This Week in Church: The Bible and Jay Z

Welcome to the series wherein I share my take-aways from church. The things that, I think, are beneficial to all of us to know or think about, whether or not we believe in any church-related things.


This week in church we talked about what the Bible really is.

We think of the Bible as a book because it's all bound together and looks like a book, but maybe it's better to think of it as a library, since it contains multiple authors, genres, and perspectives, like libraries do.

The pastor also went on to suggest that the Bible is the story of God's redemption in the midst of struggle, which is a beautiful way to look at it, don't you think? Now, he made the point that the Bible is a unified story of God's redemption in the midst of struggle, which I don't think really jives with the whole "library" thing - a collection of books on a theme don't have a unified story arch.

Here's what I like: I like the idea of a librarian who is really into books about one theme. In this case, the theme is God's hand in the lives of this particular group of people (Israelites) and then the outfall for another group (followers of Jesus). So the librarian collects everything she can find on the topic: poetry, science fiction, histories, legal documents, letters, and anecdotal stories.

Sure, all the documents are connected by a theme, and could even be arranged into something of a story arch, but they are ultimately individual accounts.

I like this approach a lot. If I'm in a library looking at a mystery novel and a self-help book, I wouldn't expect a line in the mystery novel to explain a chapter in the self-help book; that would be silly. I might, however, read a line in a mystery novel that drops into my heart in the a way that the chapter in the self-help book didn't, thus illuminating the entire concept of that self-help chapter, opening it up for me to really dig in.

This week in church we talked about the uncomfortable contradictions in the Bible.

The Bible has been used to justify slavery, sexism, and ethnic cleansing. It's also been used to empower the weak and inspire resistance, charity, and social change. You can find both the poison and the cure in the Bible.

There was a long and excellent quote by someone named Peter Enns that I didn't write down. It basically says, "what if the Bible is just fine the way it is, with its messy, troubling, and weird bits? What if we don't have to 'make it work' or smooth over any of that stuff that feels yucky? What if the problem isn't the Bible, but what we expect from it?"

If you expect a perfectly consistent instruction manual for life, you will probably be disappointed and have to do a lot of work to make it fit. If you expect a collection of stories about God's redemption and attempts at relationship with some humans in a particular time, then maybe the uncomfortable bits can be there, in their context, and teach us something.

This week in church we talked about Jay Z.

The song is called 99 Problems, and it is generally considered to be a very sexist song. I mean, the chorus is, "If you've got girl problems I feel bad for you son, I've got 99 problems and a bitch ain't one." Not super respectful to women, right?

Turns out that, in at least one of the instances, the song is using the term "bitch" to refer to an actual dog.

The second verse talks about a time Jay Z was pulled over (driving while black), and he had drugs hidden in a locked compartment of his car. When he refused to let the police search the car, they called for drug-sniffing dogs, and he knew his goose was cooked. Then, as luck would have it, they took too long and he was let go! As he pulled away, the police van with the dogs in it arrived, so right in the nick of time he avoided the "bitch" of a drug-sniffing dog.

I mean, at the very least Jay Z is still playing off sexism and using it to his advantage, which is probably still at least a little bit sexist. It's an interesting bit of context, though.

Of all the random facts I expected to learn in church, this was not one of them.


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Singalong! Changes by Stars

Familiar beloved music is like comfort food, amiright? One of my favourite comfort bands is Stars - specifically their albums The Five Ghosts and In Our Bedrooms After the War. This is a song that instantly grabbed my heart and feels like warm blanket every time I listen to it (which is funny, because it's not necessarily a comforting song.)


CHANGES
by Stars

This time in between the day and the night
The light kills my sense of life
So scared, I'll turn it on, turn it on, turn it on

It's dull, this dusk, this desk, this dust
My eyes adjust, I'll blow out the flame
Can you and me remain

Changes, I've never been good with change
I hate it when it all stays the same
Caught between the gold and the gain

Changes, I've never been good with change
I hate it when it all stays the same
Caught between the cold and the wave
My heart beats up again

Once said, words make a world of their own
I misread, I can't get you back on the phone
So tired, I'll turn it off, turn it off, turn it off

How's that last week we were whole
You're far away and I hardly know
Can you and me delay

Changes, I've never been good with change
I hate it when it all stays the same
Caught between the gold and the gain

Changes, I've never been good with change
Troubled when it all stays the same
I'm caught between this cold and the wave
My heart beats up again

Are you my trouble
Are you my trouble
Are you my trouble
Trouble

Are you my trouble

Image by Codo on Wikimedia Commons


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Learning! Roundup: The beginning of life, authority vs. facts, glitter bombs, addiction, the worst kind of pregnancy scare, and more!

