Thursday, June 11, 2009

It's time for the annual artistic crisis

I am having a crisis of confidence! I was doing a runthrough of my play the other day and suddenly halfway through a thought ran through my mind: "this is kind of boring."

Now I can't get it out of my head and all I keep thinking about is that the play sucks and is totally boring and that I'm not that good in it and that all these people including my friends and entire family and boyfriend's family who will be coming from long distances are going to see this show and it's not good at all and they're all going to think I'm ridiculous and I will be embarrassed and WHY DID I INVITE THE BLOGGERS BECAUSE NOW THEY WILL JUDGE ME ON THE INTERNET!!!

*sigh*

Now on top of it all, my anxiety is causing extreme run-on sentences.

I am trying to remind myself that I did not write this play to make other people like me more but to tell a story that I felt needed to be told. Does that mean that it doesn't matter if everyone hates it? I don't know! I want to say that it doesn't matter what anyone thinks of it, that I'm doing it for myself and yadda yadda. The truth is though, that I don't just create things for myself. I create them for the purpose of sharing and communing and conversation and all that good stuff. How much can I have a communal experience with people if they're bored? I DON'T KNOW!!!!

Geez.

Well, I'll get over this or I won't, but either way the show must go on...

Thursday, June 4, 2009

It's time for an update!

All of a sudden I just felt like blogging again. I was doing that thing where I'm not just thinking my thoughts, but narrating them to myself, so I thought that instead of being totally insane, I would just write them down, since that's clearly what my brain is trying to do.

So, update to my (ha!) internet following: I am no longer a receptionist. I am now and APPRENTICE and soon will be a PUBLICIST. It's been a very fruitful 10 months. Currently I am performing in a show at Pacific Theatre, and, more importantly (no offense, Ron), rehearsing my one-woman show that I wrote about my dear ol' Grandpa. It's very near and dear to my heart, which means it's both exciting and absolutely terrifying.

Right now I'm coming to the crashing realization that while I've been focusing all my energy on the whole writer/actor side of things, I've been sorely neglecting the producer/publicist/designer/everything else side of things. So out came the list. It's long and I just know deep down inside that I'm missing things. *le sigh*

On the upside, a lot of random people are getting excited about coming to the show. One of the pastors from my old church (where I and my Grandpa went for many years), a girl I went to high school with and haven't talked to in years (oh Facebook), and so on... And then of course, my whole family is making special treks out to see it which is almost paralyzingly terrifying since they actually all knew the man and hold him just as near and dear as I do. Plus, I'm pretty sure I'll cry during a few parts if I know my family's in the audience.

Before I sign off I just realized I should probably actually mention the name of my show! It's called Silk Threads, and it's playing at Pacific Theatre June 18-20. $11 in advance, pay what you can at the door! Come ch-ch-check it out!