing on Netflix.

In my opinion, we have to pick our causes AND remain flexible and open to all. Pick something to pour most of your protest-related attention and resources into, just don't let that shut you down to caring about other causes. You want to pour your attention into protecting women's reproductive rights? Great! Sometimes that means showing that women who care about reproductive rights also care about Black Lives or Indigenous Rights. Or at the very least, listening and supporting your sisters and brothers who are fighting their fight as you fight your own.

I suggest a two-pronged approach to picking your causes: what are you most passionate about? Where is help most needed? Now reverse the importance of those two questions. Start where the need is.

REMEMBER THE REST OF THE WORLD EXISTS!

While it is completely understandable that the "Western" world is getting fired up and marching for women's rights after the Trump election. It hits really really close to home when this stuff starts happening in America. Don't forget, though, that atrocities worse than this are happening all over the world.

You know all those comparisons between Trump and Putin? That's because THIS STUFF HAS BEEN GOING ON THERE FOR A LONG TIME. Remember when a school full of little girls were kidnapped in Nigeria? Remember how female genital mutilation is still a thing in a LOT of places? Remember Malala?

If you've got money, donate to causes that help women across the world, not just in America. If you don't have money, make sure to let your representatives know that you care about women around the world, not just in your backyard.

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!

Last night my friend and I were talking about how sometimes you have to choose between being informed and being sane. Turn off Facebook for a while. Spend time in nature. Take a bath. Do something that makes you feel good. Treat yo self.

The causes will literally never stop, but that doesn't mean you have to let them constantly wear you down. Find the things that allow you to rest your heart, mind, and soul, and do them.

Start by doing them for five minutes a day (like my five minute art-making therapy), if you don't feel like you have time for more. That's still five minutes of rest you wouldn't have otherwise had.



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Me & Ryan Gosling that time we tried to start a family dance troupe

People have gone crazy for those videos of Ryan Gosling back when he was a dance student in shiny silver pants, but that wasn't his first foray into joining a dance team. Way back in the day, we teamed up with my siblings and cousins to form a family dance troupe! We were gonna be STARS - but then the rest of us decided that was way too much work and left it to Ryan, who carried the torch like a champ.

Did you know that Ryan Gosling and I tried to form a dance group with my siblings and cousins in the 90s? Didn't quite work out.



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You say "Let's Talk" about depression and mental health? Cool, then let's get into it. #BellLetsTalk

It's Bell #LetsTalk day. Let's talk about how honest friendship is one of the keys to surviving depression.

Today is Bell's "Let's Talk" day, where people are supposed to talk about mental illness and remove stigma and promote Bell Mobility and how great is that?

Of course, all that really happens today is that my twitter feed gets filled with people saying things like, "It's okay to talk about mental illness", "Let's remove stigma around mental illness", and "If you need help, I am here for you."

What the heck does that even mean?

I'm not going to get too critical of these symbolic awareness days because while none of them necessarily "change" anything, they are helpful to some people. From Pink Shirt Day to this, spending a day publicly declaring support and allyship is not a bad thing.

However, as someone who "suffers from mental illness" (I guess? I mean, I'm on antidepressants and have struggled with depression my whole life, but I don't know if I would say I "suffer" or even that I identify with the "mental illness" tag, but then maybe that's part of the problem), I'll tell you that seeing people talk on Twitter about how accepting they are of mental illness did not make me feel better about bringing up my depression.

What DID make me feel okay about dealing with my depression openly?

Having people who a) know and love me, b) who are honest about their own emotional lives, and c) who don't freak out when words like "depression" come up.

a) Sure, I'm a writer-type who is weirdly honest with strangers on the internet, but ultimately the thing that makes it feel "okay" is to have people know me for who I actually am and still care about me.

b) If you want to live in a world where people can be honest about what they're going through, be honest about what you're going through. I don't know if it's because most of my friends are either artists, spiritual types, or both, but I am blessed with a community who is into self-reflection and shares very honestly about where they're at in life. Openness breeds openness.

c) Freaking out looks like you needing to get to the bottom of my depression, solve it, see me cry, be convinced it's 'really that bad', be only able to talk about this from now on, pretend it doesn't exist, or being afraid to touch the topic because now you think I'm a delicate snowflake that will poof into tears. Not freaking out looks like talking to me like a normal person, about this and other things.