The oldest traces of life found in Quebec, helping date back the evolution of life
Image Source: Wikimedia Commons

Oldest Traces of Life on Earth Found

A rock was found in Quebec carrying traces of life from as far back as 3.8 billion years. This will help scientists as they look for signs of life around the universe, and continues to close the timeline for when life emerged on our planet. Of course, I've been watching a lot of The X-Files lately, so I just assume that it houses an alien goo-worm that will crawl into our noses and eat our brains.


What Happened to Facts?
"Why did authorities decline and become replaced by facts? In the 17th century the nature of information changed: as information became more reliable, authority became less so. ... We now live in a digital age, in which information becomes fluid and variable. All that was solid has melted into air. In the print world, getting your facts right was about competence and care; now what the facts are depends on what date you access a website, or which website you visit. The nature of information has changed irreversibly."
This brilliant analysis of the history of facts vs. authority, and how one supplants the other, answers a lot of questions about our current lives.

A Nicer Kind of Glitter Bomb

If you read the word "glitter" and shudder, thinking of little flecks of shiny plastic stuck to EVERYTHING, well, you're not alone. That's why Glitter Bombs were invented, as a way of tormenting your enemies.

Well, now you can also use glitter to save the world, with Solar Glitter - a new kind of solar panel that is small, cheap, and effective because it uses small, glitter-like, pieces.

Rethinking Addiction

Check out this five minute video that explains a lot about how addiction really works. The theory is that addiction is simply a symptom of disconnection. Humans are meant to connect to others, but if we don't have people to connect to, then we'll connect to something else: drugs, social media, television, porn, whatever.


Check out the video here, or on Youtube!

Locus of Control

This exercise is presented as something to do with children to help them learn about what they do and don't have control over in life - and then act on what they can control. It sounds great for children, but also great for adults.

Read about it on the Huffington Post to get the full story, but the basic idea is to draw two concentric circles. In the inside circle, write things that you can control (e.g.: my hobbies, my attitude, how I dress, etc.). Then in the outside circle, write things you can't control (e.g.: the weather, what other people think, etc.). Then pick something you can control, and think about ways you can make it better.

Love it!

How to Practice Effectively

This video has been making the rounds on my social media lately. Practice is, of course, something we all know is vitally important to get better at things. Yet, if we don't have a coach or instructor of some kind (or our coach or instructor isn't very good), we aren't great at practicing ourselves.

Working While Black

Wonder what it's like to be on a professional team and be black? Design firm Havas Chicago wanted to demonstrate the realities their black teammates face, and they did it during Black History Month with an obstacle course. Looks brilliant, I wish we could see it all to learn more!


At about 2:40 they get to the how-tos of practicing effectively.

Get Crowded, Think About the Future

New research shows that living in a high-density area causes people to have more future-oriented thinking. Those who live in population-dense centres plan more for the future, invest in longer-term relationships, and wait to have kids. Plus, this correlation is backed up by some experimental data.

Cool, right? I bet living in a more crowded environment forces us to think longer-term because we know there is more competition for resources?

Calorie Burn

Most diet information is based on an assumption that the average person burns about 2,000 calories a day. Well, turns out that most of us burn more, but the estimates will stay the same because we're so bad at estimating our caloric intake, we would overeat like crazy if we knew it was higher.

A True Pregnancy Scare

Ummmmm.... you can get pregnant WHILE YOU'RE ALREADY PREGNANT???? That is just so not fair.


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Why did authorities decline and become replaced by facts? In the 17th century the nature of information changed: as information became more reliable, authority became less so.

Taking Songs Too Seriously: Call Your Girlfriend by Robyn

Let me start by saying how much I love Robyn. If I wanted to show you how much I love Robyn, I would hold my arms out all the way to the sides as far as they go! She is the greatest.

I do not, however, love her song Call Your Girlfriend. Everyone else was obsessed with it because she did some cool dancing in the video, and it's catchy and all, but nobody ever talked about how the song is also kind of the worst. Am I the only one who doesn't actually like it? (Okay, the song is musically great, but the message is terrible!)


First is the very obvious thing that sucks about this song: it's about cheating and dumping. It's sung from the perspective of a girl who is getting with a guy who is in a relationship. That sucks big time. I'm not going to demonize her as some evil "other woman", but that is a bad-news thing for both of them to be doing.

