Songs for New Year's Eve, No Matter Your Mood

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What are you doing New Year's Eve? I live alone, so I'll be... alone! In my apartment! What a glorious bummer but also perfectly fine turn of events.

I suspect we're all experiencing a pretty wild ride of moods as we exit 2020 and enter a new year (where not much has changed but maybe it will get better), so I've curated a collection of songs you can choose from to ring in the new year based on your emotional world.

If You're Kinda Bummed But Okay With It: The New Year by Death Cab for Cutie

The opening lines, "So this is the new year and I don't feel any different" made this my go-to New Year's Day song for years. I loved embracing the morose vibe of waking up a day that was supposed to mark a change and feeling the same. It seems pretty on point for this year, too.

"So this is the new year

And I have no resolutions

For self assigned penance

For problems with easy solutions"

If You're Seeking Blessings: Forever Young by Rod Stewart

This song is basically a New Year's blessing, no matter the version you choose. I chose the Rod Stewart cover, but this song has received so dang many covers that you could just put on a playlist of this song and go on a musical journey for an hour.

"May your hands always be busy,

May your feet always be swift,

May you have a strong foundation

When the winds of changes shift.

May your heart always be joyful,

May your song always be sung,

May you stay forever young,"

If You're Ready to Move On and Embrace Yourself: thank u, next by Ariana Grande

For obvious reasons.

"I've got so much love

Got so much patience

I've learned from the pain

I turned out amazing"

If You Need an Aggressive Dance Out: Raise Your Glass by Pink

It seems like this year humanity was the underdog (although we were also the villain, so... awkward). Sometimes the best thing you can do is throw back an entire glass of champagne in one go and have an aggressive dance party.

"So raise your glass if you are wrong,

In all the right ways,

All my underdogs"

If You Need a Complicated Dance Out: Dancing By Myself by Robyn

This is the perfect song if you're being safe on your own for the New Year and not really happy about it but also trying to embrace where you are now. It's the "I'm going to rip myself away from an Instagram feed full of people who are somehow not alone before it kills me" dance party.

"I'm just gonna dance all night

I'm all messed up, I'm so outta line

Stilettos on broken bottles

I'm spinning around in circles"

If You Need a Dance Out That's Pure of Heart: Dancing In the Moonlight by Toploader

This is for those of you feeling that Schitt's Creek Season 2 finale vibe. Whether you're "together, apart" with your loved ones or have a household to dance with, you know that around the world (or at least across your time zone), people are dancing in the moonlight. (The original is by King Harvest, which is even more pure of heart, if I do say so myself.)

"Dancing in the moonlight

Everybodys feeling warm and bright

Its such a fine and natural sight

Everybodys dancing in the moonlight"

If You Want to Lie on the Couch and Feel Things: Good Grief by Dessa

For me, this song says, "everything is terrible and I don't know how to make it better but also it seems like there is hope to make it better, we've just got to get there," which may be the perfect fit as you lie on the couch and feel your feelings.

"I want that good grief

The one that heals me

That leaves me clarified by fire

When I'm burned clean

Tempered by light and heat

Ah, by the dead of morning

I'll be better for it

And then fortified I'll rise

Bust the hydrant, let it spray champagne

Wings are broken but I feel no pain

It's real today, I know this feeling, let it rain"

If You're Coming Out Ready to Fight: Stronger by Britney Spears

This is the perfect, "heck yes, I survived and guess what? Now I wear black leather and heavy eyeliner which indicates bad assery" song.

"Stronger than yesterday

Now it's nothing but my way

My loneliness ain't killing me no more

I, I'm stronger"

If You Are In a Very Chill Place: Three Little Birds by Bob Marley

Ready to ride the waves of life with your hands ready and your heart open?

"Don't worry, about a thing

'Cause every little thing, gonna be all right"

If You're Genuinely Feeling Great or Want to Embrace Denial: Happy by Pharrell Williams

Maybe you feel actual joy right now or maybe it feels good to feel good, even if you don't really feel good, you know? Either way, clap your hands with Pharrell.

"Here come bad news, talking this and that (Yeah!)

Well, give me all you got, don't hold it back (Yeah!)

Well, I should probably warn you I'll be just fine (Yeah!)

No offense to you

Don't waste your time"

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I don't know who needs to hear this, but...

... if you have a sexual thought about someone that doesn't automatically make the situation or anything they are doing or wearing sexual.

Believe it or not, your thoughts are not nearly powerful enough to change the entire reality of a situation.

