So, Oprah had her last show yesterday. Ever.
It feels weird for me to even mention it because I haven't really watched Oprah since I was in grade 5, but back then I used to watch her all the time. Sitting in the living room pretending/trying to do my homework while watching TV and arguing with my Mom that I could totally watch TV and do homework at the same time, while actually realizing that I wasn't getting any homework done at all and my Mom was right but being unwilling to back down because that's what it means to be a preteen.
Now I feel a little like maybe I should have watched her more. Like maybe I was taking her for granted or something? Except it's not like she's leaving our lives, is it? She's bought her own network, y'all. This is because she found out a long time ago that you can better run the world through TV than being any kind of politician and she is probably either the second coming of Christ (a few days late!) or the Antichrist*.
I'm pretty sure there will be a lot of Oprah reruns on that network for the first little while because it's got to be hard to fill an entire TV schedule with your token celebrity advice-givers, so I can still make my amends. Except that I won't because I don't even know what channel her network is on and can't be bothered to find out.
New invention for the internet: whenever someone types a question into an email or blog post, some little app-like-bug-thing searches everywhere and finds the answer to that question. Bonus points for inserting the answer into my email or blog post, making me seem way smarter than I actually am. Disregard for the fact that this is a super creepy invasion of privacy because this is the internet, and did you even bother watching The Net with Sandra Bullock? We knew from the beginning that the internet was the beginning of the end**.
*Oh my word why did I say that now the internet is going to kill me for calling Oprah the Antichrist. I don't actually think she's the Antichrist, I promise! I just think that she's got a lot of power and could choose to become the Antichrist if she wanted to but she is probably just an angel sent to prepare the way by making us get used to crying at least once a day.
**Maybe the internet itself is the Antichrist? I mean, does the Bible specify anywhere that the Antichrist is a person? I'm pretty sure there's just vaguely demonic/animalistic references, right?