Johanna Goodman's collages! All the whimsy we look for in collage with something to say. Love. It.
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For people who want to learn, grow, get inspired, and stay silly.
Johanna Goodman's Collages Are Swell
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Today I Am Done With
Keeping my face passive while people talk at me about things that we have discussed several times over and I actually just asked you to confirm one piece of information with me not rehash your side of our previous conversation(s) thanks.
Paying attention to what time it is before I drink more caffeine.
Keeping my face passive on Zoom meetings while a people wax poetic about how people are dying to get back into the theatre and everything will be okay and everyone shouldn't worry and sure everything will be okay, eventually, in one way or another but guess what? We still have to make 15 contingency plans in the meantime for all the unknown variables and that's still a lot of work.
Getting pangs of fear whenever I find out a routine expense is increasing.
Conservative politicians claiming that a carbon tax takes away people's right to put food on their tables while Bill Gates wants to save us from climate change by filling the sky with chalk to dim the sun.
Watching COVID restrictions expand and contract with very little rhyme or reason while my age group gets blamed for things going wrong.
Watching people snipe online about things that I think are inconsequential and yes I realize one could argue that I'm doing that right now, snipe snip snipe.
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Have You Ever Heard of an FLR?
Have you ever heard of an FLR?
I hadn't until recently, and if I have to know about this, so do you.
FLR stands for Female-Led Relationship. But it's not what you think. (Or it's exactly what you think. It depends on what you think.)
According to a dude on Hinge (that's a dating app, for those of you who are lucky enough to be ignorant about these things), and then confirmed by my google searches, FLRs can be a lot of things.
Some FLRs are exactly what they sound like: a heterosexual relationship where the woman is in charge. She makes the decisions, earns the money, and tells the man what to do. (Or is "exactly what it sounds like" a lesbian relationship, because that's led by two females? Except I feel like only straight culture comes up with this kind of nonsense.)
However, FLRs can also be relationships that are egalitarian.
That's right. A relationship where both parties have a say in decisions, have jobs, and participate in the housework and generally do life together is considered female-led. Even if it was actually perfectly equal, it would be an FLR.
That's because FLRs are defined, actually, by what they're not: male-led relationships. Apparently, these are standard. Normal. And while I'll be the first to agree that the patriarchy still exists and that almost all hetero relationships include a man who doesn't do his share of housework or childcare or emotional labour, these folks think that the strictest "traditional" gender roles in a relationship have always been that way (nope) and are still the norm (nooooo) and that doing anything slightly different from that suddenly means the woman is in charge, even when she's not (?????).
Can we sit with the wrongness of this for a second?
Sit with it some more.
Keep sitting with it.
Okay, now let's make some observations and ask some questions.
First of all, how dare you?
Second, why the heck does a relationship have to have a leader? And if it is equal whyyyyyyyyy would you label that as being led by one person???? This is false advertising.
The insistence on gender roles so strict they are almost a parody of the real thing and unnecessary labelling of relationships makes me think that this whole thing is mostly populated by the men
who, if they weren't getting relationships, would become incels.
To be fair, a lot of the stuff I read about FLRs online is actually really positive about women's empowerment and even recognized the truth that patriarchal relationships also kind of suck for men because being in charge and emotionally cut-off is not great for, you know, feeling loved.
BUT it's all set up in this way that is so backwards and so obsessed with "innate differences" between men and women! The guy I spoke with on Hinge actually told me he was SURPRISED to find that he enjoyed doing things for his partners when he tried an FLR.
Surprised. That doing things, for his partner, was enjoyable.
I don't know. I guess if this is a part of a dude's journey away from rampant sexism that's great. But I don't want anything to do with it.
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This Week's Gratitude & Delight
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| Ivo Adventures |
This week I have been grateful for:
A short story I wrote is getting published! This is a prettttttty big deal because while I have had my nonfiction writing published by other people, I have yet to have anyone accept my fiction writing and hoooooooo boy it's a dream! There is nothing like seeing the word "pleased" in an email response from a publisher!!!
I made croissants for the first time and they TOTALLY WORKED!!!!
The wondrous joy of in-person friendship because it's still so rare and hard to make happen!
Past Andrea prepped some financial documentation for current Andrea and made her life WAY easier.
I got a new (to me) sleeping bag that will keep me much warmer when I go backpacking and camping this summer!!!
I bought some fancy chocolate and it wasn't ringing up properly at the cashier so the guy just offered to make the price way lower than it really was! Discount chocolate!
THIS WEEK'S DELIGHT:
- The random guy on the bike who recognized my based on the poncho I wear cycling in the rain and asked where I got it.