That considered, am I the only person in the world who finds it kind of gross that the new girl is telling the girlfriend how to get over the boyfriend, and that she's doing it through the boyfriend? AND that the advice is so bad? It's like mansplaining, but from a girl to another girl through her cheating boyfriend.

I mean, really: you fall for someone who's in a relationship and they fall for you, too. Fine. To then give these ridiculous platitudes to the the girlfriend is just insulting.

"Tell her not to get upset, second-guessing everything you said and done"

You're seriously going to tell a girl not to get upset after cheating on her and dumping her? REALLY?

Oh, and right, you can just tell someone to not go back over their relationship bit-by-bit and figure out what the hell happened when they've been cheated on. All it takes to stop them from parsing through every conversation and fight figure out where you were lying (and when they should have known something was wrong) is you telling them not to do it. Good one!

"And then when she gets upset tell her how you never meant to hurt no one"

Since when was it comforting that your partner who cheats on you and then dumps you "never mean to hurt no one"? NEVER. If you don't want to hurt someone, then you don't cheat on them. You break up with them in a respectful way and they will still be hurt but not nearly as much because you are treating them like a human.

"Just tell her that the only way her heart will mend is when she learns to love again."

This may be true, but it needs to come from her best friends and mom and counsellor, not YOU saying, "oh, you'll feel better once you meet someone else." WHAT THE HECK???? Nope.

"And it won't make sense right now, but you're still her friend."

No, you're not. Friends don't cheat and then dump. It's not a friendly thing to do. Maybe you want to be friends now to make yourself feel better about the situation, but it's a bad-feeling situation and you just need to live with that.

"And then you let her down easy."

I think that once you've told your girlfriend that you met someone new and are leaving her, you are past the point of letting anyone down easy. That ship has sailed.

"Don't you tell her how I give you something that you never even knew you missed
Don't you even try and explain how it's so different when we kiss"

I just can't even believe that this is advice that would need to be given. "Hey, don't rub it in your girlfriend's face that you are so much more into me than you were ever into her, okay? I know it's the logical thing to do, and any sensible/sensitive person would want to do it, but just hold back for now."

UGH!!!!!

So there is my irrefutable proof that this song is the worst. But don't worry! Robyn has SO MANY beautiful songs that you can listen to instead. So crank one of her much much better songs (Dancing On My Own, Every Heartbeat, Show Me Love, Fembot, Hang With Me, Be Mine!, etc.) and emulate these gifs of her dancing like the awesome person that she is:




Today is International Women's Day!!!

Today is International Women's Day!

My friends who consider me "the most (militant) feminist person they know" will be surprised to find out that I planned all my posts for this week without even realizing that today was going to happen. I mean, I knew today was going to happen in terms of the passage of time, but I didn't remember that it would be International Women's Day. You get it.

So here is a random assortment of observations about today, to try to make up for my gaff:

I am drinking out of my Male Tears mug this morning, mostly because, when I started making my tea, I thought, "I guess I should drink out of my feminist mug."

I am going to work today. I didn't even really consider taking the day off, mostly because I've got a lot to do and I'm taking over management in my company and we are a staff of women (except the boss, who is male), and thus I know women's contributions are very appreciated in my workplace.

I feel guilty about going to work and about not even really considering the alternative. I know this is about more than just my own direct environment, but is a larger issue. Why do I not feel compelled to make this point? Or at least, not in this way? I'm still not sure.

Recently, my boyfriend and I decided to be really extravagant: we hired a friend who was starting a housekeeping business to come in and clean our place once a month. She is now moving away and can't do it anymore. As I thought about potential replacement people, I realized that they are all women. Why aren't there male housecleaners?

I wish I was more chill about traditionally feminine things to freak out about, like the fact that there's a dirty pan on the stove right now. This is, in part, because I hate fulfilling stereotypes. It is also, I'm sure, because "feminine things" are devalued in society and I don't want to associate myself with devalued things.

I had an argument with some coworkers a while ago about gender. Specifically, they were dreaming of a world where gender doesn't exist, and I was (surprisingly) arguing in favour of gender. Not because I'm so in loooove with the construct of gender, but because cognitively our brains REQUIRE to categories in order to function in the world. If we abolish gender, we'll box people in based on something else, and it will be just as destructive. I think we need to just learn not to be assholes about the categories our brains create instead of switching to a new criteria.

The first song that came up on my Spotify playlist today was about waiting for a boy's love and I thought - mmmmm, not today. Luckily I have a "Putting the Grrrrr in Grrrls" playlist! A mixture of old school No Doubt and Lizzo, I'm pretty stoked about this start to the day. Listen with me!