This is how you remove stigma.

If you ask me, the first and most important thing everyone should be doing to remove the stigma of mental illness is to start being more honest about our own lives. Nobody is going to feel comfortable sharing their dark underbelly if you are pretending yours is not only scrubbed clean but made out of some super dirt-repelling magical skin of purity.

Foster a community that is honest about life by being open about your own. It will only be okay for people to discuss their depression, schizophrenia, or everyday struggles (problems don't need to be diagnosable to be valid) if they see it happening around them.

Pick the people you know, love, and trust, and share where you're at, what help you need, how you're dealing (or not). It doesn't matter if your problems are huge or small, you'll all benefit from friendship that is closer and more intentional, as well as the knowledge that the people who love you actually love YOU, not just your happy, fun persona.

The more you practice open and honest conversations, the more comfortable you'll all be and the less likely the "freaking out" will be. Don't stress about "getting it right" if your friend starts talking about their mental illness. Listen. Ask questions if you don't understand. Remember that they are still the same person.



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Inspiration! Roundup: Obvious happiness, 7 billion days, Celine Dion, and more!

This Week's "I want to go to there":
Can I dress EXACTLY like this (but in my adult self), sit down with this girl
and have an ice cream bar? While protesting for women's rights? This is the dream.

12 Very Obvious Facts That Will Make You Happy

They say it's the little things in life, and sometimes we need reminders of what those "little things" are. Here's a list to help you do that.

Something Different

It's easy to get caught up in what is happening in our lives. Thank you to PostSecret for the reminder that something different is happening in someone else's life. In fact, there are 7 billion "something differents" happening right now.


As if I Could Love Celine Dion More...

...she goes and turns down the invitation to sing at Trump's inauguration. (So did a bunch of other singers, too.) It's always heartening to see people standing up for their beliefs, especially when their beliefs happen to match your beliefs.

Darkness is the Canvas

Artist Hannu Hutamo creates the most stunning in-camera art using light and darkness. The most incredible part of this to me is his ability to visualize the image in the darkness, creating surprisingly intricate pictures, one flash of light at a time. How does he even keep track of it all???


How to Grow

My yoga teacher posted an excellent piece on Facebook recently, countering our tendency to constantly affirm everything. Affirmations are great, but when you're trying to improve, perhaps you need something different.

Below is an abridged version of what he posted, which is still a bit long for a blog quote, but stick with me. Read it through, even if you don't care about yoga at all. The principles apply to everything we could possibly want to succeed in: relationships, spiritual practices, career, whatever. We don't grow, improve, or succeed by only focusing on the things that we are already doing well.

Affirmation?

When diagnosing an issue with your car, a leak in your roof, or consumer debt, we don't focus on the positive. If you car stops running, you don't tell yourself the seats are comfortable anyway...

So, when trying to become more successful (which to me means competent and also well compensated for your time), in the business of yoga, it is not always the best course to affirm the things/behaviours that are not problems.
The question "Am I a good yoga teacher" is too broad to be helpful. Instead, break the general question into components.

"Good" breaks down into:

Agreeable personality, but able to encourage disciplined practice.
Conscientious - showing up on time, self-practice dedication.
Skill - verbal cueing and observation skills.

Honest self-reflection to improve areas of teaching that necessary, yet not your strong suit...

You could then place a value (1-10) to indicate your level of "goodness" within these categories. Then take the category with the lowest score and break that category down into further components. For example:

Conscientiousness:
Shows up on time - 10
Regular self-practice - 8
Reading/study - 4
Listens well and responds to critique - 8

These are just examples, and there are more sub-categories you could think up and score - or better yet ask someone who knows you to tell you.

Then take your lowest score (Reading/study as an example here) and ask yourself if you are not high in that category because you don't have time, it doesn't interest you, you think you already know what you need to know, and so on. Then determine if you really want to change that - when you think about it, do you get energized or depleted? - that's usually a good indicator...

