Side butt? REALLY?

I was just looking up some stupid fitspiration images, you know, so that I can feel terrible about everything (ding ding! It worked!), and I saw one that just made me want to slither off my chair and puddle up on the floor because if this is what's happening in the world, I might as well just give up.


I came across the image on a post criticizing the over-sexualization of fitspiration images, so that's at least a good thing, but they didn't MAKE this picture.  They just used it as an example of a typical fitspiration image.

I am not even going to care about the sexiness factor right now.  Here's my main issue: SIDE BUTT?  Really???  Are you serious that I'm now supposed to be parsing my butt into different portions, name them, care about them, and do special exercises for each one to make it as good as possible?  What even IS side butt?  Is it the side of your butt?  Like your hips?  I know what my hips are.  Or the part in between your hips and the main back portion?  Like an eighth of my butt on either side?  Is it the view of your butt from the side?  What the HECK is side butt?

I already am supposed to care about my toenails, toes, the bottoms of my feet, ankles (cankles), calves, inner and outer thighs (saddle bags!), under-butt area, butt, muffin top, back fat, lower tummy pouch, waistline, underboob, side boob, cleavage, shoulders (side and back), and neck.  Not to mention all the different parts of my face that each require different magical potions and blood sacrifices and toning exercises so that they never ever change from their glorious shape when I was 24 (except that I still had bad skin then, so not when I was 24?  I can't go younger, the skin just gets worse.)

Now you're adding side butt to this list?

This is actually just exhausting.  It's so exhausting.  It's too exhausting.  I can't do it.  I can't care about my side butt and do eight special exercises specifically geared at optimizing the sexual sexiness of that part of my body that I don't even know what it is.

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