Thinking more about the Women's Day Off Work: some industries would completely shut down if we all didn't work for a day, especially lower-paid, support and domestic work. Others won't even flinch because they have little or no women. Would they even notice or care?

To me one of the main problems is that we, as a society, value roles filled by women lower than those filled by men. Does a house not getting cleaned for a day or a secretary not being present show how vital that role is? I wonder if part of my hesitation about all this is that it doesn't go far enough. Anyone can cover a few extra bases or let something go for a day. What about a week? A month?

What if men didn't work? What would function just fine, and what would fall apart? I think it's easier for people in support roles to step up into management positions than for those in management to step down into support (they don't know how to do the things). That might be interesting.

Have you read Y the Last Man? It's a graphic novel imagining a world where all the men die and suddenly women are left alone on earth (except, of course, one man who somehow survived and is the natural protagonist). It's a pretty interesting exploration of the good and bad that might happen if we suddenly had no men. (Mostly it's bad, in large part because if half the population up and died at once, we'd be in a rather post-apocalyptic situation.)

Finally, a bunch of photos of interesting women. Click on the photos to learn more!

Ida B. Wells
Image Source: Wikimedia

Sally Ride
Image Source: Wikimedia

Frida Kahlo
Image Source: Wikimedia

Miriam Makeba
Image Source: Tom Beetz

Rukmini Devi
Image Source: Wikimedia


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Inspiration! Roundup: Some good news, faces in things, sexy aging, and miniature worlds

This Week's "I want to go to there":
Doesn't this garden house just look like heaven?

Good News

The Week has created a roundup of good news from last week, and it's really really nice to read.

Faces in Things

When I was a kid, I was sure I was the only person in the world who saw faces on the fronts of cars. Big trucks looked angry, sleek cars glared - very few cars were happy, except may the Volkswagen Beetle.

Turns out that EVERYONE sees faces in things, and now there is a wonderful Twitter account collecting pictures that look like faces. Love it.



Age is Sexy

Honestly, I couldn't really decide if I wanted to share this, so I'm going to share it, with my conflicting commentary.

The headline on this article is 56-Year-Old woman Proves You Can Be Sexy No Matter How Old You Are. So, it's good to be reminded that sexiness is not just reserved for youth. FOR SURE. That is inspiring. Seeing a woman, of her own free will, choose to share her body in an empowering way? Also inspiring!

Here's what I don't love about it: while they may be trying to imply that both men and women can be hopeful to remain sexy as they age, it also reinforces that it is important for WOMEN to stay sexy as they age. Also, she is a thin, blonde, traditionally beautiful woman. Is it so shocking that she is sexy? Finally, 56 is NOT THAT OLD!

So this inspires me, and it also annoys me. Behold my conflict.

40 Bags in 40 Days

We are in the season of Lent! If you don't know, Lent is the 40 days in the church calendar that lead up to Easter. It's meant to be a time of self-denial and reflection to contemplate and prepare for the death and resurrection of Jesus. Growing up as a Mennonite, Lent was never a part of my tradition, but I'm starting to come around to seeing its value.

This year for Lent, I am inspired by this 40 Bags in 40 Days practice. I won't quite do what she is doing, but I am going to try to get rid of something every day. Yes, in part this is a home-cleaning project, but it's also a practice of letting go. I don't want to hold onto so much stuff (you can't take it with you, etc etc). For now, it's pretty easy because I have a bunch of things I don't need, but I'm hoping that by the end it will be a bit more challenging. Maybe by the end I'll have to contemplate getting rid of things that I like, or even love.

Miniature Worlds on Animals' Backs

I have come to realize that I post a lot of miniature things in my Inspiration! Roundups. Well, I guess I have a type, because here is another one: artist Song Kang's Vernacular series puts little worlds on the backs of animals and it's SPECTACULAR!

From Song Kang's Vernacular series




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Want to use a natural deodorant? I've tried them all! Here's the smelly truth.

I am, in many ways, a dirty Westcoast hippie: I use baking soda and apple cider vinegar to wash my hair, I shave my legs about twice a year, I make my own skin oil out instead of using store-bought moisturizer, and every summer, I make jam from local berries.

Before you get too impressed/grossed out, I have a confession. In the past year or so, I lost a lot of Dirty Hippie street red.

First, my boyfriend moved in and I permitted him to bring a microwave that I promptly began using on the regular. More importantly, however, I went from using various homemade/rock crystal/natural deodorants to buying conventional antiperspirant. The kind that is packed with heavy metals and death.

