Singalong! Better Sons/Daughters by Rilo Kiley

I didn't used to be able to listen to this song. I had depression issues for most of my teens and early 20s, and something about this song put a tack right into my experience. So much so that if I heard it, the little veneer holding all the pieces of me together would know that it was being called out by name and shatter, and I would 100% fall apart.

Even though I got through my depression some time ago, I still instinctively avoid this song. It doesn't break me anymore, but it does make my eyes get all teary. Especially that last verse that details all the ways you can force yourself to exist in the world without letting on the death inside. But it's not just an anthem of brokenness; it's also an anthem of glimmering hope, and I think that's worth singing along to once and a while, even if your voice isn't even coming out because of all the feelings in your throat.

A BETTER SON/DAUGHTER

by Rilo Kiley

Sometimes in the morning I am petrified and can't move

Awake but cannot open my eyes

And the weight is crushing down on my lungs I know I can't breathe

And hope someone will save me this time

And your mother's still calling you insane and high

Swearing it's different this time

And you tell her to give in to the demons that possess her

And that God never blessed her insides

Then you hang up the phone and feel badly for upsetting things

And crawl back into bed to dream of a time

When your heart was open wide and you loved things just because

Like the sick and the dying

And sometimes when you're on, you're really fucking on

And your friends they sing along and they love you

But the lows are so extreme that the good seems fucking cheap

And it teases you for weeks in it's absence

But you'll fight and you'll make it through

You'll fake it if you have to

And you'll show up for work with a smile

You'll be better you'll be smarter

And more grown up and a better daughter

Or son and a real good friend

You'll be awake and you'll be alert

You'll be positive though it hurts

And you'll laugh and embrace all your friends

You'll be a real good listener

You'll be honest, you'll be brave

You'll be handsome, you'll be beautiful

You'll be happy

Your ship may be coming in

You're weak but not giving in

To the cries and the wails of the valley below

Your ship may be coming in

You're weak but not giving in

And you'll fight it you'll go out fighting all of them...