- My neighbour's dog is totally getting to know me!
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There's Something About Tulle
There is something about tulle. Ana Maria Hernando really captures it.
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Getting Defensive
Here's an interesting finding: if we don't feel socially accepted, we are more likely to get defensive when we've done something wrong.
It makes so much sense! If I think to the times I have engaged with (sometimes very stupid) cover-ups or denials for wrongdoing, I think they were often connected to people with whom I felt uncertain about my standing.
What's interesting is that this research shows that people will feel the implicit guilt over whatever they have done either way, but only those who have had reassurance will admit to their guilt explicitly.
This applies to making your wrong right as well. Unsurprisingly, those who are unwilling to admit their guilt are also less likely to take steps to repair the harm they caused.
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Should You Tell Your Friend That Their Innocuous Action Made You Think of Sex? A Guide
Here's something that is CASE IN POINT for PART OF THE PROBLEM when it comes to women being sexualized at every turn, no matter what we do:
A friend of mine posted a photo the other day. It's a classic "pensive" shot, where you see the back of her head and her shoulders as she looks out at the ocean. In the caption, she shared about some of the challenges she's been facing. It was personal and vulnerable and the photo reflected the thoughtful nature of her post.
The first comment?
A male friend (or "friend," I don't know) of hers comments on how hot her shoulders look and says "I've always been a shoulders guy... also kneecaps."
I'm sorry, WHAT? Is that really a thought you needed to share? With someone who is being vulnerable about their emotionally challenging week? Do you think it will make her feel better to suddenly find herself being sexualized right now? "Sorry you're sad but I thought you should know that your shoulders make me think of sex." READ THE ROOM, BRAD.
Here's the thing: I don't care what your thoughts are doing. If you look at my shoulders and think of sex, whatever. That's a "you" thing. Unless we are in a sex-related situation, you definitely don't need to share that thought. (Also, just because you had a sexual thought doesn't mean a situation is sexual!!!!)
Excuse me, I need to go primal scream.
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| Broad City |
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The Most Delightful Animal Portraits
Is it just me, or are Helga Stentzel's clothesline animals pure delight?
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Can You Really Climb the Wrong Mountain?
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| Vintage Postcard via Brad Montague |
When I first saw this image on Brad Montague's Instagram feed, I actually laughed. Not because the joke is sooooo funny (I guess it's pretty clever?) but because I was looking at it as a hiker and thinking how funny it would be to worry that you had a beautiful hike and a beautiful view from the... wrong.... mountain? Like how can you really go wrong there? You went on a hike! Hikes are beautiful!
But of course, this was shared to spark a discussion about the metaphorical mountains of success we climb, and how terrible it would be to devote your life to climbing one mountain, only to realize you made the wrong choice.
In his Instagram caption, Mr. Montague says,
"Climbing the wrong mountain .... and not realizing until you’re already there. Aaaa! Yikes. I don’t want it to happen to me. I don’t want it to happen to anybody! But surely it happens all the time. In fact, it’s a major fear of mine: being successful at all the wrong things... Just such a sad and scary thought — succeeding at the wrong things."
Actually, I would like to return to my initial assessment of the image. You lived life, you faced challenges, you gained experiences and enough perspective to get to the top of the mountain, and you're worried you did all that... wrong? Is there a wrong way to go on the journey of life?
Yes, some people realize after they work really hard to achieve success in one way that the success they sought is hollow or that they actually made the world a worse place because they invented social media and now we're all doomed and oh dear they can't undo it. It's hard to suddenly realize that your dream job isn't a dream or the accomplishment you thought would make you happy is actually hollow.
It's hard and also, so what? Did you think you would climb one mountain in life? That you would pick the perfect mountain, get to the top, and then sit there, enjoying the view until you died? Sit somewhere long enough and it becomes the wrong place because we are ultimately wired to move. We try new things, pursue new goals, and pick new mountains (or hills or outcroppings or paths that follow a crest from one mountaintop to another or valley lake strolls).
You picked that mountain based on what you knew when you were
standing a sea level. You now have the perspective, from the top of this
mountain, of what the other mountains might really look like at their
tops and pick another one. You weren't just going to sit there anyways. You keep living, you keep moving.
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This Week's Gratitude & Delight
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| Ivo Adventures |
This week I have been grateful for:
Getting to see some friends IN PERSON thanks to relaxed COVID restrictions--as I was watching my friends and their kids walk through the park towards me, my smile was so freaking big and uncontainable!
A few more walks with great friends because the conversation and movement and presence makes me feel like myself.