Digital Pratik

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Setting Goals for 2021 That Won't Tempt Fate and May Even Be Fun

Denyse

Alright folks, the new year is upon us! Time to shape up! Time to snap out of the mulled wine and cookie haze and look at the future! Time to start thinking about GOALS!

Before you get too excited with your "This is Gonna Be My Year" plans, remember: a lot of us walked into 2020 making sweeping declarations about what that year was going to be like and look where that lead us. Maybe part of the lesson of 2020 is to just chill a bit about the grand statements and keep things a little smaller, a little more focused.

If resolutions or goals are your kind of thing (turns out that we humans are basically at our best while we are working towards something, so if they aren't, maybe look into it?), I recently came across a simple, but lovely framework for goal-setting: set a goal for your work, a goal for your life, and a goal for your soul.

That's it!

I came across this idea in October and decided to set goals for November and/or the rest of the year. (I was unsure how long they would take.)

For my soul, I wanted to meditate every day.

For my work, I wanted to actively pursue publication of my writing.

For my life, I wanted to be able to do the splits again.

(If you are into goal-setting, you may not be surprised to learn that the one I have most enthusiastically pursued is doing the splits, since it was the only "SMART" goal that actually involved progressing towards a desired outcome.)

The real beauty of this framework is that it helped me set goals that were small and not all that serious (I really just asked myself what I wanted without getting too deep into it) while still adding to my quality of life and some greater desires for myself.

I'm going to try keeping at this, setting smallish goals for 2-3 month seasons of life with an added category of community, because I also want to spend my life doing things to make my community better.

While these goals certainly can build towards a larger-scale "strategic" goal for my life, I am going to prioritize fun (because I am trying not to forget the lessons from my summer of fun).

Want to join me?

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Join Me In Saying Eff That Noise to 2020

I don't generally go in for the notion that fate or the universe or grander events are in any way tied to our calendar year. It's not like hardship gets an assignment with a due date on New Year's Eve.

@snarkymarky

Like damn y’all we’re still in a pancreas 🥴

♬ original sound - mark

HOWEVER, I do still see the new year as a great time to make changes or set goals or step into something new. I have also been getting into ceremony and ritual this season, and so I have created a little "Eff That Noise" ritual to say goodbye to 2020. If you want to participate, I would love to have you!

This can be executed anytime between now and midnight New Year's Eve. Heck, you could even do it New Year's Day if you need to shake the dust of 2020 off your feet.

Preparation:

1. Find or make something that is symbolic of something you want to "leave behind" from the past year. This can be as simple as writing something on a piece of paper, finding an item, a movement/dance, or an elaborate craft. It can be symbolic or literal, personal or general.
2. Find or make something else that represents something you would like to carry forward. Same rules apply.
3. Prepare food that you find particularly nourishing or comforting.
4. Pick a song for the ceremony that seems fitting to you. Suggestions include "The New Year" by Death Cab for Cutie, "This Is My Year" by Woodes, "Forever Young" (whatever version you like), "1999" by Prince, or "thank u, next" by Ariana Grande. Silence is also okay.

The Ritual:

1. Put the song on & light a candle.
2. Place the symbol of that which you would like to carry forward next to the candle.
3. Say something like, "Human calendars don't mean much, but this year held a lot of pain, a lot of uncertainty, and a lot of darkness. There were some lessons I would like to carry forward, but to everything else, I say: Eff. That. Noise."
4. Destroy the symbol of the noise you would like to have eff off.
5. Feast.
6. Document it however you see fit and if you want to, share it directly with me or with an #effthatnoise2020 hashtag.

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Is This What it Looks Like When a Weary World Rejoices?

I noticed over Christmas, a lot of people posting the lines, "A thrill of hope, a weary world rejoices" from the carol "O Holy Night."

It makes sense.

If there is one way to describe the world today, it's weary. (Oh, are we ever weary.)

And, like something out of a children's story, the vaccine has arrived and begun distribution right around Christmas time.

Which leads me to wonder: where was the thrill of hope? Is this what rejoicing feels like?

Hope:

It was pretty early in the pandemic that I realized hoping for concrete outcomes was a fool's game. People sent out "change the dates" for their weddings, theatres announced 2020-2021 seasons, friends booked tickets for summer travel, and I thought, "I'll believe it when I see it."