This is what you can do on your own to maximize your potential.

-Daniel Clement (full text here)
I'm going to start applying this principle of reflection to other areas of my life! I am excited!

Shut it Down

I didn't even know this was a thing, but apparently, people like to go to Holocaust memorial sites and take fun-loving, silly pictures of themselves. Artist and writer Shahak Shapira was up on this insanity and thought of a brilliant way to shut it down: she has photoshopped them with the historical images from the Holocaust in that spot to help show how offensive and horrible it is. Some of the images are pretty brutal, but really worth looking at.

9 Good Things That Happened Last Week

Just because it's good to remember some good things, like the fact that some people knit sweaters for elephants to keep warm.


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#AlternativeFacts: Jump on in!

I am pretty stoked about this whole #alternativefacts thing. We all now have a method, sanctioned by the US President himself, to morph reality into any shape we want!

What are we waiting for? Let's stop worrying about what is actually happening in the world - saying the world is how we want it to be is obviously much much better.

(Don't know what I'm talking about with this alternative facts thing? Here you go. HINT: It's about Donald Trump.)

A photo posted by Tim O'Brien (@obrienillustration) on


As far as I can tell, all it takes is a willingness to state your heart's desires as facts and then defend them without acknowledging any actual arguments against you. That's it. You don't even have to provide a logical defence. Just say things like, "well, that's your opinion", "that's fake", "you have no sources to back you up" (note: it's very important that it doesn't matter how many sources they actually have), or a simple, "WRONG."

Then BLAMMO! The world is yours!

I mean, we're practically there with all the super-filtered photos and "insta"gram shots that took 30 minutes to stage, anyways. #Alternativefacts are a dump truck that just happens to be driving by the building at the same time as we fall off the roof because we were trying to take a selfie where it looked like we were flying.

Don't worry, it will carry us away and there will be no injuries, because in #alternativefact-land, there are no repercussions!

SOME TIPS:

Grab photos from anywhere. Absolutely anywhere. Use them to make it look like you're on a sweet vacation or dating a rock star. Who cares if they show up on the first page of Google Image searches and are obviously not yours? Not you! Google was hacked by Russia.

Start small to practice your #alternativefact skills. How was your morning today? Great! You woke up, with no need for an alarm, feeling perfectly rested and spent a bit of time in grateful contemplation of the gift of life before getting up for some yoga and then quickly paint a picture of the mountains out your window, because they are just so inspiring in the morning light. Then you took a quick call from Steven Spielberg and turned down replacing Tom Cruise in the Matrix reboot because you're focusing on your relationship with your model/scholar partner right now. See how quickly that ballooned to insane proportions of wrongness?

Once your comfortable embellishing your everyday life, go big. Win a Nobel Prize, invent post-it notes, direct a movie, have a net worth of 50 trillion dollars. The bank doesn't know what it's talking about, if you feel like 50 trillion dollars, you ARE 50 trillion dollars.

Don't stop with just yourself! The world is your oyster! Maybe the world IS an oyster? No, that would be cramped and smelly. But maybe the nation of Peru sprouted wings and flew into space. Maybe unicorns are stampeding through Calgary. Maybe Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds is coming true. Maybe global warming is reversing. Maybe women can just decide not to get pregnant. Maybe women are actually treated like equals and maybe racism finally disappears and colonialism is joyously dismantled by all and we live in perfect harmony and everyone has a kitten and clean drinking water.

Never, EVER let yourself see the contrast between your #alternativefacts world and reality. I just got reallllly bummed out because I dreamed too big while still letting my brain stay connected to the real world.

Sigh.

Image Source: xkcd



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Cute! Roundup: Piglet jump, tiny things, and a dog who thinks he's people

Gertie loves playing games, even when she gets a little sleepy sometimes.

Cute! Roundup for the week includes a game-playing cat, jumping piglets, tiny tiny bunnies and turtles, and a doggy dog.

Other Cuteness:

It's the piglet leg jump!

Can you even SEE the bunny in this picture? It's so tiny!

More tiny things: little bitty turtles. They are so BITTY!

This dog is serious about his banking business.


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