Focus Group: What Do You Need to Hear Most?

What is the one thing you always need to hear? To breathe? That you are beloved? To be fierce? That you are enough?
Photo by Robin Benzrihem.

I asked a few pals what the one thing is that they need to hear the most these days. What they would tattoo on their arm just for the daily reminder or what is their secret, comforting motto.

Here is what they (and I) had to say:

Keri:

I want to get a tattoo - one on each inner wrist. I think I want one to say “breathe” and the other to say “beloved”. I need to be reminded that I should be slow to anger and to not react out of my past baggage. I also need to be reminded that I am loved, by my husband, but most importantly by God. And that that is sealed and will never be taken from me.

But at this stage of life, I honestly need to hear “thank you” a ton. At normal jobs, you get accolades, raises, and employee of the month for doing a good job. Being a mom you get... nothing. Don’t get me wrong, it warms my heart when my son says I love you to me, but it is rare (though they are working on it and already are much better!) that someone says thanks for the jobs I’m doing, as mundane as they are. It may sound stupid to say “thank you much for cleaning the bathroom! It looks great in there and smells so nice.” But it means the world to a mom of two.

Alison:

Obviously “feros ferio” or “Fierce with the fierce”. The family motto I want to live by.

Me:

In general, for life, it would be the simple statement of "you are enough." My lifelong struggle is with feeling like I am somehow broken or deficient or somehow not enough. That I need to compensate and cover up. I have largely worked through this and know that those old beliefs about my insufficiency are not true, but that doesn't mean they don't like to stroll into my brain sporting a fake mustache every once in a while and see how long they can make themselves at home before I recognize them for what they are and kick them out. A weekly, daily, or perhaps hourly reminder that I am enough would certainly help.

Also, "life is long"; I don't need to accomplish it all right now.


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