If Life Were a Movie

Some key things that would change if my life were a movie*:

  • I would never have to go to the bathroom unless it was comedically inconvenient
  • I would never have to do anything more than run a brush through my hair to look perfect (again, unless being disheveled provided a dose of comedy gold)
  • My Mom would be either way too overbearing or ridiculously free-spirited
  • I would have a regular "girls hang out time" where we would always meet at the same bar or cafe and give each other love advice whilst being constantly hit on by men that we brush aside with sharp rejections
  • There would be way more montages which means I would get really good at a lot more things with much less effort
  • Whenever things would start to get really rough I would either learn a lesson and immediately see my life turn around or be rescued by a man with a grand romantic gesture
  • My friendships would involve a lot more epic fights and tearful reunions
  • I would always have some kind of alcohol in the house
  • Anyone who wronged me would get a swift comeuppance that would probably be kind of awesomely hilarious
*This list assumes a general Hollywood-type movie where I am the protagonist.  Although now that I think about it, maybe it's better to not be the protagonist.  Secondary characters get it way easier: give a little witty banter, stand up for your best-friend-the-protagonist in a stand-uppy kind of way, and wind up making out with another secondary character by the end of the movie (after your best-friend-the-protagonist has had their life sort out, of course).

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