Singalong! A Better Son/Daughter by Rilo Kiley

There is something incredibly empowering about being able to listen to the song that, in the depths of your depression, broke you down into a sobbing mess every single time you even thought about it, without turning into a puddle of brokenness.

I don't know if anyone else has had this experience, but the song A Better Son/Daughter by Rilo Kiley used to kill me. The lyrics drove directly into the heart of what it was like for me in my depression - feeling hopeless, lost, and empty, but forcing myself to put on a smile and get through each day - that I could barely stand to think about it.

I learned to avoid the song like the plague (but never actually deleted it from my iTunes, because why would I do that? Also a friend that I was secretly in love with put it on a mix CD for me, so I was holding onto that forever), skipping it every single time I heard those first drum beats and doing my best to banish it to the edges of my consciousness. So when it came up on a Spotify playlist today I instinctively skipped ahead - and then I realized something magical: I am not struggling with depression anymore! Or at least, not that particular kind of depression (I am, after all, on antidepressants, so I guess I have to be real about that). I can listen to this song, and while I feel that pull of remembered feelings, they don't crush me. Guys! The feelings didn't crush me!

A BETTER SON/DAUGHTER

by Rilo Kiley

Sometimes in the morning I am petrified and can't move

Awake but cannot open my eyes

And the weight is crushing down on my lungs I know I can't breathe

And hope someone will save me this time

And your mother's still calling you insane and high

Swearing it's different this time

And you tell her to give in to the demons that possess her

And that God never blessed her insides

Then you hang up the phone and feel badly for upsetting things

And crawl back into bed to dream of a time

When your heart was open wide and you loved things just because

Like the sick and the dying

And sometimes when you're on, you're really fucking on

And your friends they sing along and they love you

But the lows are so extreme that the good seems fucking cheap

And it teases you for weeks in it's absence

But you'll fight and you'll make it through

You'll fake it if you have to

And you'll show up for work with a smile

You'll be better you'll be smarter

And more grown up and a better daughter

Or son and a real good friend

You'll be awake and you'll be alert

You'll be positive though it hurts

And you'll laugh and embrace all your friends

You'll be a real good listener

You'll be honest, you'll be brave

You'll be handsome, you'll be beautiful

You'll be happy

Your ship may be coming in

You're weak but not giving in

To the cries and the wails of the valley below

Your ship may be coming in

You're weak but not giving in

And you'll fight it you'll go out fighting all of them...

Image Source: Randi Fukunaga, Wikimedia Commons

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