Some really, really productive and engaging meetings working on a strategic plan with a board member, because it feels great to make productive plans.
Getting some really high quality yoga mats from my neighbour who was moving because mine were falling apart.
Got out of a board meeting on time because it didn't look like I was going to!
My cat finally has medication for her hyperthyroidism because now maybe she'll EAT HER FOOD and NOT DIE.
This week's delight:
- Biking home from work, there was a horse and buggy on the street and I had to bike around it and it delighted me so much! I also felt bad for the people who were travelling the other direction at the nearest intersection because they were SO CLOSE but would never see it! Then I realized that maybe this horse and buggy goes by every day but at a slightly different time and so I'm usually the tragic person who just misses it and has no idea. What a world!
- A woman jogging wearing one of those parody t-shirts that had the Starter logo but the word "satan" underneath and I actually laughed out loud when I saw it.
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Ana Santos' Portrait Compilations Are Actually Everything
I went to Ana Santos' Instagram page because I had come across some stunning portraits she did where faces were blending with flowers in magical ways, but then I fell in love with these little image compilations she shared instead. Her captions are in Spanish, but Google translate indicates these are simply compilation images she made while playing around. I am seeing them as portraits of characters, with elements that all represent that person, and honestly, I would love one of these.
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Everything is Present, And Maybe it Shouldn't Be
This quote is a very good explanation of why it actually matters to put disclaimers before streaming content with content that is now considered offensive.
Years ago I interviewed Brian Eno and he was amazing. But one thing he said about streaming music has always stayed with me: that his daughters listened to stuff from all sorts of eras without any idea of genre or timeline or context because it was all equally available to them. As he put it, everything was present.
And I think that’s the big difference in the last decade or so of pop culture: we now accumulate stuff rather than replace it. Instead of The Office being a sitcom people remember from a decade ago, it’s a show they’re watching now. There’s new pop culture, but it has to elbow for room amongst humanity’s vast back catalogue.
And because everything is present, everything is necessarily judged against the standards of the present. So where once you’d only see, for example, an episode of the Muppets if you knew what it was and sought it out, now it’s just something popular on Disney+ that anyone can stumble over and go “um, why is Johnny Cash flanked by Confederate flags? I didn’t know he was a white supremacist!”
And, friends, THAT is why we’re getting disclaimers on shows or letting old children’s books go out of print: not because people are oversensitive or hysterical or stupid, but because society changes and pop culture used to keep pace with that, but now that everything remains accessible we interact with our cultural past differently.
This is a monologue which I would once have delivered with verve and panache in a pub after many beers but is now being typed on a phone in my loungeroom at 10pm on a Friday night THANKS A BUNCH PARENTHOOD.
-Andrew P Street
(Also, in case you're wondering, Andrew P Street seems to be an Australian music writer and Brian Eno is a British musician.)
As an aside, I also think it's hilarious that people are so concerned about people being "too sensitive" to need warnings for overtly racist content, but demand warnings before being shown human bodies or hearing certain words or even being exposed to "mature themes" where people talk about the fact that people sometimes die.
We have had content warnings for at least as long as I've been alive, we have simply added something to the pile of things that we should be warned about.
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| fuzzyghost |
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This Week Last Year: So Confusing
A lot of the conversations about lockdown starting March 13th make it sound like it was really straightforward, but it wasn't. We were still guessing what would or would not be safe or allowed, betting on how long this would take and how bad it would get, and unclear on what "stay home" really meant.
Case in point, in my calendar from this week last year:
Sunday: Hike with a friend and talk a lot about this new social distancing and whether we should really be in a car together. Go to Superstore and stock up on some dry goods.
Monday: Tell the staff that we will work from home.
Tuesday: Artist flight back to Vancouver. They were supposed to go straight to Mexico (for a co-production we were doing down there) from a gig they had elsewhere, but weren't comfortable with that anymore. The rest of the artistic team, however, wanted to keep their flights and do the work in Mexico. (Ha!)
Wednesday: Go for a walk with a friend where we try to keep distance but are still unfamiliar with the concept and I tell her that I'm still planning on having the whole staff come in one day a week so we can "stay connected" and she says, "ummmmm, I wouldn't."
Thursday: Liquor store run. (An actual calendar event because I heard liquor stores were closing elsewhere. Let me tell you, the shelves were emmmmmmmptyyyyyyyyyyy.)
Friday: Nothing
Saturday: Do taxes.
This was when I started tuning in for daily Prime Minister updates at 8am and provincial health updates at 3pm watching and waiting, unsure even then if at the theatre we would be cancelling all our remaining shows that season or just the upcoming show.
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