Stop Lying to Me, Internet

So it turns out the Whiteboard Jenny was a hoax, and now maybe that airline attendant guy who jumped the escape hatch may also have been a hoax.

My question is, what is the world coming to????  I mean, I get it, it's a funny story, it's a joke, it made your joke news website that's so painfully obviously a rip off of The Onion get a lot of hits, but really?  The whole beauty of these stories is that they sing to the deepest desire of every lackey and customer service representative out there.  Now that these brilliant stories were false, I honestly am not sure if I will ever trust again.  This, my friends, is when hoaxes go too far.

Now, oh internet, I must turn to one of the greatest poets of our time to truly express how you have made me feel.  Please, read every word and hold it as the truth, for though I did not write these gems of heartwrench and agony, they speak for my soul.  Let them whisper into yours:

Even in my heart, I see
You're not being true to me
Deep within my soul, I feel
Nothing's like it used to be
Sometimes I wish I could
Turn back time
Impossible as it may seem
But I wish I could
So bad, baby
Quit playing games with my heart


Quit playing games with my heart
Before you tear us apart (with my heart)
Quit playing games with my heart
I should've know from the start
You know you've gotta stop (from my heart)
You're tearing us apart (my heart)
Quit playing games with my heart


I live my life, the way
To keep you coming back to me
Everything I do
Is for you
So what is it that you can't see
Sometimes I wish I could
Turn back time
Impossible as it may seem
But I wish I could
So bad, baby you'd better quit playing games with my heart


Quit playing games with my heart
Before you tear us apart (with my heart)
Quit playing games with my heart
I should've know from the start
You know you've gotta stop (from my heart)
You're tearing us apart (my heart)
Quit playing games with my heart


Baby, baby
The love that we had was so strong
Don't leave hangin' here forever
Oh baby, baby this is not a lie
Let's stop this tonight


Baby, ohh, quit playing games
Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah
Nah nah nah nah nah baby
Nah nah nah nah


Sometimes I wish I could
Turn back time
Impossible as it may seem
But I wish I could
So bad baby
Quit playing games with my heart