I am having a crisis of confidence! I was doing a runthrough of my play the other day and suddenly halfway through a thought ran through my mind: "this is kind of boring."
Now I can't get it out of my head and all I keep thinking about is that the play sucks and is totally boring and that I'm not that good in it and that all these people including my friends and entire family and boyfriend's family who will be coming from long distances are going to see this show and it's not good at all and they're all going to think I'm ridiculous and I will be embarrassed and WHY DID I INVITE THE BLOGGERS BECAUSE NOW THEY WILL JUDGE ME ON THE INTERNET!!!
Now on top of it all, my anxiety is causing extreme run-on sentences.
I am trying to remind myself that I did not write this play to make other people like me more but to tell a story that I felt needed to be told. Does that mean that it doesn't matter if everyone hates it? I don't know! I want to say that it doesn't matter what anyone thinks of it, that I'm doing it for myself and yadda yadda. The truth is though, that I don't just create things for myself. I create them for the purpose of sharing and communing and conversation and all that good stuff. How much can I have a communal experience with people if they're bored? I DON'T KNOW!!!!
Well, I'll get over this or I won't, but either way the show must go on...
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