I'm SORRY, okay!!! I just borrowed some antiperspirant once in an emergency and realized that you can go an entire day without your armpits getting clammy and smelly and without sweat dripping down your bicep. Yes. That happens. It doesn't even have to be all that hot. The pictures of pretty girls in flowing dresses with flowers in their long, mermaid-like hair don't show the trails of sweat running down her arm. "Oh, it's okay, it's natural to sweat." Yes. It's also natural to die a million deaths.


Listen, being a dirty hippy might be gross to some people, but it gives you a natural sense of superiority ("natural" - get it?), that you are making difficult choices and are more real and pure than everyone else.

So if you are a budding hippy, looking to shun "chemicals"* from your life, I am here to help you navigate the world of natural deodorants. Trust me, I've tried them all.

Now, just to be clear, this analysis is only comparing these deodorants based on their performance against regular, run-of-the-mill, sweat induced from everyday activities. Sweat born out of stress or weeping is its own beast: cruel and pungent. Very little can stand in its way.

Baking Soda: 

DOES NOT WORK. You will smell.

Lemon Juice: 

Works very effectively as a short-term solution to remove stank, but doesn't have a lot of long-term sticking-power.

Corn Starch Mixed With Tea Tree Oil: 

DOES NOT WORK. Your friends will say things like, "oh, does that work?" when they see your bottle of powder on a weekend road-trip and learn that this is your deodorant. They are trying to hint to you smell bad, but they are unwilling to tell you that.

Rock Salt: 

I actually had pretty good results from both the spray and stick varieties. You WILL get the rivers of sweat down your arm, but it won't necessarily smell. The downside of the rock crystal is that you have to get it wet and then stand there rubbing it on your armpit for five minutes. If you drop it, it shatters and then you have pointy shards of salt to sand down and rub on your sensitive pits.

The spray is quicker to apply, but then you start your day on a damp note.

Essential Oils:

What? No. I mean, sure, the scent will cover things up a bit, but it's not going to actually do anything about anything. Plus, what are you using as your carrier? You want an oily pit?

Coconut Oil:

NO! We need to move on from this "let's use coconut oil for EVERTHING on our bodies" movement. Pinterest lies. Coconut oil is great for many things, and deodorizing is not one of them. It's just not that miraculous. I'm sorry. And again with the oily pit.

Other Store-bought Natural Deodorant (like Tom's): 

It's like putting some perfume in your armpit. It covers up the smell okay, it sticks around for most of the day. So long as you don't get stressed or weep too much, you should be left with just the slightest whiff of BO at the end of the day.

Scientific Sweat Relief:

Here's a new one I never tried, for the truly dedicated among us: someone else's armpit sweat. Maybe the new hippie high-five can be an armpit smush? Who wants to give it a shot?

Finally, here is the natural deodorizer's mantra: "We are not meant to smell life flowers all the time. A little body odour is perfectly natural." Repeat this to yourself, your friends, and your mother when they question your life choices.


*Everything is chemical. Like, everything. But it's cool, we know what you mean. Sort of.


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Cute! Roundup: Hazmat Cat, polar bear ice baths, and the most impressive dog you've ever seen

We did some painting the other day (specifically, we painted a WHITE BOARD WALL in our home!!! Drawing on the walls, y'all!), and of course, Gertie had to explore the altered surroundings. Luckily, she did not knock over any paint. She did, however, get temporarily trapped under the drop sheet.

Cuteness roundup: it's a cat in a Mickey Mouse costume, a polar bear in an ice bath, and a golden retriever hanging with his best friend, Thumper.

Other Cuteness:

It's cat and mouse, in one! (Cat seems unimpressed about the situation.)

Cat Cafe work is tough.

This polar bear in an ice bath reminds me of a cat trying to get up in her catnip.

A golden retriever and a little tiny bunny! BFFs!

This dog is actually just mind-blowing. The partnered headstand may be the sweetest thing I've seen.

This cat's got skills.


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Singalong! If You Want to Sing Out by Cat Stevens

Sometimes I think we need to remind ourselves that we can be who we are/want to be and that's cool. Cat Stevens has our back on that one. A beautiful, simple song of affirmation and little sparks of joy. Also, it's from the weird and delightful movie about a teen boy falling in love with an older woman! Go Harold and Maude!