This attitude continued as news of the vaccines came out. I didn't really accept it as true until Dr. Bonnie Henry, BC's Chief Medical Health Officer, said that all British Columbians would have access to the vaccine by fall 2021. She is not a politician nor a corporate overlord--she wouldn't give false promises.

So hope did come, not in a "thrill" but a tentative step, one where you reach your toe in front of you and test your weight on a floorboard before daring to take a real step.

And rejoicing? There has been some of that, too.

I lifted a glass (alone in my apartment) to celebrate when my first family member got the vaccine. Entire medical departments made videos dancing after they were transformed into vaccination clinics. In these moments, the joy is real and creates life within us and around us.

And then the moment passed and not much changed. I, happy for my cousin and all that vaccination represents to me, still felt weary. As, I'm sure, did those nurses, doctors, and technicians who then had to continue their work.

As, I'm sure, do you.

After all, our material reality isn't changing anytime soon. We must still follow precautions. We don't know what will come. Will new strains overcome the vaccine? How many will die in the meantime? What of the poorer countries, unable to stockpile doses while the wealthy nations take more than they need? Will our leaders go into hypercapitalist overdrive to make up for the losses of this time or will we create a gentler world out of this?

So:

There is hope, at least in prospect.

We are weary.

In moments, we rejoice.

And we are still weary.

This may not have been what Placide Cappeau imagined when he wrote those words, but here we are.

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Embracing a Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Christmas Day

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How are you doing today?

I don't know what December 25th normally looks like for you, but if today is massively different from usual, and not in a way that provides some comfort, I was recently reminded of some advice from Dan Savage about crappy Christmases that might apply to you.

Unfortunately, it's from his podcast and I don't remember when I heard it, so I'm not tracking it down to share the link, but here's the gist:

He shared about a Christmas he had where he was alone. Maybe he was extra alone due to family conflict or maybe he was just a stranger in a new city and didn't have any connections yet. Either way, he felt completely on his own.

A movie theatre was open, so he went to see a movie by himself. The movie wasn't very good and the whole thing was super depressing.

Then suddenly, the situation became hilarious to him. Here he was! Alone on Christmas! Watching a lame movie! Feeling sorry for himself! What a cliche of a lonely soul!

He leaned in. If he was going to have a pathetic Christmas, then by jove, a pathetic Christmas he would have. And there are things to enjoy about a sad holiday, once you stop comparing it to what it could have been. He embraced his morose reality, and it instantly got a lot better.

As I type this, I realize that the advice is basically just, "Hey, look at this from a different perspective! Sure, your Christmas sucks, but maybe you can enjoy just how sucky it is!" For some of you, reading that advice might make you want to throw your computer out the window. If that's the case, sorry, my friend.

But maybe it doesn't. Maybe it's helpful to remember that our interpretation of our circumstances is about as important as our circumstances actually are. Maybe you are sitting alone on your couch, wrapped in a blanket, scrolling through the internet while you watch Arrested Development for the billionth time and it kind of makes sense to lean into--and even enjoy--your lame holiday aesthetic.

Think of the future, when you'll be sharing your pandemic stories with yet-to-be-born grandbabies (yours or someone else's), describing your sadsack Christmas in all it's anti-glory. How saving lives by staying home felt so lonely and pointless. How angry you felt seeing your friends who were lucky enough to live with family or (even worse) broke the rules to gather anyways. How vindicated you felt, knowing you would not be the instrument of your aunt's death.

Today, I wish you all the blessings imaginable. For peace and quiet, for cacophonous joy, for much-needed distractions, for dance parties, for thoughtful text message greetings, for excellent Chinese takeout, for deep contemplation, for simple pleasures, for an ironically bad Christmas, and for contentment, today and beyond.

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The Greatest Christmas Lights of All Time

The village of Newburgh in Scotland made the greatest choice of all time for their civic holiday decorations. They had children's pictures turned into light displays! Originally posted on Twitter by resident Poppy.

Merry Christmas to those who celebrate, and to those that don't, I wish you a peaceful winter day.

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Why Are We So Excited to Hack Happiness in Our Brains and So Unexcited to Just Be Happy?

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A post shared by Huma Aslam (@huma_clinicalpsychologist)

I've seen this image float around my social media feeds for the past couple of months.

For the first little while, I thought it was neat. Oh! Here's how I can try to boost my various happiness hormones. What fun!

Then I became indifferent to it. Oh hey, this again.

Then I became suspicious of it.

