What Does a #MeToo Dystopia Really Looks Like?

A photo of a drain pipe with stickers on it. The sticker in-focus says "still heart feminism"
Photo by Markus Spiske.

A little thought experiment:

You know how, whenever there's a new Me Too flair up, the inevitable "but now we can't say anything!!!" whines emerge from men who aren't sure how to talk to women without making it at least a little bit sexual?

They love to paint a picture of a terrible dystopia where men's behaviour is strictly regulated and don't we know, women suffer for it, too! Nobody is happy!!!

Well, let's explore this dystopia for a minute, shall we? Let's say Me Too actually does win the day. What happen?

Women would have to find our way through doorways and crowded rooms without the gentle guidance of a man we barely know placing his hand on the small of our back. (We will get so lost.)

If you like someone (like, like like them), you may have to actually say something direct about it, like ask them on a date and use the word "date." (Oh no! How will we know romance is on the table without confusing invitations to "hang" that may or may not include surprise make outs?)

If a woman gets asked out and (uh oh) she says no, she may be denied fear of the guy suddenly turning mean. She won't get to hear the fun regressive insults or be told that he would never sleep with her anyway. (Our self-esteem may remain unscathed and WHO KNOWS what we would be capable of then.)

If you want some sexy times with someone, instead of engineering and executing an elaborate routine of slowly-escalating physical contact and location changes, hoping that she will not even notice what's happening until she finds herself in bed with you and then decides it's not worth the effort to leave, you may have to actually state your intentions and find out if she really wants to sleep with you or not and if she doesn't, she probably won't. (You will experience the horror of only sleeping with people who actually want to sleep with you.)

Jobs may become places where people tell jokes that aren't based on an assumed understanding that some people are inherently better than others or even that some people are there only for sex. (But what else is even funny???)

Speaking of work, if a woman has success at work that you feel is unearned, you won't be able to just freely run around telling people that she only got there because she's sleeping with the boss using, "just look at her clothes," as the iron-clad evidence for your rumour. (Now people may have to funnel their frustrations into a new whittling hobbie or - GASP - feel their feelings.)

As someone who loves reading dystopian novels, I've got to say, this one is very weak.

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