Things I say to my computer

A little while ago I decided to keep track of the things I said to my computer.  Turns out, I talk to my computer like it's a disobedient child who I am not very nice to, or maybe a very inconsiderate boyfriend.  Oh goodness, some of these get very inappropriate when viewed through the "inconsiderate boyfriend" lens.

"Ummmmmmm, what are you doing?"

"See, you said you were going to do this and now you're not doing it, why did you lie to me?"

"Wait!  Wait!  What?  No!  Wait!  STOP!"

*frustrated garbled noises*

"Okay, we're going to try this again.  Are you going to cooperate?"

"This isn't right.  Why is this not right?"

"Have you been on all night?  I did not leave you like this.  Who did this to you?"

"Thiiiiiiiiis is not what we talked about."

"You are confusing me."

"This shouldn't be so difficult."


"Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope."

"That is NOT where I told you to put it!"

"If this is how it's going to be I will turn you off and turn you back on again.  Yeah."

"How long does it take to open a window?  Really?  REALLY?"

"Oh, now you need to think again?  How much thinking do you need to do?"

"No problem, just take your time."

"Wait!  Did it work?  It worked!  You did it!  You diiiid iiittttt!!!!!!"