What is happening in our world that we now have to manipulate our brains into producing happiness chemicals? What does this say about us that we need to "hack" feeling good? Why is this need so dang prevalent that it keeps getting posted and reposted and posted again on social media?

I get it. I have a list on the wall in my apartment literally titled, "Things That Feel Good" because when I am bored or feeling junky, it's hard to remember that I can do things to feel better instead of just sinking into my couch. And the list of activities in this post are actually really beneficial: get some physical activity, hug someone, do something to make yourself laugh. These "hacks" are really just actual healthy behaviour.

But that almost makes it worse: are we (myself included!) so lost that instead of realizing that we could use a laugh or a hug or a walk, we have to see it on a list of brain hacks? We have to think we're doing it to trick our brains into being happier instead of just doing things because we know they make us happier?

I may be completely overreacting here, but after seeing it passed around so many times, this post has gone from charmingly useful to tragic for me.

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Silvia Levenson's Strange Little Girls

Artist Silvia Levenson's sculpture series called Strange Little Girls is the perfect mix of creepy and lovely. She seems to have a pretty diverse body of work, some sculpture, some photography, and it's all worth checking out!

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We've Made it to the Shortest, Darkest Day of a Dark Year

Cintascotch

It's Winter Solstice! The shortest, darkest day of the year! From this point forward, the light will grow (until, of course, it starts shrinking again, but let's live in the now, shall we?)

Last year, for the first time, I did a ceremony with a friend to let go of the darkness of the previous year and usher in the light. At that time, just facing my deepest hopes for the year to come was a scary endeavour. Not only was I admitting my core needs and desires, but I was taking action to symbolically invite them into my life. Terrifying.

Well, don't worry, none of the specifics I was thinking about in that ceremony happened, although if you open up your heart (and definitions) then yes, I may have found what I sought, in a broader sense.

As with everything, I blame COVID.

I also blame COVID for the fact that I don't really know what my hopes are for this new cycle of light and darkness. This year I learned not to get too into plans or hopes or visions for what's to come because truly anything can happen.

Maybe that's good enough? To walk into the growing light with my hands open, ready to give or receive, come what may. (Although knowing what direction I am walking, at least to start, might be nice!)

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Entitlement Versus a Decent Sense of Self-Worth

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An attitude of entitlement doesn’t increase the chances you’ll get what you want.

And it ruins the joy of the things you do get.

Win or lose, you lose.

-Seth Godin

Is it weird that my first thought (after agreeing with Mr. Godin's point) was to wonder about the difference between being entitled versus feeling you deserve goodness in an "I have enough self-worth to believe that I deserve good things"-type way?

Here's the result of my pondering:

At first blush, yes, they are similar because they both think you are somehow inherently deserving of... well, anything.

HOWEVER!

Entitlement thinks you deserve things because you are soooooo great. You're so much more rich or important or beautiful or smart than others and therefore should have whatever the heck you want.

Self-worth believes you are deserving too, but in a "just as much as anyone else because I'm as worthy as they are"-type way. You aren't better than other people, but dangit, you are as valuable of a human as any of them! It's usually more about rejecting poor treatment than demanding nice things.

And yes, feeling you already deserve all the nice things does kind of ruin them if they come your way. Where's the joy in that?

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Let's Take a Dive Into Ashley Avery's Paintings

Ooooh, couldn't you go swimming in American painter Ashley Avery's world? The life! The colour! The luscious foliage!

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Speaking of 2020... What Are Some of Our Lessons, Big and Small?

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2020 is almost over. Time to start thinking about our lessons from the past year!

I have learned that I will truly always gravitate towards rewatching a show I've already seen over watching something new if left to my own devices--even when I've been left to those devices for a very long time. I need other people to help me branch out!

Also:

When life gets really shaken up I get much better at paying attention to my needs and taking care of myself.

Even during a pandemic when everything is shut down, I will find a way to feel too busy and stressed out about meeting all my obligations.

We truly cannot predict the future, and yet we all have to move forward as if we have some influence over what might happen next.

Sometimes you don't know how unhappy you are until something changes and you feel the joy you've been missing.

The things people care most about come to the surface when the busy life distractions are taken away. (Some go to a protest to try to save lives and others to protect their personal freedom.)

It can be shocking to see how different people in your circle do or don't take things seriously.

The degree to which people don't feel like something is real until it personally impacts them is astounding, as demonstrated by the sheer number of, "this thing is for real" posts after someone they knew got COVID.

What about you? What did you learn about yourself? About your friends? About the world?

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