IF YOU WANT TO SING OUT
by Cat Stevens

Well, if you want to sing out, sing out
And if you want to be free, be free
'Cause there's a million things to be
You know that there are

And if you want to live high, live high
And if you want to live low, live low
'Cause there's a million ways to go
You know that there are

You can do what you want
The opportunity's on
And if you can find a new way
You can do it today
You can make it all true
And you can make it undo
You see, ah ah ah
It's easy, ah ah ah
You only need to know

Well, if you want to say yes, say yes
And if you want to say no, say no
'Cause there's a million ways to go
You know that there are

And if you want to be me, be me
And if you want to be you, be you
'Cause there's a million things to do
You know that there are

You can do what you want
The opportunity's on
And if you can find a new way
You can do it today
You can make it all true
And you can make it undo
You see, ah ah ah
It's easy, ah ah ah
You only need to know

Well, if you want to sing out, sing out
And if you want to be free, be free
'Cause there's a million things to be
You know that there are



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Learning! Roundup: Cuddle your way to happiness, nurture changing nature, raising good kids, and more!

Learning! Roundup: sex makes you happier, but only because you cuddle, nurture changes nature through epigenetic, plants can remember things, and more!

Sex Makes You Happier - Sort Of

There are lots of studies out there linking sex to happiness. New research suggests that the happiness isn't from the sex itself, but all the cuddling and physical affection that goes along with it.

Nurture Changes Nature

Here's another argument for the power of genetics: your grandmother's life experiences have impacted your genes thanks to epigenetics. What I love about this is the combo of nature and nurture. It's a person's lived experience (nurture) that changes something in their genetics, affecting you (nature).

How to Raise a Good Kid

Parenting advice time! Here is some research-backed advice on the five things parents who have 'good' kids do. It's pretty basic (spend quality time with your kids, model good behaviour, expect them to be nice, etc.), which is actually really nice, if you ask me. It shows that it's not rocket science to raise someone to be a decent person -- you basically just have to be a decent person with them and they'll pick it up.

Smallpox Genocide

Have you ever wondered what it was like for the Indigenous populations who were wiped out by smallpox? This is a really informative and heart shattering account of the genocide on First Nations people. It also countered some of the stereotypes I had of Indigenous life before the settlers arrived.

Loneliness and Conspiracies

I've had a few conversations lately about what makes people susceptible to believing conspiracy theories. We had a bunch of ideas, including a need to feel special and a distrust of authority. One thing we didn't think of has recently come out in research: feeling left out. Turns out that those on the outside are more likely to believe there is something fishy going on in mainstream society.

If These Plants Could Talk

Bad news for introverts: you're not even alone with your houseplants. Turns out they may have memories.


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It's 2017! Be your best self!

Be your best self, like Beyonce!
You have the same 24 hours every day as Beyonce, so just follow her lead.
Photo by Noemi Nunez.

Listen, folks. It’s time to start being our best selves. It’s 2017. The world is imploding, and fixing it is possible but really hard, so let’s focus on ourselves, shall we? Let's be our Best Selves!

Our Best Selves have sharp, inquisitive minds, meaningful relationships, deep spiritual roots, well-developed interests, magnetic personalities, and perfect bodies that were achieved by trying to be healthy, not skinny.

It’s easy to be your best self. All it takes is a little self-reflection, and then adding a few things into your daily routine. Don't have a daily routine? Don't worry! Here it is!

Here are the things you should do as the VERY FIRST THING the second you wake up:

That first moment of the day is key - this is your opportunity to hydrate, centre yourself, and put your mind and body on the right track for the day (and life!) It may seem impossible for so many things to be the first thing you do, but you'll sort it out, or at least your Best Self will!
  • Drink a glass of water.
  • Drink a glass of water with lemon juice or apple cider vinegar in it (so good for digestion).
  • Poop it out! Pooping first thing in the morning means that you have a perfect digestive tract and your diet is great and you are superior.
  • Meditate for 30-60 minutes in the Sacred Space you already have set up in the corner of your room, so that you really start your day off centred.
  • Do yoga for another 30-90 minutes to unify body, mind, and spirit at the start of the day.
  • Break a sweat! Nothing wakes you up like getting that blood pumping! This is the perfect time for a brutal HIIT workout!
  • Get outside! Breathe fresh air and get sunshine on those pupils right when you wake up to keep your circadian rhythms straight.
  • Journalling is such a great way to get in touch with your innermost desires, and what a perfect thing to do right when you wake up!
  • Dedicate your day - to yourself, a goal, someone else, whatever. Before you do anything else, take a few moments and set an intention.
Mornings, Stage Two

