bachelorettes be frightened

I don't know if you've heard, but The Bachelor is coming to Canada and their kicking off their casting tour here in Vancouver. Naturally, the first thing I did when I saw a tweet about this was announce it to my coworker, and the first thing she did was dare me to enter.

Flush with visions of being like Jane Goodall amongst the chimpanzees, I started in on the applications form. Think how fun it would be to get an inside look at their casting process and to see how long I could last with all those catty ladies! Then I got an "inside look" at the terms you have to agree to as an applicant and I ran for the high hills. Now I'm sharing them with you, or the juicy bits anyways. No point in sharing the boring, regular eligibility stuff (although, fun fact, did you know you can't participate if you're a candidate for political office? I didn't!)
9. Each applicant acknowledges, understands and agrees that Producer may disclose any information contained within or derived from his or her application to third persons connected with the Program and to compile information from third parties in connection with such application and the application process about applicant's private, personal and public life, personal relationships with third persons, confidences and secrets with family, friends, significant others, including without limitation: physical appearance; personal characteristics/habits (both physical and mental); medical treatment/history (both physical and mental); sexual history; educational and employment history; military history; criminal investigations, charges and records; personal views and opinions about life, the world, politics, religion, and the like (collectively, "Personal Information"). Applicant acknowledges and agrees that Producer may reveal such Personal Information to third parties in the course of the application process and/or the Program and that Applicant releases, discharges, and holds harmless Companies (as defined below) from any and all claims and damages arising from such compilation or disclosure of Personal Information.
Emphasis added. They can give allllllll your dirt to whoever they want and then its not their fault if that person does something sketchy with it. Good to know.
10. Each applicant acknowledges, understands and agrees that he or she, if chosen as a bachelor or bachelorette on the Program, may be audio and/or video taped twenty-four (24) hours a day, seven (7) days a week while participating in the Program by means of open and hidden cameras, whether or not he or she is then aware that he or she is being videotaped or recorded (collectively, "Recordings") and that such Recordings may be disseminated on television and/or all media now known or hereafter devised, in any and all manner throughout the Universe in perpetuity.
Being taped 24/7 is to be expected on these kinds of shows but is still sort of creepy, right?
11. Applicants acknowledge, understand, and agree that Companies’ (as defined below) use or revelation of Personal Information and Recordings as defined in these Eligibility Requirements may be embarrassing, unfavorable, humiliating, and/or derogatory and/or may portray him or her in a false light. Each applicant agrees to release, discharge and hold harmless the Companies from any and all claims (including, without limitation, claims for slander, libel, defamation, violation of rights of privacy, publicity, personality, and/or civil rights, depiction in a false light, intentional or negligent infliction of emotional distress, copyright infringement, and/or any other tort and/or damages arising from or in any way relating to the submission of a Participant Application, participation in the selection process, participation in the Program, the use of the Personal Information or Recordings and/or the use of the applicant's name, voice, and/or likeness in connection with the Program, or the promotion thereof in all media now known or hereafter devised. Applicants are required to sign Releases to this effect. "Companies" as used herein shall collectively mean BCAN Media Inc., Force Four Entertainment Inc., Rogers Media Inc., NZK Productions, Inc., Next Entertainment, American Broadcasting Companies, Inc., all subsidiaries affiliates, parents, and divisions thereof and of The Walt Disney Company, Telepictures Productions, Inc., all other subsidiaries and divisions of Warner Bros. Entertainment Inc., Time Warner Inc., all advertising, promotional and judging agencies, Program broadcaster and distributors and all other companies associated with the production, administration and/or exhibition of the Program and/or any of their respective licensees, assigns, parents, affiliated and subsidiary companies, divisions and joint venture partners, and each of their respective employees, officers, directors and agents.
The best part is the second bolded part - you give them permission to intentionally cause you emotional distress. Really, ladies? You're signing off to this?
14. All applicants must authorize Producer to conduct a background check, which may include, without limitation, a credit check, a military records check, a criminal arrest and/or conviction check, a civil litigation check, a family court litigation check, a medical exam, a psychological exam interviews with employers, neighbors, teachers, etc. All applicants must sign the attached Authorization to Release Personal and Confidential Records and Information.
Fun fact: I know some people who have applied to various police forces. A big part of that is, obviously, background checks including random home inspections and interviews with your neighbour growing up, teachers, family, ex-girlfriends (one can only hope!), etc. When it comes to my hometown defenders, I like the idea of a thorough background search. This is reality television, for Pete's sake, and they're going to ask your neighbours about what time you come and go at night. And then they're going to own whatever information they get about you.
19. Upon Producer's request, all Semi-Finalists, Finalists, the Bachelor(s) and/or Bachelorette(s) must agree to sign any additional releases or authorizations that Producer, in its sole discretion, deems necessary.
Here's the thing about this one: you are agreeing that in the future you will sign anything else the producers ask you to sign. Ummmm..... no.
24. I hereby grant to Producer and Rogers Media Inc. the unconditional right throughout the universe in perpetuity to use, simulate or portray (and to authorize others to do so) my name, application, likeness (whether photographic, video or otherwise), voice, personality, personal identification or personal experiences, my life story, biographical data, incidents, situations and events which heretofore occurred or hereafter occur, in or in connection with the Program (or any episode or portion thereof) and the advertising, promoting or publicizing of the Program or any Program episode by Producer, or its programming services, and in connection with any merchandising, whether or not related to the Program (including without limitation, any commercial tie-ins), any sponsor of the Program, and the advertising, promotion, endorsement and distribution of the Program, as well the advertising, promotion and publicizing of the Producer, or any television station or other media outlet that broadcasts or otherwise exhibits or exploits the Program, by Produce or any of its programming services, and in any other manner whatsoever (including, without limitation, as a direct endorsement of any product or service) as Producer or Rogers Media Inc. may elect in its sole discretion.
Go on the Bachelor and they get the right not only to use any footage they have of you for the rest of time (something that is understandable, but super disturbing if you actually think about what that could mean for the rest of your life), but to simulate you and your entire life story, sexual history, and anything else that happens in connection with the show! DUDE! Once you sign this you give them the right to intentionally impersonate you in any way even if it ruins your life! And they can authorize anyone else to do it too! Unconditionally. Through the universe. For the rest of time. That means if we colonize another planet in another solar system, they still own your face THERE. Personally, I like owning my own face, thank you very much.

So, suffice it to say, I shall not be one of the hopeful bachelorettes competing for some young buck's rose. While I understand why they might have some of these stipulations, I sure don't want to sign my name to them! And now I feel totally justified in judging anyone who does participate just a little more harshly. Because I'm that kind of person.

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