Now that you’ve had 3-5 hours of "first thing in the morning" moments to start your Best Self out with your Best Foot Forward, let’s move on to stage two of the morning: getting ready for life.
  • Breakfast time! Obviously eating is super important. Your "best self" choices include raw fruit/veg in a smoothie or cold-pressed juice (made with fresh, local, in-season, superfoods and enriched with chia seeds and turmeric), or an artful jar of overnight oatmeal that you prepped the night before.
  • Don't just jump in the shower like a troglodyte! Dry brush your entire body to exfoliate and get the blood flowing to your skin first. It'll keep you young (our Best Selves are definitely young, while simultaneously embracing age), shed the dead skin of your former self, AND help you check in with your entire body.
  • Now you can shower. Of COURSE all your shower products are naturally sourced and chemical-free (because our Best Selves don't have any chemicals). As you cleanse your body, imagine your life and heart and mind are being cleansed. Be present and feel the water on your skin.
  • Post-shower, pat dry and take a moment to admire the flesh and bone that carry you around all day. Thank them. Then slather yourself in moisturizer (probably coconut oil, because it cures everything, and then you get to stand there for five minutes while it soaks in).
  • Do whatever beauty stuff you require to make your face and hair and body acceptable of the world, reflecting your true inner beauty by altering your outer self.
  • Now that your body is ready and your mind is fresh, take a moment to plan your day! Make a mug of perfectly-steeped organic tea and ponder your plans for the day.
  • Take a moment for yourself! Ideally before you head out into the world and work, take a moment to do something that makes YOU feel like YOU. Read a book. Write. Paint a picture of that morning's sunrise. Hug a friend.
At Work

Obviously your work is a perfect reflection of your inner mission and you are joyed to go there every day, but it's still easy to get lost in the hullaballoo!
  • Take mini breaks all day long! Stretch! Get outside! Drink water! Walk! Your best self is not a dried husk, chained to its computer. Nobody will mind that you stop working for 20 minutes every hour, because when you're back you'll do the work for 10 less-fully-realized worker bees plus 2.
  • Bring a lunch that you prepared the night before in a jar. (Best Selves don't spend too much money on unhealthy restaurant food! Unless there's a vegan, gluten-free, farm-to-table, fresh eatery nearby, then go there and spend all your money on a holistic experience.)
  • If you get hungry mid-afternoon, munch on six almonds and an apple to keep you fresh and humming! Don't bog down your soul with junk food.
Dinner

Breakfast may be the most important meal of the day, but dinner is a time to shine. Best Selves are almost always culinary deities, and the food you give yourself sets the stage for your evening.
  • Pick up fresh ingredients for tonight's dinner on your way home. Ideally you are already on a first-name basis with a producer merchant, baker, butcher, and anyone else you may purchase things from. Look them in the eye, really see them, and chat about that week's chard harvest.
  • Chop and simmer your way to a dinner of whole, fresh foods! Don't drown out your mind with TV or talk radio or podcasts! Classical music or confusing jazz will do the trick.
  • Really enjoy your food. Focus on eating. Don't be distracted. Feel, with gratitude, your body absorb the nutrients. 
  • Also, socialize while you eat because sharing a meal is a spiritual exchange!
Evening

Your time is yours! Avoid falling into the Netflix trap by doing a hobby that truly reflects your heart and passion.
  • Be a well-rounded person by trying something you would never do. Spend 30 minutes playing an instrument or building a chair or skydiving, then journal about what you learned.
  • This is, of course, also time for your side hustle. The business that you started just because you love it that is now blossoming into something "real".
  • Invest in your relationships! Chat on the phone or meet up with a friend! Share your hearts with  each other over a simple 20-ingredient cocktail and kale chips.
  • Reading is good for your soul and mind, so try to spend at least 30 minutes a day reading something enriching.
Bed Time

A bedtime ritual is key to getting a good sleep and being your best self.
  • Go to bed at a reasonable hour. Don't let other people or responsibilities drag you away from the rest you need! (But this is no excuse to avoid doing all the other things.)
  • Put away all your screens! Screens don’t exist. They kill your sleep and thus your Best Self.
  • Prep whatever meals you need to for the following day, including pre-chopping fruit and veg, making a jar salad and/or overnight oats.
  • Spend a few minutes tidying your home so that you will wake up to an ordered environment to match your gleaming soul.
  • Drink a glass of water.
  • Consider a short-but-luxurious soak in the tub, surrounded by candles.
  • Do all the personal hygiene things, making sure to use special creams for all the different parts of your face and body.
  • Do some gentle stretching to prepare for bed - nothing too intense, just 10-20 minutes.
  • Consider meditating, praying, and/or journalling to let go of any stresses from the day and give yourself the gift of a peaceful night.
  • Spritz your sheets with lavender before bed - it's a gift to yourself!
  • Thank yourself for a wonderful day and enjoy a fulsome sleep. Try to practice lucid dreaming.
But wait! That’s not it!

There is more involved in being your best self, that you'll just have to find time to fit in:
  • Be caught up on all the good TV shows. (Off the top of my head: Breaking Bad, Orange is the New Black, Blackish, Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Service, The Crown, Downton Abbey, Doctor Who, Sherlock, The Great British Bake Off, Jane the Virgin, Kimmy Schmidt, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Black Mirror, The OA, Chewing Gum, Narcos, all the Marvel shows, Suits, Crazyhead, and everything else that is critically acclaimed and/or popular and/or nerdy and/or a cult favourite. Make sure you watch British and non-English-language shows with subtitles.)
  • Listen to the cool, smart podcasts and know all the hip music artists and go to their concerts.
  • Volunteer your time with a cause that you care about.
  • Spend time in nature, hiking, snowshoeing, paddle boarding, or whatever suits your heart best.
  • If your career isn’t artistic, make sure you have an artistic side-project: take up photography or writing or drawing a webcomic. (Oh yeah, and read the cool webcomics.)
  • Be informed about current events! Politics and business news and economic turns and natural disasters, both locally and around the world. Make sure you listen to your nation’s public broadcaster, as well as the BBC and Al Jazeera and at least one source you disagree with, just to keep your mind sharp. Read the entire article, every time.
  • Enjoy a sweet sex life with lots and lots of orgasms. Not that you are aiming for orgasms, they just happen, all the time.
  • Stay up to date on your laundry and other household cleaning.
  • Fill your home with beautiful decor that you either made yourself or hand-selected from artisanal craftspersons.
There you go! A simple, straightforward guide to being Your Best Self in 2017.



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Inspiration! Roundup: Selfish geniuses, miniature calendars, quilting lies, and more!

Inspiration! Roundup: Geniuses are selfish, turn a cement factory into a stunning home, make miniature calendars, reject the tyranny of positivity, and more
This Week's "I want to go to there":
I've never seen the Northern Lights! Can I please see the Northern Lights?

Making a Cement Factory a Home

Pretty much every time I come across an old, dilapidated building, I start to envision all the dreaminess that it could transform into as a home or performance space. Well, Spanish architect Ricardo Bofill had that same inspiration with an old cement factory, and then he acted on it. The result is gorgeous.

Geniuses are Selfish

“If I couldn’t create there would be nothing for me to live for. It’s selfish, I know, but geniuses are selfish.”
– Miles Davis
Next question: in what way are geniuses selfish, and how can we all embrace some of that selfishness?

It's probably got something to do with prioritizing their work - whatever that work is - above other peoples' needs or wants. Okay, taking care of the needs of people you love is really important, and so is taking care of your own needs. Like doing the work that makes your heart leap into your brain and dance. That is important, too.

Miniature Calendar

Every day, artist Tatsuya Tanaka creates little dioramas out of miniature figures and everyday objects.


Regrets of the Dying

Every once in a while, it's good to remind ourselves of the bigger picture in life, so that we can, even for five minutes, realize that it's actually not the end of the world if we don't get the laundry put away this instant. A great way to do that is think about what people worry about when they are dying. This list, as with most, boils down to wishing they had lived the life they wanted and been honest and brave, instead of doing what they thought they were supposed to do.

Although there's good food for thought in the "I wish I had let myself be happier" regret. It begs the question: how am I getting in the way of my own happiness now?

Reject the "Tyranny of Positivity"

I am all for positive thinking. I think so much of our experience of life is wrapped up in how we interpret our experiences. However, this is a bit of a dangerous path. Sometimes our experiences are objectively terrible, and sometimes we just feel bad. Feeling bad isn't automatically a bad thing - it just is what it is. This article is a great reminder to embrace what you are actually feeling, instead of trying to force yourself to feel happy.

Quilting Broken Promises

Artist Gina Adams' latest project quilts the text of the broken treaties made between the US government and Native Americans.

"Sewing together injustice with an object of comfort stirs deep emotion. For I, as all people of Native American descent, have carried around a heart-wrenching history, a burden and a loss. Now I choose to weave that over-arching sadness into a source of tremendous comfort. I am taking the burden of the broken treaty placing it on top of the work of the original Colonists."
-Gina Adams

Artwork by Gina Adams


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